Video

JusWondering… Which Is Worse – The Twilight Saga Or Twilight Fans?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I can’t take it anymore.  I’m beyond words.  I may really have to begin holding this against people.

If you like the Twilight films, I think there is something wrong with you.

Of course, the latest film The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 is in theaters now, so the actors are making their rounds on the late night circuit.

These are two of the clips they show to sell it:

Dumb doesn’t even begin to explain the people who paid to see this – the fifth film – at the show.

As an exclamation point, here’s Robert Pattinson swinging Kristen Stewart like a purse at the bad guys:

I'm on Team Mayan. Come on end of the world!

I’m on Team Mayan. Come on end of the world!

Musical Musings… Am I The One That’s Corrupted? (All Signs Point To Yuck)

Posted on by sgottahurt

At one point in my life, I had an untainted mind (I could barely write that without evoking mental images).

Nowadays, it doesn’t take much for my bowling ball brain to land in the gutter.  The latest occurrence involved a song with this title:

SEED TOSS by SUPERCHUNK

I didn’t even listen to the song.  My reaction was, “ewww,” and I touched that dial.  Here’s the song if you’re interested:

But was my repulsed gut instinct on the mark?  Are my sensibilities that warped that I took the gross song title and coincidentally horrible band name to an extreme context of double entendre?

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I envy you.  But to confirm or deny my impulse judgment, let’s look at the lyrics (I still refuse to listen to the tune):

‘Cause (and) here you come on your broom
Your mood ring’s turning brown
You will begin to feel it soon
You’re tossing your seeds around

(Read more at SongMeanings)

Okay… so it’s about a girl who’s a witch or a bitch or Joanna Appleseed?  The rest of the lyrics add little insight.

Could I be completely off base?  Is it just about a girl gardener?

Heaven help my soul.

Heaven help my soul.

Happy Finds… The Triforce And A Hula Hoop

Posted on by sgottahurt

Video games and hula hoops might be considered childish things.

But what about a fake movie trailer based on a video game and a mesmerizing mellow dance routine using a hula hoop?

You’re not reading this anyway.  You’re looking at the videos, right?  I can say anything I want here, and I’m going to take full advantage of that.  I sometimes daydream about getting lick-attacked by, like, a dozen puppies.

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Throwing Things At The Wall And See What Sticks Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t know where to begin with this post. Which one gets the coveted title of The Shit and which gets Just Shitty.  I guess I’ll just GoJo with my gut since that’s where it’s all made…

THE SHIT (FIGURATIVELY LITERAL)

This is a real company’s website.  I only found out about it by passing a truck bearing its logo on the freeway.  I don’t care what they make.  (I don’t know what they make.)

Butt they’re ad campaign is ASS… THE ORIGINAL, and I couldn’t ass-k for more (check it out here):

Mind, meet gutter. Ass, meet end of arm tooling.

THE SHIT (LITERALLY FIGURATIVE)

Is this product a bad idea?  Or worse yet, is it a great idea?

The GoJo Hands Free seems like something out of the past.  But in this case, the past is only like three years ago…

JUST SHITTY

Speaking of (more than three) years ago, aren’t these songs horribly dated?  I didn’t like them then, so I definitely don’t like them now:

  • Sugar’s Helpless
  • Dinosaur Jr’s Feel the Pain

(SIDENOTE: Perhaps I don’t hate them as much as I thought if I chose to remember to write about how much I hate them.  That’s tantamount to writing a letter to Santa Claus to tell him you don’t believe in him.)

Awful Battle… Different Types Of Awful (In Music Videos)

Posted on by sgottahurt

This post could get quite existential.  It’s going to ask the big questions that have no real answers.

First up –

Why is Chris Brown allowed to still be making music?

I’m not even taking any of the Rihanna crap into account.  I’m basing it solely on this horrid example of modern music, Don’t Wake Me Up:

What I don’t get is that even though the kid can sing, they do the shittiest auto-tuning of his voice at the 1:11 mark (and beyond).  I thought we were done with that!

Second up –

What parent allowed their child to be tortured like this?

I’ll grant you that the video for MGMT’s Kids is amazing.  But it’s mostly amazing because it traumatizes a child throughout.  The band does explain how they made it, but I didn’t feel like watching that video too.

Third up –

If you can clearly understand the lyrics, why would you show them through the whole damn video?

Matchbox Twenty reunited this summer and released their first song in (look up how long to fill in this blank) years, She’s So Mean, and instead of a clever representation of the song, they gave a literal literal one:

They ultimately released a banned band version, but it’s too late.  The damage is already done.

Hibbidy-Wah?! OMFG! There’s No F—in’ Way This Could Ever Happen!!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This show looks like absolute vodka shit.

It is called… Made in Jersey, and it will air on See B.S.… I mean, CBS.

The premise is stupid simple.  A girl woman from New Jersey becomes – wait for it – a lawyer!  Crazy, right?

Check out these awful promos.  As a bonus, they’re extra confusing because one introduces the actress playing the character, whereas the other just introduces the character.  Why do we need to know the actress?  This show won’t last.  And her dreams will be unceremoniously dashed against the Jersey shore…

Introducing Janet Montgomery (the actress):

Meet Martina Garretti (the character):

Nice timing, too, because every body is sooooo into New Jersey right now…

The Silver Lining… Gross Microscopic Creatures Sometimes Aren’t As Gross As You Think

Posted on by sgottahurt

My gut tells me to deplore this creature, but my heart tells me otherwise.

I hate microscopic creatures.  The macroscopic creep me out.  But Tardigrades might have changed my mind.  And not just because they’re called waterbears or moss piglets, which make them sound cute…

Happy Find… He’s Surprising! He’s Disguising!

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I was a kid (and maybe still now), I prided myself on knowing the words to many, many toy commercials.

Somehow, this one escaped me.

No matter what, Charger-Tron, you will not escape me again!

(SIDENOTE: This is YouTube gold.  Thank you to zorro3121 for sharing this with the world.)

A Handful Of… 90’s Rocker Chicks I’ve Never Seen

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you can imagine, there was a time before the TripleDoubleU and YouTube, when I didn’t have… wait for it… cable television.

In this time frame, there were a slew of lady rockers across the airwaves, the likes of Courtney Love and Alanis Morissette.  Those ladies I knew via my subscription to Entertainment Weekly.  But some other ladies – I had no idea what they looked like… UNTIL NOW.

A Tale of Two Marketing Campaigns

This song hit the stations the year the music industry changed.  Whitney Houston had the number one song of the year with I Will Always Love You; number two was Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit.  Hence you get two approaches to selling Sophie B. Hawkins – the Rancid crowd vs. the Rod Stewart crowd.  There were even two different videos (take one and take two… I prefer take one).  She’s not what I’d expect based on the song lyrics, but I wouldn’t have minded fulfilling her wish.

Mazzy Star is not Hope Sandoval

I learned two things while looking this up.  Apparently, Mazzy Star’s style of music is called dream pop.  I didn’t know this was a genre, but it makes sense.  The second thing I learned was Mazzy Star is not she… it’s they:

Mazzy Star is Hope Sandoval AND David Roback

(SIDENOTE: What is it about this song that reminds me of the TV show Friends?)

This girl does not like pants.

This one I’m slightly cheating on because I found out what she looked like when Why Can’t I? came out in 2003.  All I do know is if I had seen her in ’94, I probably would have developed a crush and bought her CD and went to her concert.  But I didn’t.  Money and time saved.  But now that I’ve seen she doesn’t really like shirts either on the TripleDoubleXU in 2012, I feel it’s all come full circle somehow.

Donna Lewis sounds like a fashion designer.

Okay, so she’s really not even close to what would be considered a 90’s rocker, but this song was everywhere.  I never knew what she looked like, and now I do.  That’s all I have to say about that.

Musical Musings… The Female Mind In The 80’s (According To A Swiss Duo)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I forgot all about this song until my good ol’ Sirius XM planted another earworm in my head.

It’s a song by Double about a woman that’s lost her love, and she still awaits his return.  What did she call him, or at least think of him as?  Wait for it… The Captain of Her Heart.

Only in the 80’s would a woman (even in a song written by two guys) consider her man the captain of anything.  Boats were weirdly popular, as were songs about sailing.  It was kind of a yuppie thing that even extended into fashion.

If this song was made in any other decade, I wonder what the hook would have been?

  • MOVING BACKWARD:

In the 70’s, it would have been The Yang of Her Yin.

In the 60’s, it would have been The Bread Winner of Her Children.

In the 50’s, it would have been Together Forever For Better or Worse.

  • MOVING FORWARD:

In the 90’s, it would have been The Cock that Dicked Her Over.

In the Aughties, it would have been Rock That Booty on a Boat, featuring T-Pain.

In the 10’s, it would be The Captain of Her C—.