Oh Canadian Hotties! Eh?

Posted on by sgottahurt

This is a list I have been meaning to make for a while.  Presenting Six Reasons Why Canada Rocks!  (Plus Three Honorable Mentions)

sarah-chalkeSarah Chalke (Ottawa, Ontario) – From playing second Becky in “Roseanne” to second fiddle behind JD and Turk’s bromance in “Scrubs,” Ms. Chalke has always held her own against giant personalities and crazy sitcom-uations.  She has a way of pulling off clumsy and sexy in one fell swoop.

 

evangeline-lilly_01Evangeline Lilly (Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta) – I’d like to believe she’s possibly one of the best actresses on this list.  Aside from her Live Links ad, all I have to judge her skills on is “Lost.”  Her character, Kate, is damaged yet strong, worried yet brave, a dreamer yet a realist.  And Evie sells it – hook, line, and underground bunker.

 

elishacuthbertElisha Cuthbert (Calgary, Alberta) – Where in the world has Elisha been?  Since “24,” a minor role in “Old School,” and “The Girl Next Door” (which was awesome BTW), she’s been in schlock like “House of Wax,” “The Quiet,” and “Captivity.”  She returns for Season 7 of “24.”  Hopefully better roles will follow.  (BONUS: check out her appearance on “Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!“)

ericaduranceErica Durance (Calgary, Alberta) – Possibly the girl next door to Elisha over in Calgary (I’m imagining Erica was her babysitter), Erica came to my attention when she began her role as Lois Lane in “Smallville.”  Smart, tough, and a looker enough to make Superman forget his childhood sweetheart (see below).  All I know is she can be my Kryptonite any time she likes.  (Also, she makes a more believable Lois than Kate Bosworth did in “Superman Returns.”  Sorry, Kate!)

caroline-dhavernasCaroline Dhavernas (Montreal, Quebec) – Caroline is definitely the dark horse on this list, and that’s mostly because of one thing – not many people know who she is.  Though most of her work is in French Canadian film, I began to appreciate Caroline (pronounced Caro-lean) for her role as Jaye in the underviewed and wonderful, “Wonderfalls” (another of Bryan Fuller’s cancelled projects, along with “Pushing Daisies” and “Dead Like Me”).  She was also in the American films “Breach” and “Hollywoodland,” but I’ve yet to see those movies.

rachel_mcadamsRachel McAdams (London, Ontario) – I fell for Rachel not in “Mean Girls,” not in “Hot Chick,” but in “The Notebook.”  Damn that movie.  One night playing goal in my soccer game, I threw out my back and made the mistake (or divine choice) of putting “The Notebook” in my DVD player before I passed out.  The next day I awakened to realize I couldn’t move, and no one could help me until way later that day, so I was stuck watching “The Notebook” back-to-back-to-back (Ow, my back!)  Looking forward to seeing her in Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” with Robert Downey, Jr!

HONORABLE MENTIONS

kristin_kreukKristin Kreuk (Vancouver, British Columbia) – From Lana Lang in “Smallville” to Chun-Li in the upcoming “Street Fighter” movie, she’s a small-town cutie that grew into a big city cutie.

 

 

pamandersonPamela Anderson (Ladysmith, British Columbia) – Any list like this has to include the most infamous hot Canadian bacon.  Although I was more fond of her in her “Home Improvement” days.  (A Detroit shout-out to Tim Allen!)

 

 

theshatnerWilliam Shatner (Montreal, Quebec) – The Shat… Mr. King of Canada…   “Twilight Zone,” “Star Trek,” speaking Esperanto in “Incubus,” “TJ Hooker,” “Rescue 911,” “Tek Wars,” Priceline commercials, “Boston Legal,” World of Warcraft commercials… a true national treasure…

JusWondering… Is Mark Hamill Playing Bob Costas?

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I was watching any football game but the Lions this weekend, I couldn’t help but notice announcer Bob Costas was beginning to look like a certain Jedi Knight.

Trust me - watch NBC Sports

Trust me - watch NBC Sports

Throw a little Botox into Mark Hamill’s visage, and he could be playing the guy giving the play-by-plays (or at least his analysis thereof).

…Or maybe I was just drinking too much this weekend.

Batter up!

Batter up!

Drunken Recollection… Things Learned Over Thanksgiving Weekend

Posted on by sgottahurt

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone, as has all the turkey (et. al.) through me.  With this in mind, I shall impart onto you the various things that I learned over the past four days.

1) There is something called The Amazing Plant Lamp.  As the website proclaims:

The only lamp of its kind where you quickly touch the live plant to turn it on and off or hold a leaf and it works as a dimmer.

Ain’t that the bees knees!  Just stick the Amazing Plant Lamp kit in any plant and voila!

2) Raisins are forcibly put into too many things, like cinnamon bread and puddings.  I usually don’t eat any of these foods anyway, but I can relate because of how common it is for bakers to put nuts in fudge brownies (that could be taken out of context)!  Enough!  I want choices!

(SIDE NOTE: I used to like Fig Newtons as a kid because I thought it was some kind of weird tasting chocolate.  Then I learned and thus hated them.)

3) Chocotinis have zero alcohol content, despite what anyone else might claim.  My sister was pulled over for having non-working turn signals.  She was nervous and forgot her alphabet.  The cop made her do the random balance tests and the such, then he gave her a Breathalyzer test.  She blew zero.  Case closed!

4) You can break the bottom off a beer bottle with water and a hand slap.  Basically, take an empty bottle (in this case, it was Coors Light), fill it halfway with water, hold the neck in one hand, and slam the palm of your other hand on the bottle’s mouth.  The bottom drops out from the instant air pressure, I guess.  Apparently, beer has more shock absorption.

5) My cousin Steve might be a diabolical genius.  In discussing the biggest insults one man could make against another (backhanding was #3… spitting in face was #2… we didn’t go beyond what’s to follow), he declared the greatest coup, the most humiliating attack, the most degrading defeat, the biggest insult to be ever perpetrated in the world would be this – to tickle a man in front of his family.  Right in front of his wife, his children, and his dog.  Tickled to the point of tears and uncontrollable laughter.  It’s guaranteed that after the giggles were through, he’d pack up his things and walk out the door, not saying a word, not making any eye contact, swearing to himself to never return again, and all this would be understood.  Out of humiliation he’d still support the family, though thousands of miles away.  And his family could become your family.

6) As a kid, I watched WXYZ Channel 7 way more than I realized, because they had a special on about their past 60 years, and I got choked up.  Stupid nostalgia…

7) I would put that the Detroit Lions suck, but I already knew that.

Happy Find… BoHe-Man Rhapsody

Posted on by sgottahurt

Some girl named Emmeline made this a few years back in Windows Movie Maker, so the quality isn’t perfect, but it’s a hoot nonetheless.  I had no idea MerMan was so talented.

Apparently I’m An Actor And I Didn’t Know It

Posted on by sgottahurt

Check out this commercial (only watch first part or else your head may quite actually explode):

Now check out me:

In my pimping days

In my pimping days

Unless all kids looked the same back in the day… I was pretty good friends with Marzon.

Now it’s not like I haven’t acted before.  As I state in my Fact Sheet above, I was in Billy Crystal’s HBO meh-fest, “61*.”  Here’s a couple shots of me acting my chops out:

I played Guy Happy to be at Game #154

I played Guy Happy to be at Game #154

Upstaged by Marzon first; Mickey Mantle's grandson second

Upstaged by Marzon first; Mickey Mantle's grandson second

An opportunity recently presented itself to me, here in Michigan.  My talents are wanted yet again:

Hi,
We are looking for a Hand double for Adrien Brody’s hand.
If interested and available. please send a photo of your hand with your fingers spread apart on a flat surface.
Filming is in Howell, MI. Rate is $120.00 for 8 hours and overtime after 8.
Please include your name and phone number in your reply email. Please also provide your ring size if you know it.
Thanks.

All right… I’ll admit that it wasn’t sent directly to me, but I know my hands can do it.  They’re very good actors – trust me.  Hey, Marzon was a prima donna, and Mantle’s grandson forced me to feign excitement, like, six times. 

How difficult would it be to play Adrien Brody’s hands?  My hands can check the time.  Flip the pages of a book.  Type.  Make a sandwich.  Hold things.  Drop things.  Throw things.  Flick things.  Pet a co-star’s head.  I guess they could even caress a co-star’s breast, if needed.  *wink*wink*   (Although, I should double-check who’s in it.)  They can do anything!  (Except gut a fish.  Please don’t make them gut a fish.  Or hook a worm.  I have bad memories from my pimping days…)

Happy Find… Garfield Minus Garfield (Plus Garfield Elsewhere)

Posted on by sgottahurt

There’s a cool website out there called Garfield Minus Garfield, which takes Garfield out of his eponymous uncool strip.  The orginal is by Jim Davis; the reinvention is by Dan Walsh.  Sample:

It's like my life, except I don't have a cat...

It's like my life, except I don't have a cat... but neither does he...

 So I started thinking… since Garfield was unemployed, what if he took on roles in other comic strips?

(NOTE: I planned on making more, but these were quite timing comsuming for a lazy person like me.)

peanutsgarfield1

calvingarfiled

(Original source comics after jump)

Read More

I Am Thankful For… Beer

Posted on by sgottahurt

Me wantee

Me wantee

What color would my urine be?

What color would my urine be?

It is Thanksgiving and what better day to give thanks to the greatest gift of all… beer.  And not just any beer – all beers (which I guess technically is any beer… no, any is not all-inclusive… you almost got me, inner dialogue… but doesn’t dialogue suggests two… do I have two voices in my head?)

Anyhasenfefferincorporated, back to the beer.  I was thinking about my early days of drinking, and how my initial inclination toward “better tasting drinks” shifted toward “cheaper drinks.”

In the early Canada/Impress-Hooters-Waitresses phase, I was all about Labatt Blue.  As I immatured, the pocketbook gave way to Bud Light.  (“So you’re telling me Labatt’s a buck more because it’s imported?  From Canada?  Which is next door to Detroit?”)  Then as my friends’ digestive systems could no longer tolerate BL, we’ve since moved onto Miller Lite.  (I’m a stalwart trailblazer that bucks the trends and divines my own path!)

Truth is, my beer is whatever’s on special that night.  Corona, American Ale, PBR, Michelob, Coors – no pickiness here.  It’s probably the only thing I’m not picky about, and for that I’m the most thankful of all.

Me

I don't know these people, but I do know their passion... no, not for each other... ah, forget it

Three Men And A Comeback (Wait… That Sounds Bad)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Today must be 80’s day, and for that I’m extremely thankful.  The word through the pipelines that is the TripleDoubleU is Steve Guttenberg, Ted Danson, and Tom Selleck are in talks to reunite and finally complete the “Three Men and a…” Trilogy.

According to Guttenberg:

It’s called “Three Men and A Bride.” The script is pretty much written and we are really keen to get that made. We’re very hopeful.  (via IMDb)

They’re very hopeful?!  I’m fucking-on-the-edge-of-my-seat hopeful.  I’m I’ll-go-without-shitting-until-this-thing-is-released hopeful.  I’m on pins and needles that have herpes and syphilis and AIDS on them serious.  I’ve been literally dying to know what’s been going on in Michael, Jack, and Peter’s life since the last movie.  Um, didn’t someone get married to somebody in that one?  Wasn’t there some sheep in the road gag that held the wedding up?  And where did that ghost from the first one go?  Was he friendly or evil, or simply lonely?  Will the two non-dads hit on the third pal’s daughter who will no doubt be hot and legal?

I’ve been waiting for a star to fall, and since pretty much all three of the leads’ stars have dropped*, I’m all for this belated sequel.  With the bar set low by “Indiana Jones 4,” this flick should be a masterpiece.  (And there’s rumors about another “Police Academy.”  Aieeeeee!)

*Becker did all right by himself and with some help from Larry David, but sadly and wrongly, Magnum has not fared as well.  The Gute did do a stint on “Dancing with the Stars,” but he also runs naked through Central Park.