I searched for "wp.com," and I'll I got was this lousy t-shirt. Thanks, Bing!
Decision engine, my ass. There’s no decision to make here, Microsoft.
If you think I wanted Hewlett-Packard’s website, or a website about Poland, I would have typed HP or Poland. HP gets mentioned three times on one page, and WordPress’s abbreviated URL isn’t even mentioned once. Hmm. Where’s the ad revenue coming from? It’s not like Microsoft and HP have any common interests, do they? (For the record, Washington Post makes some sense, but their website is their name and not their initials, unlike WordPress.com!)
Decision engine sounds more like a retconning decision, as in “We have a crappy search engine… how can we explain why it’s that way?”
Decision engine. Fucking decision engine. I’ve decided to stick with Google. (BONUS: Outdated catchphrase coming up!) And that’s my final answer.
"Baaad-bad-bad-bad-bad-bad-bad-bad-Bing, big boo..." he might have crooned.
Courtesy of the Onion News Network comes this gem. What I like best is the part where they’re mean to the kids…
In My Brain While Sleeping… A Costume I Never Would Have Thought Of While Awake
Blah blah blah subconscious something something weird dream… I met a man wearing this costume and when I inquired about it, he pulled granite from his pocket, placed it on the last stair and said:
"I'm Rock Bottom."
Drunken Recollection… Two Gorillas Are Better Than One
My cousin Steve and I have matching costumes. We debuted them last week at my brother’s party. It was a blast. The next day, I had another party to attend, but I opted to go as Hipster Jesus. Another gorilla was there, and my heart broke a little…
Musical Musings… How Do You Kill The Gill Man?
Is this a good song? No. But does the Monster Mash really deserve being the only Halloween song? (Not counting Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, of course.)
Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Did PB Max Get “Discontinued” For Peanut Butter Twix?
PB Max... PB Twix... hmm...
I loved PB Max almost instantly when it was released in 1990. It was the companion candy to the caramel Twix bars I’d eat everyday. (There was a 5¢ mail-in rebate deal on each wrapper, so I binged one summer, sent them all in, and received a $5 check 6-8 weeks later. You can do the math.)
Anysweettooth, seemingly as quickly as the candy burst on the scene, by th mid-90’s, it was gone. A couple more years passed and all-of-the-sudden there was a Peanut Butter Twix bar (and the original became Caramel Twix with a capital-C, as you candyC see).
Whatever happened to all the razor blades in apples and the kidnappings? The night’s supposed to be scary for kids. It’s like a PG-13 horror film these days.
Worth 1002 Words… My Old Halloween Costume Edition
Boxing Match
(lyrics to Halloween Survival Guide, you know, in case your ears aren’t working)
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 