I Am Not An Addict, And I’m Not Denying It (I’m Curious, Is All)

Posted on by sgottahurt

So this is the second time today I’ve experienced the extreme need of getting to my computer.  It may be an early sign of addiction, but I’m not denying it, so there! 

 During the drive home, on the radio, David Bowie and Queen’s Under Pressure played away, and I actually listened to the entire thing and enjoyed it thoroughly.

What’s the big deal? you might think, or I can’t believe you actually did that! or What’s the B.F.D. you addict!?

Well, here’s Part One of why I needed to get home – I used to hate that song.  I despised it to the core.  I don’t know if it was Vanilla Ice’sliberal borrowing of the back beat for his horrendous tune or David Bowie’s lavish oddness and his affinity for the indulgent, but it was a station changer for sure.

Part Two of why I needed my num-num (laptop) – it made me extremely happy hearing it, and I needed to know why.  I don’t even know if it’s supposed to be a happy song, or what any of its lyrics are.  I decided that it must have reminded me of something I liked so much that all of my past transgressions against the song faded away.

Courtesy of the wonders of the TripleDoubleU, voila!  (I’m so embarrassed, btw…)

Do We Live In A Uri-Nation?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have never raced back to the office in such a hurry to post something so juvenile.

As I left a client, taking the back alley, across the street further down the alley, I saw this:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

 At first, I wondered if it was a small child sitting on a ball, or if it was a person at all and my mind might be playing tricks on me, but nope!  The being in question stood up and drew up their drawers.  Yes!  I had witnessed public… something… and I needed to further investigate.

I had already turned away from the alley, so the next step was to turn down the following street.  Why such levels of curiosity?  I needed to know, for some reason, whether it was a dude dropping a deuce (because it’d be gross that he didn’t wipe) or a lass writing her name in Sanskrit (which is still kinda gross about the whole wiping thing).

As I may my left turn in a hurry, I spotted the culprit taking her seat on the brownstone’s front steps.  She was on her cell phone and it appeared, by my summation, not to be a new call!  Movers were taking things into the house around her, so why didn’t she relieve herself inside?

Was she afraid of getting caught with her pants down?

Happy Find… How To Dance: The Final Chapter

Posted on by sgottahurt

I think my brain melted over the weekend. 

During my marathon of a certain horror film series that gets its reboot this Valentine’s Day weekend, I stumbled across a particular scene in The Final Chapter (not really) of Friday the 13th that I had seen once before.  While working on an older post about Back to the Future’s Crispin Glover, I had played through some videos of his career and life missteps.  This is one glaring example of a misstep if I ever saw one:

Musical Musings… There Could Be Worse Ear Worms

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ever hear of Carly Rae Jepsen?  Ever hear her song Tug of War?  Well hear ya go! 

May it get stuck in your head as it has mine.

JusWondering… Is This Bad? Or By Asking, Does That Make It Bad?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know if it would be politically incorrect to start marketing bumper stickers like these…

ihopemycarissafe

Touchy!

…or if it’s just plain old fashion funny (which I guess would make it politically incorrect)?

InASense, Lost… The Third Film Of A Series, Then In 3-D!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’m on a bit of a Friday the 13th bender, and I’m happy to say that the third film in the series was originally in 3-D.  Which in the olden days meant random objects were held up and pointed at you… Eeeeeek!  Scary!

( Man, how I already miss Don LaFontaine.)

In this film, aside from the opening credits, I was “shocked” to have the following things aimed/thrown/extended at me:

  • a laundry line
  • a TV antenna
  • a rat walking out on a plank
  • a fake looking snake leaping
  • a baseball bat held back by a child
  • a joint
  • a wrapped-up eyeball
  • a bundle of hay
  • a wallet
  • a chain through a windshield
  • a fist threw a car window
  • a yo-yo
  • a girl climbing a ladder
  • a pitchfork (its handle)
  • a pitchfork (its… forks)
  • a double dose of different pitchfork handles
  • a machete blade, walking by
  • juggling apples and oranges
  • a harpoon shot… (also the first time Jason wears his hockey mask)
  • popping popcorn
  • a hot fire poker
  • an eyeball popping out of a squeezed head (SRSLY)
  • a bookshelf full of books
  • a girl (our hero) dropping from rafters
  • then Jason dropping as well
  • finally, Jason’s chasin’ hands (<–good band name, btw)

With the reinvigorated hoopla about 3-D films, I can’t wait to see what will be thrust at me next!

Happy Find… Billy Mays Dubs

Posted on by sgottahurt

I feel like when I even write about Billy Mays, I should WRITE IN CAPS!  He’s the RonCo for a new generation.  As ubiquitous as he is, and as pretentious as that sounds, toilet humor has never been better than in these dubs of his commercials.  I had trouble picking which ones to highlight, so I picked three and gave you a heads up what you might find in them if you’re SHORT ON TIME!

If someone decides to take a shit in the bathtub or have sex in a vase, check this one out:

If you can relate to this level of hate: “Look at this rug, I hate this rug, I’m going to ruin this rug!”  Check this one out:

If when you’re outside picking up shit, you’re afraid the kids are inside stealing your food, then check this one out:

You can check out the rest at JaboOodyDubs YouTube page.

(via FilmDrunk)

In My Brain While Sleeping… Drugs, YouTube, Annoying Hosts, And Soup

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay… I wasn’t going to post this dream, but it hasn’t stopped me before.  You may wish that I’d stuck to my guns, but I misfired.

The bulk of the dream consisted of the introduction of a new drug called something like Avilify.  Basically, by taking this pill daily, your body maintained a homeostatic temperature that kept you comfortable whether you were in 110° F or -10° F (sorry, but I don’t know Celsius).  Another feature of the product was you only needed six hours of sleep per day.  You couldn’t sleep more and you couldn’t sleep less.

avilify-copy1

Ask your doctor all about it! Because we sure won't tell you what it does in the commercials!

While this is all fine and dandy as far as dreams go, the part I’m leary to bring up is… well, Ryan Seacrest and I became friends.

How that came to be was I was the head of marketing for Avility, and he was to be the spokesman.  We ended up making YouTube videos of him mocking celebrity advertisements, like the film Crazy People did.

Example: 

ryancampbell-copy

What my Grandma used to make me eat.

In effect, his popularity soared even more, and I made crap loads of money.  Avilify changed my life!

JusWondering… Whatever Happened To Jazzercise?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I stopped by the video store I used to work at last night to visit my brother, Scott, (and to pick up Friday the 13th: Parts 1 and 2 ‘natch).  As I looked around, I kind of missed the old joint.  And it wasn’t so much the unlimited access to all the DVD’s (considering I have way more than enough at home), but it was the strange things that used to happen there.

One common occurrence was us workers would be talking about some random old film, and shortly thereafter someone would return that exact film.  There are plenty of things I could go on about, but maybe I’ll save that for another post.

I stopped by on my way to soccer, and my sister’s fiance Will (the Monk Lookalike) happened to be up there at the same time.  Weird.

My old friend and former manager, Crystal, brought up the fact she stumbled upon pictures of a trip a huge group of us took to Chicago years and years ago.  A few days ago, the very same trip was brought up by some of the others that been on it.  Kinda weird.

As I was walking out, some dude was looking at the Coming Attractions booklet that’s stacked on the end of the counter.  Our exchange:

Dude – “Dude, I can’t believe it’s coming out.”

Crystal, Scott, and I keep talking to each other.

Dude – “I knew it was going to be called Still Waiting.  It’s coming right to DVD.”

Me – “So you’re still waiting for Still Waiting.”

Dude gave me the thumbs up.  He showed me this picture:

...Let's wait someplace else...

...Let's wait someplace else...

I laughed.  “I thought Still Waiting was a suspense movie, like (*spooky voice*) Stiiiilllll Waaaaaiiitttiiinnggg.  Not the sequel.”  Scott and Crystal laughed, and I went on my merry way.

(SIDENOTE: Weird things happen all the time if you pay attention.  Another example occurred a couple days ago.  I passed this store named “NEVETS” and I realized it was STEVEN backwards.  This made me think of my cousin, and how he’s been watching old “Twilight Zone” episodes lately.  Right after that, the radio played the show’s theme in a commercial.)

twilight-zone

How many times do I have to tell you to CLEAN THIS ROOM UP!

(ANOTHER SIDENOTE: At trivia the other night, I teased my friend, Devin, who was hosting the game, by calling my team, “I’ll Be Teaching Jazzercise after the Show.”  His clothing choices were a bit 80’s, so when he had to announce our name, it made us laugh.  But it spooked the ladies who were playing at the table next to us.  Our exchange:

Lady – “That was you guys who made that name?”

Me – “Yeah, because of how Devin’s dressed.”

Lady (pointing to her friend) – “We thought it was because we just joined a Jazzercise group, and had our first class earlier tonight.”  At which point she opened her coat to reveal her Jazzercise logo emblazoned t-shirt.

You got to love the Symphony of Life.)

jazzercise

Come on and shake that azz for me, shake that azz for me!

In My Brain While Sleeping… Friday The 13th Reboot (My Version)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hello.  Sean here.  (So am I.)

Oh yeah, that’s my brain.  Say hi.  (Hi.)

In the midst of my many snoozes, it occurred to me that the new Friday the 13th remake isn’t sticking to its source material.  (How’s that?) 

In the original film, Jason Voorhees was not the killer.  His mother was.  (Should you have put a spoiler alert?  Someone may not have wanted to know this.)  She avenged his alleged drowning while in the hands of irresponsible, sex-crazed teens.  Starting withthe second film, he avenged the death of his mother.  In the third film, he starts wearing the hockey goalie mask (it’s based on one from the 50’s Detroit Red Wings).

If this film is a sequel, it’s ignoring the last few films in the series, whereas if it’s a remake, it’s ignoring the first film.  If it’s a reboot, then how does Jason come to be?  Well my dreams may have found the answer.

He's such a cut up.

He's such a cut up.

  • The first dream between snoozes involved a golf cart on a log raft that tipped over and sunk into Crystal Lake.
  • The second dream involved a girl crossing the lake with a boy, and then boy jumped out and swam to shore.  More ridiculous versions of this continued until my conscious (and subconscious) met…
  • (NOTE: I was going to reference as many versions of the dream as there were sequels, but quite frankly, they were pretty repetitive… just like the films!)
  • In the final dream that woke me up, Jason Voorhees came to be like this:

On one side of Crystal Lake was a fat camp, and on the other side was a sports camp.  A chubbier girl would meet with one of the guys and they would get it on in the sports camp.  The guy was a real dick and he’d laugh to all his friends about how she keeps coming back for more.  Through the summer, she loses no weight, and in fact puts on more… because she’s pregnant.  When she reveals this to the boy, he breaks up with her.  All his friends sabotage her boat while they argue.  She asks him for a keepsake and he gives her one.  At the center of Crystal Lake, her boat becomes waterlogged.  As she sinks, welcoming her death, she clings to her keepsake – the boy’s goalie mask.  Jason is the supernatural son she never had (?) and he seeks revenge against anyone who visits his lake, while wearing his daddy’s face mask.  The end.  (Or is it the beginning?)

Tah dah!  (Tah dah!)

What a weird dream, btw.  (Any time!)