Detroit Lions’ Unsung Hero

Posted on by sgottahurt

Forward down the field...

Does not Spight the Lions...

Forget about Daunte Culpepper (for now anyway).  He’s got to get used to the Lions’ shitty defense and shitty offense before he can manage anything with this team.

I want to put a shout out for the one guy at Ford Field that has it the hardest (and I’m not talking about kicker Jason Hanson) – Theo Spight.

He’s the guy on the field that has to get excited, even when the Lions are down 38-7 against the Jacksonville Jaguars, and they just scored against second stringers.

The song has a long history dating back to the 1930’s, which is about the last time they were any good.

Footage from Ford Field:

Live footage rockin’ out with band (at 2:40 mark):

Lyrics to Gridiron Heroes.

Sienna Ya Later, Balthazar!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Does Britain have trailer parks?

Does Britain have trailer parks?

Oops!

“Lord of the Flies” star Balthazar Getty had a wife and four children.  One was a newborn.

The tornado that is Sienna Miller (a “Queen of the Flies,” you might say tongue in cheek… or ahem, something else in cheek) swept him away from his family earlier this year.

Now she has called it quits with him, blaming it on all the public scrutiny.  From Us Magazine:

I’m single at the moment, and I’m completely happy with that. It’s nice not to have a relationship that the press constantly want to scrutinise and discuss. I’m cool with being on my own.

Currently going down at ex-wife Rosetta Millington’s home:

Dragonbalthazar (outside front door): Honey, I’m home!
Rosetta: Who is it?
Nobalthazar: Your sugar puff, BZAR! (Seriously, this is tattooed on his knuckles.)
Rosetta: Go fuck yourself! Oh wait, you already did. Your great grandfather was billionaire oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty, right?
Sunkenbalthazar: Yes… Can’t we settle this already? Just let me in!
Rosetta: Oh, there will be a settlement all right.

Et cetera, et cetera… by the way, Sienna – you can break up my happy home anytime!  Isn’t she such an adorable natural disaster?

Fake Foreign Lisps Is The New Getting Hit In The Nuts

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have not seen “Madagascar.”  I will not see “Madagascar: Escape 2 the Same Continent That Madagascar is Part Of.”  I also have not and will not see “The Love Guru.”

Notice any similarties between these two clips other than the fact I want to put my head in a vice and hook one of those NASCAR bolt removers to its crank?

Drunken Recollection… Instant Hangover TV

Posted on by sgottahurt

First, turn off the sound to this video.  It’s completely irrelevant to the experience (and that’s how I originally saw it).  Now pretend you’re bombed:

I was at one of my local hangouts, pounding back a few ol’ El Millerlitos, when this damn CNBC show caught my eye on the table’s flat screen.  It wasn’t this particular segment, but what I bore witness to was a brain derailment.  She was pretty enough on her own (she being Carmen Wong-Ulrich, a.k.a. The Great American Mixing Pot), but what happens at the 1:10 mark persisted for what seemed like ten minutes.  At the time of the inebriation, I sat in stunned disbelief and nausea because I couldn’t tell if the camera was moving or the background.  And what’s with the insane amount of jarring cuts!

Might be fun to watch high, though…

Groundhogs, Explosions, And A Lack Of Clothes

Posted on by sgottahurt

It first occurred to me in Pennsylvania.  Punxsutawney, to be exact.  Some family and friends went there two winters ago for the 30th birthday of my sister, Becky.  (Sorry for letting the groundhog out of the bag…)
 
Her birthday falls on Groundhog Day, and the festivities at Gobbler’s Knob (um, yep, that’s it name) were surprisingly warm for it being so cold.  The people were nice at the Walmart we parked at and on the bus.  The grounds were cleared of fresh snow and already covered in hay which prevented soaking wet feet. 
I don’t get up at 5am for much of anything other than a flight, but I’m glad we awakened on time in order to witness this:
Catch a sparkler on your tongue!
Catch a sparkler on your tongue!

A fireworks display in the morning snow.

Normally, I’m not a big fan of the big booms on the Fourth (the mini-booms at my uncle’s house are a blast), but when they’re unexpected, they can be beautiful.  A similar feeling snuck up on me last night on Veteran’s Day.  I stayed at work a little later to avoid traffic… and read blogs.  Sometimes my wireless Internet doesn’t work at home because my neighbor turns it off, or starts fiddling with it somehow – asshole (j/k if you read this, which you probably don’t, so j/k).

On the freeway, I passed a mall presenting a full-fledged spectacular, grand finale and all (I stopped at a Best Buy – what’s wrong with me?)  I couldn’t stop smiling.  The music on the radio even seemed to mesh with the flashing and flaring chemicals (seriously, what’s wrong with me?)  It was… unexpected.

This made me realize that surprises are what it’s all about.  Like hearing Christmas music on the radio the day after Halloween.  It happens every year, but I forget that it’s going to happen and I actually enjoy it.  (Although I do grow sick of it well before Thanksgiving, and I feel sick for admitting this all – damn happy music.)

Or it’s just like going to a party where you don’t expect to meet anyone of interest (whichever path of interest you choose), and you gain an insight or catch an STD.  Regardless, it’s still a fun surprise!

In closing, it’s the same way with nudity.  If I go to the strip club, I’m paying for the fireworks and Christmas music.  But in public… on a Tuesday… in the rain – huzzah!  At a concert… when changing into another shirt – huzzah!  Or through my apartment window, into yours, across the alley.  Your lights are on.  Mine are off.  Huzzah…

Happy Find… ManBabies (Sounds Weird, Is Weird, But Funny)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything quite as simple yet so funny as this:

*speechless*

*speechless*

It comes from the site, ManBabies (just keep hitting “Random” – it’s a riot), and I discovered that site courtesy of Heartless Doll.  It’s genius and so stupid… I love it.

I Love You! You Love Me! Barney Doesn’t Love That Guy!

Posted on by sgottahurt

Yay!  1000 (and 1) views!  Thanks so far (even if it’s accidental)!

Aprapos of nothing, here’s a video of Barney the White House Dog (well, one of them), biting some douchebag reporter’s hand.

Drunken Recollection… Does Marijuana Have Stem Cells?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Aristotle Adobe? Socraterra Cotta!

Aristotle Adobe? Socraterra Cotta!

Group time is philosophy time for me… pure and simple.  That’s how the Greeks did it (I presume their poison might have been strapping young lads); that’s how the Beats did it (they sure loved their opiates); and for me – it’s the bar and the beer.

In Michigan, Proposals 1 and 2 both passed, and while the legalization of marijuana for medical use gets a fair poke with the jokes, it was the stem cell research that started the rant.  (Okay, none of this is really philosophizing… maybe it’s hypothesizing… or “making shit up”…)

Anyweed, I launched a tangent about where I see the research going.  I mean, when I was young lad playing with Play-Doh (wait – what?), I didn’t expect things like corrective eye surgery, tendon replacements, or cloning to ever be possible.  After all, could cowboys imagine TV?

I know the tests so far haven’t provided anything as spectacular as regrowing hair in bald spots or reconnecting injured spinal cords (I’m not weighing these examples as the same, at all… yes I am).  But in time, these leaps in medicine may happen.  Things like head/brain transplants could be as common as corrective eye surgery.

The flip-side, of course, is the mad scientist aspect – that things like head/brain transplants could be as common as corrective eye surgery.  Will individuals be able to personalize themselves with the genetic equivalent of tattoos and piercings (“hey, check out my back ears”)?  I still feel we’ll know there’s been progress when we see a headline akin to this: “Scientists Accidentally Give Test Subject Vision… Via His Penis.” 

The upside to that scenario is you could tuck a video iPod in your drawers and watch a movie while at work… sorry ladies.  Although you already do have the magic bullet… and I’m not talking about the blender.

Let My Love Open The Door To Rage

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know what it is about this song that simultaneously makes me want to run around and scoop peoples’ eyes out with sporks and stick ’em on kabobs, and also to hop around on alternating feet shaking my fists like maracas, acting like I’m Jim Carrey and Robin Williams’ love child.

Maybe their love child would want to scoop peoples’ eyes out with sporks…