I don’t think it’s particular to Mormons, but maybe adhering to its rules (beliefs?) (doctrines?) (bat-shit crazy guidelines?) is strictly Mormon. A guy that couldn’t look at porn devised a work around dubbed bubbling. Basically, it’s an optical illusion – and a fair effective one.
But I prefer the old Catholic way… look at real porn and feel guilty about it.
One last side prayer:
Please let these girls be legal.
Halloween is spookily and creepily and horrifically upon us. Boo!
Well, at least it has been ever since they pulled all the Back-to-School displays at your local Target a month ago and threw up the orange and black. So while speaking of “throwing up,” I figured an Awful Battle featuring terrible candy would be frighteningly appropriate!
Who likes their sugar droppings with a bit of paper? Perhaps the same people who thought biodegradable gum wrappers were meant for eating.
"Candy Buttons" sounds like a cute porn star name.
I don’t know what this candy really is, but it was cheap to give out so I used to get plenty when out trick-or-treating. I’d much prefer Smarties, thank you.
What were these called? Cheapies? Dummies?
Honey is not candy. Not now. Not ever. Well maybe in the 20’s…
My grandma always had Bit-O-Honey, and I always ate them. Butterscotch, too.
Orange marshmallows pressed into peanuts may sound like a win at the circus, but in the real world, normal men do put on face paint and cram into Mini Coopers (that often). Draw your own conclusions.
I once dared my brother to pack a ton of these into his mouth when he was a kid. Wasn't one of my tougher dares, but the results were funny.
I don’t know how many times I tried chewing on these like they were gum, but they were not gum. Wax is not gum no matter what anyone tells you!
Not gum!
I don’t think I could even eat these if I was the middle word.
Beans, beans, they're good for nothing.
Not a fan of coconut. That will probably never change, even if I ended up on Survivor. But if my alternative was rat meat…
Sometimes you feel like a nut, because frankly, you're nuts.
A perfect example of “if it’s not broke, don’t give it a fruit flavor when chocolate is perfectly fine.”
I have heard the vanilla flavor is pretty good, though.
I like Jolly Ranchers otherwise. This adverse reaction to one particular flavor probably deals with the fact we had an apple tree when I was a child, and I hated picking up the fallen, rotten, worm-invested symbols of the Fall of Man. Mjusayin’.
I don't like apple juice, candy apples, applesauce, apple fritters, apple cider, nor Apl.De.Ap.
Why are there so many bananas in a bag or box of Runts?! And why are they so hard?!
Case closed.
What do you get when you mix this:
With this:
And this?
A great little documentary about my craptastic home town of Detroit, that’s what. Thanks Palladium Boots and Johnny Knoxville! (And everyone else in the video!) You dun good!
Vodpod videos no longer available.
‘Memba Nintendo VirtualBoy?
It virtually sucked. Or was this a time I could have used the word, literally?
Well, I had a dream in which there was a new game system in town – the VirtualBoy 3D!
It looked like the equipment above, except the controller was wireless, and the hard ware broke into two pieces in order to do this:
Talk about "table tennis"...
In case you don’t know what this is, and the above image falls into my category of (Not So) Artistic Representations, each half projected the image that created the 3D game play… pretty neat, eh?
What could be even better than that? How about the video game I dreamed about another day…
It was a game in which the major baddies throughout history are gathered by an evil time traveler, and your character is picked up by another guy from the future that’s already built a team composed of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt. I was planning on making a cover for the game, which was entitled Past President Future, but the above image took too long, and now I’m bored.
…I wish I would have made the game cover first…
Holy Carp
Some alternates:
(source)
For some reason, my friend Chris went onto MySpace today, and he saw this:
It’s an advertisement for The Social Network, a film about the founder of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg.
I can only assume that because the film is allegedly an attack on Zuckerberg, that’s why it’s on the site.
But still… it leads me to wonder Hibbidy-Wah?!
Why did Chris go to MySpace?!
(I’ll let you look up the graphic video footage.)
(Why? Because they rock the Casbah? Makes little sense to me.)
(You really need to check out the list. There are some weird choices on it.)
So to change gears, how about I share a song I forgot about long ago and recently heard again in a grocery store. It certainly cheered me up.
Do you know it?
This originated as a Drunken Recollection, but it was so long ago (or I was so hammered), I don’t recall the events that lead to the discussion. But the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve wanted to map out where other period pieces fell.
So here’s what you get, you lucky bastards:
While it’s fiction, Tolkien did leave a telling clue as to his “historic timetable”. Numenor, also called Atlantis, was destroyed about 3000 years before the events of Lord of the Rings. The reference we have in actual historical records about Atlantis date that city at 10,000 BCE. So, the events of the trilogy would have taken place around 7000 BCE, with the fading of magic and the start of the fourth age around that time. (Keep in mind that the Atlantis story itself comes from a single reference in what amounted to a text about political systems).
BTW, BCE is the new PC term for BC (CE is the new AD, I guess). And since we’re just over 2000 years beyond the nerds estimate, I’m sticking with about 10,000 years ago.
Now as for Star Wars, there is some divide, mostly because people are idiots, and they can’t grasp the concept a long time ago and futuristic technology.
It’s not specified in Earth years, just that it happened “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.” Most of the dates in Star Wars are relative to pivotal battles. The Battle of Yavin is typically used as the starting point. So everything is either BBY (Before Battle of Yavin) or ABY (After Battle of Yavin).
There are two possibilities. The Star Wars universe might be located in a parallel universe and might be taking place in our time. Or if they are in war in our Milky Way Galaxy, the date is most likely the year 3,000. If current technological advances keep up in the rapid pace they are in we will one day live in a Star Wars-like universe, I guarantee it.
That’s a guarantee to put money on. What a fucking dipshit. He contradicted himself in his own answer. In all actuality, I liked this answer the best:
1943
So that got me thinking… what if the Star Wars films really took place in our universe. Perhaps during the Clone Wars, some Jedi or Sith Lords happened upon or planet, and taught the ancient Egyptians how to build the pyramids? That would place them at about 5000 years ago.
And maybe what happened in Roswell was a cover up of a long-awaited return visit.
And maybe, just maybe… that’s where the English language came from.
And finally, here’s that period piece map I promised. Enjoy!
I choose you, Pikacheerleader!
I’ve gotten into way too many arguments about this lately, so I decided to end the battle here once and all.
I say:
FANTASY FOOTBALL IS NO DIFFERENT THAN POKÉMON.
My friends say:
But it is different! There’s gambling involved!
Well, kids use to gamble their pogs, but that doesn’t make pogs fantasy football. So allow me to further illustrate the Coinkydinks (or Coinkydonks)…
Whether it’s Squirtle or Tom Brady, I see no difference here.
Using the two examples from above, you need water-types and quarterbacks, fire-types and tight ends, electric-types and wide receivers… you see where I’m going here.
‘Nuff said.
Chris Johnson was the #1 draft pick in fantasy football this year; when I used to play Pokémon, MewTwo was the bee’s knees.
And these:
(I didn’t know enough about Dungeons & Dragons to make that comparison, but this guy did.)
Wordplay is one of my favorite things, and anagrams are no exception.
Photoshop is also one of my favorite things, so today I decided to bring them together in a So, Duh! Pop Quiz.
If you don’t know what an anagram is, it’s when you take the existing letters of a word or phrase and mix them up into something else:
DO ZIP QUO PUSH is a (terrible) anagram of SO DUH POP QUIZ
Your job is to figure out which celebrity’s name is each anagram. The visual aids are purely for my enjoyment. Good luck!
1)
Radish for Ron
2)
Cable Kink Tease
3) NOTE: Sadly, I did not get to make a picture for this one, but it makes for a nice pun.
Alibi Worn Slim
4)
Arab Cab Amok
5)
Fax Gnome
(Answers after the jump) Read More
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 