Video | monkeyBLOG monkeyDO

Drunken Recollection… So Many Questions, So Many Beers

Posted on October 14, 2009 by sgottahurt

Here are some drunk items that popped up and required follow up (mostly because either my iPhone’s battery was dead, or I was too sauced to check at that moment). But it further proves my point. Well, maybe not my point as much as my slogan – “I’m Thinking Meets Drinking.”

Q: Have I ever heard of the song In The Year 2525 by Zager and Evans?

A: No. Well maybe. But I like this video somebody put together:

Q: Have I ever heard of Saturday Night Live alum, Charles Rocket?

He's a real person? I thought was a robotic character, perhaps.

A: No. Well maybe. He’s familiar looking for sure:

In further research (wassup Wiki?!), I uncovered these additional tidbits:

He was touted as a cross between Bill Murray and Chevy Chase during the 80-81 season of SNL.
He uttered the word “fuck” at the end of a show, and ceremoniously got canned with the bulk of the cast and crew (save Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy).
He committed suicide… by slicing his own throat.

Q: Have I ever heard of author David Foster Wallace?

A: You mean the man behind Infinite Jest, which Time magazine included in their 100 greatest English-language novels since 1923? You mean the man behind Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, which John Krasinski of The Office adapted into a film? No. Not at all. I just learned all this.

Also learned: he killed himself. (Wassup withat?!)

Q: Have you heard the original version of Unchained Melody by Al Hibbler?

A: I have now. But FYI – it technically wasn’t the original. But it did pre-date Ghost’s theme song the Righteous Brothers version.

Q: Who was I hanging out with that asked me so many questions?!

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Proactiv Curse

Posted on October 13, 2009 by sgottahurt

This post was originally going to be about my investigation into the ripping off of Bruce Hornsby (and the Range)’s Mandolin Rain (or is it Tupac’s Changes?) in Proactiv Acne Solutions’ commercials, but then I stumbled onto a greater conspiracy.

What do these young ladies’ have in common?

LiLo, KelCla, JeLoHew

They had stellar careers, booming out of nowhere, sky’s-the-limit…

Then they did Proactiv commercials.

How have they fared since?

LayLow - Kelly Clark Bar - Mrs. Jaime Kennedy?!

LayLow - Kelly Clark Bar - Mrs. Jamie Kennedy?!

(SIDENOTE: You may have noticed Jessica Simpson was also in their commercials, but did she really ever have a career?)

My biggest concern of late is this cutie:

Julianne Hough of "Dancing With My Heart"

She’s been in Proactiv commercials, and although she’s well-known (?) amongst Dancing with the Stars, country music, and Juicy Fruit fans, I hope to see more from her in the entertainment world.

Ultimately, this comes down to whether or not I’m reading into this (Coinkydink) or I’m onto something (Coinkydonk).

Your drunk thoughts Diddy?

Happy Find… 2012 Preview Re-Edits

Posted on October 10, 2009 by sgottahurt

Some people believe that the world is going to end December 21, 2012. I, on the other hand, think it already has. Why else would Taco Bell have gotten rid of chili cheese burritos? (NOTE: I considered innumerable options for this “joke,” but the truth is that I really really loved their chili cheese burritos…)

Anychuro, the new movie 2012 is going to be unleashed upon us well before then. Everyone that will see it will be seeing it because of the special effects, and not the actors or their acting. Don’t believe me? Here’s the trailer with all the destruction edited out:

BONUS VIDEO: A recut of the preview as if it was 70’s Grindhouse film. Enjoy.

BONUS PLEA: If anyone out there has any pull at Taco Bell, it would give me new hope to know that they might bring chili cheese burritos back. I mean, seriously, what did chili ever do to you, Taco Bell? You can have potatoes and bacon, and not chili? You can even have BellHedz and not chili?!

See, even he looks upset you don't have chili cheese burritos...

See, even these guys look upset you don't have chili cheese burritos anymore...

Hibbidy-Wah?! Dear Japan, Despite The Title, This One Might Not Be So Bad

Posted on October 9, 2009 by sgottahurt

When I was younger, my sister had these toys called Sylvanian Families:

Are the accelerator suits and weapons sold separately?

If they were anything at all like the rabbits in this Japanese cartoon, I might have taken them from her. That is all.

(SIDENOTE: I know this has been out there for a while, but I just found this one with English subtitles… which subsequently has been out there for a while. I know it’s probably not too shocking and therefore not really Hibbidy-Wah-worthy, but… ah, I don’t need to explain myself. But really – Cat Shit One?)

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Subtle Christian-Approved 80’s Songs

Posted on October 6, 2009 by sgottahurt

Holy crap! We’ve been busy at work, so my boss/friend Paul has been unable to make a new list, despite my pestering and bugging. So in honor of the “Holy Crapness” of this event, allow me to present:

Top 5 Subtle Christian-Approved Songs of the 80’s

5) Maneater – Hall & Oates
Sample Line: “Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!”
Christian-Approved Message: You couldn’t get anymore anti-oral sex than this song. Missionary only, please. (After marriage, of course…)

4) Keep Your Hands to Yourself – The Georgia Satellites
Sample Line: “No huggin’, no kissin’, until you make me your wife.”
Christian-Approved Message: This song should appeal to the abstinence-only crowd (hello, Jonas Brothers), as well as explain the shotgun weddings found often in the South (hello, Miley Cyrus).

3) We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart
Sample Line: (see title)
Christian-Approved Message: Another abstinence-only song. Girls are throwing themselves at him, and he is telling them, “No thanks, let’s just dance and drink some cherry wine.” He’s either very religious, or very gay… or both. (There might be openings at the monastery.)

2) Papa Don’t Preach – Madonna
Sample Line: “I’m gonna keep my baby… mmm…”
Christian-Approved Message: While the fact that Madonna is singing about getting knocked up out of wedlock might not sit well with the religious right, the fact that she is going to keep my her baby and get married to the boyfriend has to appeal to the pro-life movement. (And the messages of songs #3 and #4…)

1) You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Sample Line: “Yeah you… shook me… all… night… long.”
Christian-Approved Message: Unbeknowest to most people, this song is actually about a female demon that is exorcised. (Or is it exercised?)

Whom I always thought "Maneater" was about...

Just Sh–ty To The Sh–! Been “Wondering Years” About Frasier’s Theme Song

Posted on October 3, 2009 by sgottahurt

Usually, when I’m web surfing, I’m channel surfing. I needed to state that so you can understand why stumbling across these two discoveries blew. my. mind.

It may not be fair to say these beloved sitcoms were Just Shitty, and through the powers of the TripleDoubleU (and outstanding do-gooders uploading to YouTube), they magically became The Shit. I’m merely pointing out that the, um, points of contention these two videos address were Just Shitty moments from the original programs.

Who out there really thought the closing theme from Frasier was The Shit? Maybe Skittle Man, but I’d venture to guess not too many others. But if you slap it up, flip it, rub it down, you get this:

Likewise, The Wonder Years focused heavily on voice over work, courtesy of Home Alone baddie, Daniel Stern. Narration is perceived as a big, lazy, no-no in screenwriting, so imagine how ahead of the curb the 80’s classic would have been if Danny Stern had been left out of the equation. (It’d be tantamount to The Hills, only without the pop music filler…)

InASense, Lost… HotMilk Lingerie

Posted on October 2, 2009 by sgottahurt

The film American Pie introduced the world to a couple of notable items:

Stiffler
Guess what four-letter word he's thinking of...
Shitbreak
Who hasn't been there on a Sunday morning?
A horrific connection to apple pie (no image necessary)
And the concept of MILF’s (courtesy of Stiffler’s Mom)

That film came out eons ago, so I’m left to wonder… why does this commercial trouble me so? (The ending kind of freaks me out.)

Now I know it’s not as horrible as a dick hole in a pie, and maybe I’m being unenlightened by thinking this, but why do things keep breaking in that video? Is her stomach knocking up over shit? Is she crazy? Isn’t that dangerous to have an expectant mother in heels walking around smashed glass?

So many questions…

Drunken Recollection… What I Can Remember About Camping This Summer

Posted on October 1, 2009 by sgottahurt

Don't worry. This happened during squirrel season.

With summer finally over, it’s time for me to drunken recollect some of my camping highlights. Outside of drinking, eating, being in the water, being on the pontoon, drinking, eating, sitting by the campfire, beach volleyball, drinking, eating, and peeing in the water, this is all I can remember:

1) A squirrel fell out of a tree.
It happened in front of a few of my family members as they were walking. When they reached to check on the immobile rodent, it sprung back to consciousness and took off.

2) Some cyclist had this shirt on, as well as a bushy beard:

A Whopper of a beard, in fact...

3) There was a plan to tie me to a chair if I passed out drunk.
It didn’t happen on the earlier summer trip, but it did happen. At least the dumping me in the lake didn’t.

4) I pulled a boat via a rope in my teeth.
There is a picture out there I do not possess. I do remember my jawline aching, though.

5) There was a strange song playing on the iPod we took out to the sandbar.
Turned out it was from the film, Music and Lyrics. Here it is for your, um, pleasure?

6) In closing…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Drumdog Millionaire – CollegeHumor video“, posted with vodpod

Awful Battle… Crappy Movie Endings That Are (Surprise!) Crappy

Posted on September 26, 2009 by sgottahurt

It’s been said that a movie’s ending will make or break it. In the case of these films, they were already broken, so the finales bring it on home.

AWFUL BATTLE… ACTION!

American Anthem

Don’t let the pectacular stud on the poster fool you, this ending is full of non-sequiturs. Apparently, this film featured like 100 characters and required as many asides, glances, and incidents of closure. Don’t believe me about the amount of reaction shots? Look out for:

the creepy coach with dentures
moustached gymnasts
a mentally-challenged (?) wolfman-ish brother (?)
an 80’s rocker girl
Ocean Spray logos
smoking hands
the bad kid from Karate Kid
a Santa Claus biker with his child sidekick
lots of thumbs-ups
the return of an absentee (possibly recovering alcoholic) father
flashing lights
an army of gay bikers
Mary Lou Retton (?)
Little Orphan Annie

Click Poster For Video

Locusts

Made for CBS in 2005, at first viewing, you would think this film was intending to be a tongue-in-cheek comedy. According to iMDB IMDb, these are the categories it falls under:

Action | Sci-Fi | Horror | Drama | Thriller

With scenes like this it’s hard to believe, but with an ending like the one below, I’m thinking IMDb is full of kidders.

Click Poster For Video

R.O.T.O.R.

What can I add to the splendor of the horror that is this inept piece of cinema. Oh yeah. R.O.T.O.R. stands for: Robotic Officer Tactical Operation Research. The flick’s poster is more robotic than the robot in the film, and it’s made of paper.

Click Poster For Video

Student Confidential

This one already made it’s way around the TripleDoubleU, but it has to be included in this Awful Battle. Creepy must hang in the air around any of the Jackson family… in this case, it’s Michael’s brother, Marlon.

You Know What To Do

Musical Musings… Masterful Feline Musicians

Posted on September 24, 2009 by sgottahurt

I really wish I would have saved this picture:

Can't wait for the Meow Re-Mix

Perviously used in this post, it goes along purrfectly with this edition of Musical Musings. If you dove into this post willy-nilly without reading the above title, or if you have an aversion to reading large letters in bold typeface, allow me to introduce you to two of the most fascinating felines ever to grace the music scene (not counting Keyboard Cat or Josie and the Pussycats*, ‘natch).

The Classical Approach:

The Modern Take (wait for the breakdown at the end):

The Interpretive (Canine) Dance:

*It’s a shame, but I forgot how cute Tara Reid actually was, and I really do miss Rachael Leigh Cook. Wha’ happen to her? And look how young Rosario Dawson, um, looks. Eight years really makes a difference, I guess. And that’s my deep thought for the day.

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around:

Rate this:

Monkey Around: