american idol

Awful Battle… The One In The V-Neck Shirt Vs. The One With Feathers In His Hair

Posted on by sgottahurt

Schadenfreude’s a bitch.

Sometimes finger earplugs just aren't enough.

Simon Cowell’s American Idol X-it strategy, The X Factor, feels more like America’s Got Talent mixed with The Voice than the ratings juggernaut, and the ratings are proof.

The tenth season of American Idol debuted with 26 million viewers, minus Cowell, whereas The X Factor debuted with only 12 million, with Cowell.

Has he gotten too big for his britches?  Or are people burnt out on singing competitions at this time of the year, having just finished with the two mentioned above?

Perhaps timing has everything to do with American Idols success.

Or maybe, it’s the people.

Icon vs. Icon

With Simon Cowell, you get no bullshit, and that’s a bonus.  But he thinks no bullshit don’t stink, so that cancels out his assets.  With Steven Tyler, you (seemingly) had quite a genuine and caring individual that contrasted everything Cowell represented, and there was no looking back.   It probably has something to do with the amount of tail each has had, and the way it was had.

  • Tyler + groupies (+ drugs?) = Crazy, Amazin’, Love in an Elevator
  • Cowell + some woman who passed or accepted all his criticism and cynicism = dollar-sign-eyes sex

WINNER: Steven Tyler

Former Diva vs Former Diva

We already had enough of Paula Abdul before she left Idol, but Jennifer Lopez sounded like a self-entitled nightmare.  Turned out J. Lo was about as nice and pleasant as could seem (she’s not that great of an Actor!), and a hell of a lot more intelligible in her insights.

WINNER: Jennifer Lopez

Insider vs Insider

Randy Jackson seems like the cool, approachable guy in the band, and he probably was when he was in Journey.  L.A. Reid, on the other hand, comes across as a corporate incubus, seeking out the next talent whose life-force he could siphon.  Or a RuPaul impersonator.  Mostly, I judge the new judge based upon the immortal lyrics of P!nk:

LA [Reid] told me, “You’ll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are.”

She’s done a hell of a lot better since being herself, so…

WINNER: Randy Jackson

Tits vs Twit

Okay, this isn’t the proper match up, but who is that British guy taking Ryan Seacrest’s role as announcer or interviewer or host or whatever his role is called?  And Idol wisely gave up the notion of a fourth spot, so why did The X-Factor go with Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger?

WINNER: Nicole Scherzinger… tits always win.

Musical Musings… American I-Cried

Posted on by sgottahurt

This will inevitably get taken down, but since it destroyed me emotionally as much as it lifted my spirits, I shall share it with you, as if you probably haven’t already seen it.

(SIDENOTE: I’ve never thought more highly of Steven Tyler than after this.  Not that I thought highly of him beforehand…)

Musical Musings… America’s Next Top American Idol Judge!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This idea simply popped in my head, just like how the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man did in Ray Stantz’s.

With Simon Cowell leaving American Idol to host his own version of American Idol called X-Factor, there has been a buzz around the TripleDoubleU about his replacement.  I say look no further than one of Fox Network’s early birds (and The Simpsons surrogate mother), Tracey Ullman.

I thought this was funny and actually LOL'd. 4RLZ.

The reasoning?

  • She could take on the roll of two judges – Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres.  Cowell for the British honesty; DeGeneres for the comedy.
  • She’s been in the music business à la Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, and in particular – Paula Abdul.

I searched to see if any others had thought this, and yes – there was one site.  But I think this needs to happy.

Or Ricky Gervais.  For the very same reasons… Okay, I’d prefer Gervais, but in a pinch, Ullman will do.

He LOL'd, 2. 4RLZ.

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Cash-Ins, Tie-Ins, Sell Outs, And Bailouts

Posted on by sgottahurt

Let’s examine for one second which car companies sponsored which, um, sponsorees…

Frothy the Snow Cowell

Eight years ago, Ford Motor Company decided to back a show that was not much more than a flashier Star Search. 

  • Was it Coca Cola’s shared involvement? 
  • Was it a long standing crush on Paula Adbul?
  • Or was it amazing foresight from a company that renamed the Taurus the Five Hundred, and then redubbed it the Taurus again?

Turns out it doesn’t matter.  Once Kelly Clarkson happened, American Idol legitimized and therefore blew up.

Speaking of blowing up, let’s remind ourselves which guys GM got behind (or as in the case of this image – between):

"Stuck between two loose screws" - GM's new slogan

  • GM decided to back Tiger Woods through its Cadillac brand, and that was a good investment for a long time. 
  • They also paid a fair amount of cash to have their fleet of cars featured in both horrible Transformers movies, and those flicks made My Little Ponies pretty pennies.

And in the end, which car company required money from the government bailout?

"Um, Toyota?"

Nope.

"Oh hi... I didn't see you back there."

Drunken Recollection… A Canadian, A T-Shirt, A.I., And Some Bars

Posted on by sgottahurt

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a Drunken Recollection.  It’s not so much that I have no Recollection.  It’s moreso that I haven’t been Drunken (or I give it all up to Twitter – damn!)

This past night was an odd collection of  Items to Note:

Note 1) Our live trivia host sounded identical to Norm MacDonald.

How cool would it be if the pic on the mug was holding a picture of Norm holding a mug?

How cool would it be if the pic on the mug was holding a picture of Norm holding a mug?

And that wasn’t a bad thing.  It was simply strange, because the guy looked more like this: 

Not to be confused with Kris Kross.

Not to be confused with Kris Kross.

Note 2) There was a guy that was very proud of his t-shirt that read, “My Giveadamner Is Broken.”

I couldn’t find the exact t-shirt he had, but there are plenty of varities out there.  Apparently, I could have cared less, so I guess my giveadamner was broken, too.

Note 3) The American Idol judges saved someone?

This was playing in the background on the TV, so I have an excuse.  Okay, I really don’t have an excuse because I watched the show the day before, and I thought local-yokel Matt Giraud didn’t perform that great.

american-idol-matt-giraud

More "grating" than "great."

Albeit, I would listen to him for 100 years before listening to Adam Lambert sing Born to Be Wild ever again.  Or anything, for that matter.  (I hope Allison wins, or maybe even Anoop!)

Note 4) CBGB stood for Country, Blue Grass, & Blues?

ZOMG! It's closed!

ZOMG! It's closed!

CBGB’s, as far as I knew, was the place where hardcore punk was born, not country, blue grass, and blues?

This topic brought up conversation about the Fillmore in San Francisco, and how there’s one here in Detroit since Live Nation gobbled up the State Theater and renamed it.

I tried bringing up the historic place in Detroit, where groups like the MC5 got their start, but no one knew.  So I had to research it.

Found it:

ZOMG! It's abandonned!

ZOMG! It's abandonned!

 I was thinking of the Grande Ballroom.

………

That’s all I got.  I already mentioned my giveadamner’s broken.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Drugs, YouTube, Annoying Hosts, And Soup

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay… I wasn’t going to post this dream, but it hasn’t stopped me before.  You may wish that I’d stuck to my guns, but I misfired.

The bulk of the dream consisted of the introduction of a new drug called something like Avilify.  Basically, by taking this pill daily, your body maintained a homeostatic temperature that kept you comfortable whether you were in 110° F or -10° F (sorry, but I don’t know Celsius).  Another feature of the product was you only needed six hours of sleep per day.  You couldn’t sleep more and you couldn’t sleep less.

avilify-copy1

Ask your doctor all about it! Because we sure won't tell you what it does in the commercials!

While this is all fine and dandy as far as dreams go, the part I’m leary to bring up is… well, Ryan Seacrest and I became friends.

How that came to be was I was the head of marketing for Avility, and he was to be the spokesman.  We ended up making YouTube videos of him mocking celebrity advertisements, like the film Crazy People did.

Example: 

ryancampbell-copy

What my Grandma used to make me eat.

In effect, his popularity soared even more, and I made crap loads of money.  Avilify changed my life!