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JusWondering… Am I Getting Mind Powers?

Posted on April 18, 2009 by sgottahurt

When I was a kid, I believed carrots improved your eyesight, gum stuck to your ribs (if you swallowed it), and fish made you smart.

Remember the food chain, dude!

I hated carrots, so my eyesight was never too hot. (Sleeping in contact lenses for months at a time probably didn’t help.)

It took me until high school to realize that the chest pains I felt while growing up had nothing to do with the gum I swallowed in my youth. (Hubba Bubba goes nowhere near your ribs!)

And even though I liked my fish sticks as a kid, the idea became less attractive in my teens and further into adulthood. (Seafood stinks!)

"Fish heads, fish heads, eat 'em up, yum!"

So imagine my disappointment when I found out how good Omega-3 fish oils were for you, and my joy upon discovering they came in pill form!

The problem that remained was I kept forgetting to seek them out for purchase. Well forget them no more! I finally picked up a bottle, and I already believe I’m beginning to see results.

The biggest difference I’ve noticed is that I’m becoming psychic. I would regale you with all the details, but they seem to have escaped me for now.

Stay tuned as I report any further advancements of my mind!

Drunken Recollection… A Canadian, A T-Shirt, A.I., And Some Bars

Posted on April 17, 2009 by sgottahurt

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a Drunken Recollection. It’s not so much that I have no Recollection. It’s moreso that I haven’t been Drunken (or I give it all up to Twitter – damn!)

This past night was an odd collection of Items to Note:

Note 1) Our live trivia host sounded identical to Norm MacDonald.

How cool would it be if the pic on the mug was holding a picture of Norm holding a mug?

And that wasn’t a bad thing. It was simply strange, because the guy looked more like this:

Not to be confused with Kris Kross.

Note 2) There was a guy that was very proud of his t-shirt that read, “My Giveadamner Is Broken.”

I couldn’t find the exact t-shirt he had, but there are plenty of varities out there. Apparently, I could have cared less, so I guess my giveadamner was broken, too.

Note 3) The American Idol judges saved someone?

This was playing in the background on the TV, so I have an excuse. Okay, I really don’t have an excuse because I watched the show the day before, and I thought local-yokel Matt Giraud didn’t perform that great.

More "grating" than "great."

Albeit, I would listen to him for 100 years before listening to Adam Lambert sing Born to Be Wild ever again. Or anything, for that matter. (I hope Allison wins, or maybe even Anoop!)

Note 4) CBGB stood for Country, Blue Grass, & Blues?

ZOMG! It's closed!

CBGB’s, as far as I knew, was the place where hardcore punk was born, not country, blue grass, and blues?

This topic brought up conversation about the Fillmore in San Francisco, and how there’s one here in Detroit since Live Nation gobbled up the State Theater and renamed it.

I tried bringing up the historic place in Detroit, where groups like the MC5 got their start, but no one knew. So I had to research it.

Found it:

ZOMG! It's abandonned!

I was thinking of the Grande Ballroom.

………

That’s all I got. I already mentioned my giveadamner’s broken.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Lily Allen, Free Tickets, And The Chinese Restaurant

Posted on April 16, 2009 by sgottahurt

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Dailymotion – LILY ALLEN – Smile, une…“, posted with vodpod

So long as I’ve been following her on Twitter (I made it at least a few posts without bringing the micro-blogger up), Lily Allen has been playing a little game with her fans. Every town she visits, she hides tickets and Tweets cryptic clues to their locations.

I’ve already dreamed in Twitter. The next step was this:

When the British songstress visited Detroit, I tried figuring out the hints, but I didn’t bother searching. My dream changed all that.

I was in a Chinese restaurant downtown near the casinos. What’s funny is I don’t know if there are any Chinese restaurants there, and I certainly don’t eat Chinese (I stick to the basics of pizza and Pop Tarts, thanks).

Anywok, for some reason I was the host of said establishment, and there was a short girl with long black hair blocking her face. She was hanging out in the waiting area, and she kept looking in at me, even though she didn’t have a reservation.

Eventually, I realized that she was looking at my podium, and I headed to the front to see what all the fuss was about. There were two blue tickets taped to the wood grain. They weren’t official looking or anything. It was as if they were made in Print Shop or something.

(Not So) Artistic Representation

I peeled them off and Lily Allen rushed toward me, moving the hair from her face. “Congratulations!” she said with her cute accent. And no one in the place budged.

Disappointed with the dining crowd’s reaction, I shouted, “Free computers are hidden all over Greektown!” Everyone leaped to their feet and dispersed, ditching their bills to do so. I was fired on the spot, but it didn’t matter… not the way Lily was looking at me.

“Howzabout we skip me concert and go for a stroll,” she said. And we did.

INGREDIENTS: Too much Twitter… and Jellybean Nerds.

The $500 Million Russian Bride?

Posted on April 15, 2009 by sgottahurt

meloksana1

This is not a Conspiracy Theory!

Mel Gibson and his wife Robyn have reportedly split after 28 years of marriage. The word on the street (where the Road Warrior lives) is that they’ve been separated for about two and a half years, and in that time Mad Max has been putting his Lethal Weapon in a myriad of young ladies’ Thunderdomes.

Most notably, he’s been sharing a few Tequila Sunrises with this girl, so he could, um, Pocahontas her:

Her name is Oksana Pochepa, if you couldn’t distinguish between all the mumbo jumbo Russian in the video’s title. She’s a famous model/singer/model. And The Man Without a Face wearing a blindfold, playing the sax in the video is not Mel Gibson. It’s just a coincidence that his name is Mel. Or least he looks like a Mel.

Apparently, although Mel is not Forever Young, he is still largely What Women Want(even though he’s prone to calling bazongas sugar tits), particularly this Russian hottie with such a Braveheart.

According to Oksana, from the Sun UK:

We are different people, but Mel is a grown man and knows precisely what he wants and me too — I know what I want.

They’re both such Maverick(s). How could wife Robyn not see the Signs? She’s sure to want to Ransom his nuts, or at least get some kind of Payback, right?

DING DING DING DING! Time for some math! Yay!

Here are the facts:

She’s 24.
He’s 53.
His marriage lasted 28 years.
He’s worth almost $1 billion.
His wife wants half that.

I don’t know what the math problem is, per se, but one question remains:

Is Oksana Pochepa worth half a billion dollars?

The answer: re-watch the video.

(Movies not used in puns: Bird on a Wire, Air America, Hamlet, We are Soldiers, The Singing Detective, The Patriot, The River, Gallipoli, Fathers’ Day, and The Year of Living Dangerously… I probably could have squeezed in one of those last two)

(mostly via IDLYITW)

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Favorite “Family Guy” Moments

Posted on April 14, 2009 by sgottahurt

It’s way overdue and slightly undercooked, but here’s the latest offering of my boss’ opinion. Paul, who once upon a time was simply my “friend,” simply luuurves Family Guy. This list is the fruit of his looms his labor:

Top Five Favorite “Family Guy” Moments

5) Drinking game where Quagmire loses (click here for video)

4) “Puke-A-Thon” [Not to be confused with Stand By Me’s Barf-O-Rama. – Ed.]

3) First appearance of Greased Up Deaf Guy

2) Peter competes with his real dad in a drinking game (click here)

1) Randy Newman sings about whatever he sees

JusWondering… What Do Hackman, Rudd, The Gute, And The Mac Guy Have In Common?

Posted on April 13, 2009 by sgottahurt

In response to the post title’s inquiry: they’re all… Actors!

Here’s a couple things I’ve been JusWondering about each.

1) Gene Hackman

"Men at Work 2: Trash Tweens"

Whatever happened to Gene “Hack Man” Hackman? Why hasn’t he been acting lately? The last film he appeared in was Welcome to Mooseport, and heaven forbid something happens to him, but does an actor of his caliber really want his swan song to be a co-starring vehicle with the guy that played a CGI mammoth? Personally, I think he’s better than most of the Actors! of his generation… mostly because he was Lex Luthor and Popeye Doyle. And of course, Royal Tenenbaum.

2) Paul Rudd/Steve Guttenberg

The Rudd meets the Gute, and it was "Grute"

Paul Rudd reminds my mother of Steve Guttenberg, for some reason. Though I would have to admit that if they when they remake Police Academy, Rudd would make a great Mahoney.

I also think he would make a great Krull, if that’s what the main character’s name was. If Krull is the blue guy, the chick, or the kick-ass weapon, then no. All I remember about Krull is that kick-ass weapon.

I should have Photoshopped Rudd into this, but I'm lazy.

3) Justin Long

He Longs for a major hit.

How about this guy and his scene stealing? I don’t think he works as well as a lead (Accepted or Waiting…), or as well as an assistant lead (Live Free or Die Hard), but in bit parts… he shines. Since I was initially amused by him in Galaxy Quest, he’s eaten the scenery (and his co-stars) in The Break Up, Idiocracy, Walk Hard, and Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Will Ferrell started off the same way, in the background out loud, and now he slays in (most of) his films. Maybe the same will happen Justin time so he won’t have to wait for too Long.

Worth 1002 Words… Now With Alternates

Posted on April 12, 2009 by sgottahurt

Fort Closure?

Or how about:

Out Castle?
Detroit Kingdom?
Wood Visit?
Who’s Board?
Moater City?

Happy Find… New “Star Trek” Movie Cut Scenes

Posted on April 11, 2009 by sgottahurt

OH MY BORG!

J.J. Abrams’ version of Star Trek hits theaters May 8th, but if you can’t wait for the DVD and all the extras, check out these exclusive cut scenes now!

P.S. I am so saddened by the fact I missed posting yesterday. It was the first time in all my six months that I didn’t get to write or steal anything. I have only dial-up at home and my iPhone’s battery went dead. Woe is me…

Thank space that Singing Spock brightened my day!

(and thanks to Dave for finding this gem!)

InASense, Lost… “Hi, My Name Is Sean, And I’m A Webaholic”

Posted on April 9, 2009 by sgottahurt

In deciding between calling myself a netaholic or a webaholic, it was only then that I realized the similarities between a “net” and a “web,” and I wondered if such naming was on purpose, but I digress…

Allow me to reiterate. I. Am. Addicted. To the TripleDoubleU. (I was tired of using these “.” for a moment.)

I’d like to blame it on the stock market crashing and I will.

See, I work in IT, and just like how a stripper doesn’t enjoy bringing her work home (maybe that was a bad example), I wasn’t too keen on doing much on the web once I got home. I had five blogs I regularly read, and I played on the Hollywood Stock Exchange (my user name is TakeOne if interested). Otherwise I did banking and billing (and occasional drunk purchases on Amazon or DeepDiscount).

But when the market crashed and EVERYONE panicked, my company’s clients held their breath and stopped calling, and I was suddenly left with a lot of free time on my hands. I never got into MyBook or FaceSpace, so I started checking out this whole blogging thing. Voila! MonkeyBlogMonkeyDo was born.

But now I’m in a bit of a crisis. Over the last six months, I’ve kinda developed a needto be online. First off, I have way more than five blogs to read on a daily basis. Plus I have two (and sometimes more if I feel like it) of my own to tend to. Throw in my recent crippling desire to Twitter, and it’s borderline unbearable. For example, how am I supposed to watch TV and DVD’s without a functioning laptop on top of my lap (functioning = online).

Where the major crisis stems from is the fact that the neighbor’s wifi I’ve been “borrowing” seems to have been cancelled. I believe this started April 1st, and I’m beginning to lose my mind.

I live in Detroit, and my only option for a provider is Comcast, and I can’t stand Comcast (although I do love their new commercials). So here I sit. Writing this blog. Using dial-up.

Maybe I need to get this (click here to take you to the site because I couldn’t post it via dial-up!):

The Innernette! It all fits on one CD!

Also, I feel a kindred spirit in last season’s South Park episode, “Over Logging.” If you haven’t seen it, check it out here. Just be warned – there is a very gross scene that even Trey Parker couldn’t believe they got away with putting on TV.

Okay, sure, maybe I’m just being whiny, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t find it fair that no one else but Comcast has upgraded lines in my area to give us consumers some options.

…mjusayin…

Drunken Recollection… Supercalifrag-Religion-Expialidocious

Posted on April 8, 2009 by sgottahurt

Religion would not seem to be a great topic of conversation while imbibing libations, but in my group of friends… well, you can only tell so many bathroom horror stories.

Since all of us (pretty much) were born and raised Catholics, all of us (pretty much) are no longer. So topics about what we are, where we’ll go, and how many blue cars there are come up often. One of the common ones – which bands are religious and claim/pretend not to be.

Recently, it was brought up about this band, and this album, and the song Shine:

Whoa... heaven let your light shine down.

Does it mean they are religious? Quite the opposite. From their Wikipedia page:

Ed Roland was reading Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead and came across the phrase “collection of souls.” Although author Ayn Rand actually uses the phrase in a negative connotation, using the “collective soul” as a threat to the main character’s sense of individualism, Ed is quick to point out, “…we’re not preaching Ayn Rand, objectivism, egoism, or anything…we just dug the name…” and “it [the band’s name] could’ve come out of a Motorcycle Magazine.”

There have been other bands we’ve accused, such as Vertical Horizon (because their name describes a cross, but they seem like a basic college band), The Fray (made up of non-proselytizing Christians), Lifehouse (started as Christian band called Blyss, but they’re no longer that way) , and Switchfoot (name comes from surfing, but they have played Christian rock concerts). It’s interesting that none of them claim to be 100% Christian Rock bands (because how else could they sell to the masses, so to speak).

I just think they’re afraid to be associated with this kind of stuff:

(via the incredible Everything is Terrible)

And in the same way, could I say I enjoyed their music if they were considered CCM (Contempory Christian Music)?

Why OHIO? Why not YMCA?

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