80’s

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… A Listing Of Lists

Posted on by sgottahurt

While Paul’s out of the office and off dreaming up new lists on vacation, I thought I would play catch up.  We’ve been too busy at work (and I’m not posting my boss’ lists while I’m playing at home), so since I have a slight chance to breathe today, here we go:

Top 5 Professional Sports Moments  [Ed. – Local anyway, and without further explanation]

1.) 1997 Red Wings Stanley Cup Champs

2.) 1997 Michigan Football NCAA Champs

3.) 1989 Michigan Basketball NCAA Champs

4.) 1984 Detroit Tigers World Series Champs

5.) 2008 Detroit Lions fire Matt Millen

[Ed. – Oh yeah.  Guess where Paul went to college…]

Top Five 80’s Cartoon Theme Songs [Ed. – With explanations and video!]

1.) G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – “He’ll fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble…” (This should replace the Star Spangled Banner.)

2.) Transformers – “More than meets the eye…”  (Song seemed to be ahead of it’s time.)

3.) The Wuzzles – “Two types of fun, wrapped up and rolled… into one!” (What could be better?)

4.) M.A.S.K. – “Masked crusaders, working overtime, fighting crime.” (Song passes the time test.) [Ed. – I had to twist his arm to get this included – it’s my favorite.]

5.) Silverhawks – “Partly metal, partly real.” (Very underated show.  Plus, it has a sweet guitar solo.)

 
Top Five Stores That No Longer Exist (Now in Reverse Order) [Ed. – My favorite list so far.]

5.) The Old Ballpark – Every baseball card collector’s favorite store located in Livonia. If you wanted mint rookie cards of Alan Trammell or Lou Whitaker, this place had ’em.

4.) Great Scott, A&P, Farmer Jack (all lumped in together) – I do have the fondest memories of Great Scott, as it was our old school place to buy groceries.  [Ed. – “Old school,” as in O.G. boyee!]

3.) Highland Appliance – “50 watts per channel babycake!” Oh, the memories of buying our first 27″ color tv and our first camcorder, which was VHS-C.

2.) Babbage’s (honorable mention goes to Egghead Software) – I remember browsing the shelves of hundreds of games for my 286 PC at Fairlane Mall.

1.) Children’s Palace – Heaven on Earth to all of us kids who grew up in the 80’s. Enough said. [Ed. – Also, my first job.]

InASense, Lost… Herpes On The Rise Due To Game?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t want to be naive , but apparently cold sores – not better known as lip herpes, and definitely not known as liperpes (though it should be) – is spreading like wild fire amongst college students.  The culprit blamed for the spreading: beer pong.

From Asylum:

But beer pong could be nearly as dangerous as unprotected sex in terms of spreading diseases, according to a recent article in the University of Massachusetts’ student newspaper — which links the rise of herpes on campus to the popularity of beer pong. Because the game involves multiple people drinking from the same cups, the herpes virus — which can be transmitted via saliva — can be spread to everyone who is playing through the course of a game. The virus is up 230 percent since 2007 in people between ages 17 and 21.

And here I foolishly thought it was because college students are generally sluts (and I’m talking about both genders when I say that).

This got me thinking about what other STD’s might not be ST’d (sexually transmitted), and in fact may be BP’d (beer ponged).

  • Gonorrhea – From clapping near someone else who is clapping.  This is why it’s also known as the Clap.
  • Chlamydia–  From getting sodas out dispensers outside of Walmart stores.
  • Genital Warts – From playing with toads before using the restroom.  The same applies to Crabs.  Not to be confused with Gentile Warts, common amongst Christians.
  • Syphilis – Was created by Alexander Fleming in order to sell his new discovery, penicillin.  Transmitted via playing catch with Frisbees, and sometimes Nerf Boomerangs.

A pubic public service announcement from the 80’s:

Drunken Recollection… That’s About Right For A Detroit Joint

Posted on by sgottahurt

Last night was a night spent in three four bars, and it kept me sleeping until 5pm today.

Some highlights:

  • First stop was the Bronx Bar, a Detroit hole-in-the-wall down near Wayne State University.  My sisters wanted to visit an old friend.  They chatted while “Poison” played on the jukebox.  BBD’s song, not the group.  “Crazy” also played.  Not Britney Spears… Patsy Cline.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
  • Second stop was the Magic Stick.  There was a concert going on upstairs, so we stayed on the main floor and saw a show of our own.  It probably made as much sense as the punk bands upstairs might, but here’s what it involved: a man with a big beard, a woman with only her bra on, a skinny kid with his shirt off, and another skinny girl holding her bloody nose.  They came out of the bowling area and swept through the place until security escorted them out.  They actually tried to come back later.  We met up with my cousin Liz who was there to see the show on the second floor.  Some of my sisters’ friends that are getting married next year dropped in (congrats again Beth and Ben), and another of Tammie’s friends from grade school was hanging out with his friends (hey P-funk).  A stranger drew pictures of us in green crayon on the back of concert flyers.  My sister, Tammie, ordered some pizza.  I quizzed her on the latest Killers song that was playing.  Becky and I drank 24 oz. beers.  We wondered why the word dapper isn’t used more.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.
  • Third stop lead us into Greektown, across from the casino, to The Well.  Tammie’s other old friend, Joe, was down there with his crew.  Some girls were dancing on the bar.  The DJ was right behind us playing T.I.  The area we were in was about 12’x12′.  They flashed the lights at about 1:45am for last call.  We all finished our drinks and headed next door to…
  • The Baltimore, our final stop.  We ran into a family member we haven’t seen for years.  Tears were spilled over some more beers.  Becky took forever putting all our numbers in our cousin’s phone.  The music playing was Journey or some other 80’s band.  A half hour or so later, we all departed into the winter rain.  We bid our farewells and journeyed home.  That’s about right for a Detroit joint.

They Don’t Make ‘Em Like This Anymore… Thank God

Posted on by sgottahurt

As big a fan as I am of the nostalgia provided by the 80’s, there is a pretty sunny darkside to the fonder memories.  Prime example: Juice Newton’s “Love’s Been a Little Hard on Me.” 

Sounds a little bit like some rodents I used to know:

And not to completely wring Juice of having any nostalgic value, she’ll always be my “Angel of the Morning.”

Apparently I’m An Actor And I Didn’t Know It

Posted on by sgottahurt

Check out this commercial (only watch first part or else your head may quite actually explode):

Now check out me:

In my pimping days

In my pimping days

Unless all kids looked the same back in the day… I was pretty good friends with Marzon.

Now it’s not like I haven’t acted before.  As I state in my Fact Sheet above, I was in Billy Crystal’s HBO meh-fest, “61*.”  Here’s a couple shots of me acting my chops out:

I played Guy Happy to be at Game #154

I played Guy Happy to be at Game #154

Upstaged by Marzon first; Mickey Mantle's grandson second

Upstaged by Marzon first; Mickey Mantle's grandson second

An opportunity recently presented itself to me, here in Michigan.  My talents are wanted yet again:

Hi,
We are looking for a Hand double for Adrien Brody’s hand.
If interested and available. please send a photo of your hand with your fingers spread apart on a flat surface.
Filming is in Howell, MI. Rate is $120.00 for 8 hours and overtime after 8.
Please include your name and phone number in your reply email. Please also provide your ring size if you know it.
Thanks.

All right… I’ll admit that it wasn’t sent directly to me, but I know my hands can do it.  They’re very good actors – trust me.  Hey, Marzon was a prima donna, and Mantle’s grandson forced me to feign excitement, like, six times. 

How difficult would it be to play Adrien Brody’s hands?  My hands can check the time.  Flip the pages of a book.  Type.  Make a sandwich.  Hold things.  Drop things.  Throw things.  Flick things.  Pet a co-star’s head.  I guess they could even caress a co-star’s breast, if needed.  *wink*wink*   (Although, I should double-check who’s in it.)  They can do anything!  (Except gut a fish.  Please don’t make them gut a fish.  Or hook a worm.  I have bad memories from my pimping days…)

Three Men And A Comeback (Wait… That Sounds Bad)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Today must be 80’s day, and for that I’m extremely thankful.  The word through the pipelines that is the TripleDoubleU is Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and Tom Selleck are in talks to reunite and finally complete the “Three Men and a…” Trilogy.

According to Guttenberg:

It’s called “Three Men and A Bride.” The script is pretty much written and we are really keen to get that made. We’re very hopeful.  (via IMDb)

They’re very hopeful?!  I’m fucking-on-the-edge-of-my-seat hopeful.  I’m I’ll-go-without-shitting-until-this-thing-is-released hopeful.  I’m on pins and needles that have herpes and syphilis and AIDS on them serious.  I’ve been literally dying to know what’s been going on in Michael, Jack, and Peter’s life since the last movie.  Um, didn’t someone get married to somebody in that one?  Wasn’t there some sheep in the road gag that held the wedding up?  And where did that ghost from the first one go?  Was he friendly or evil, or simply lonely?  Will the two non-dads hit on the third pal’s daughter who will no doubt be hot and legal?

I’ve been waiting for a star to fall, and since pretty much all three of the leads’ stars have dropped*, I’m all for this belated sequel.  With the bar set low by “Indiana Jones 4,” this flick should be a masterpiece.  (And there’s rumors about another “Police Academy.”  Aieeeeee!)

*Becker did all right by himself and with some help from Larry David, but sadly and wrongly, Magnum has not fared as well.  The Gute did do a stint on “Dancing with the Stars,” but he also runs naked through Central Park.

Happy Find… Shawshank Redemption As 80’s Montage

Posted on by sgottahurt

I can say nothing better than what’s to follow.

Lyrics from “Team America: World Police” song, Montage:

The hours approaching, just give it your best 
You've got to reach your prime. 
That’s when you need to put yourself to the test, 
And show us a passage of time, 
We're gonna need a montage (montage) 
Oh it takes a montage (montage) 

Show a lot of things happing at once, 
Remind everyone of what’s going on (what’s going on?) 
And with every shot you show a little improvement 
To show it all would take to long 
That’s called a montage (montage) 
Oh we want montage (montage) 

And anything that we want to go from just a beginner to a pro, 
You need a montage (montage) 
Even Rocky had a montage (montage) 

(Montage…montage) 

Anything that we want to go from just a beginner to a pro, 
You need a montage (montage) 
Oh it takes a montage (montage) 

Always fade out in a montage, 
If you fade out, it seem like more time 
Has passed in a montage, 
Montage
Video from Funny or Die:
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