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JusWondering… Am I A Sinner? Kirk Cameron Must Think So

Posted on February 20, 2009 by sgottahurt

Not sure why this has sparked my sudden interest, but the bad-seed-with-a-heart-of-Tracey-gold, Mike Seaver, we all grew up with (well maybe not all) has evolved into the Evangelical Kirk Cameron. This shouldn’t be news to anyone, but if you don’t believe me, click here.

While propagandizing teaching his beliefs, he’s made a few films that help convey his message. His latest is a film called Fireproof. The explanation, via IMDb:

Capt. Caleb Holt lives by the old firefighter’s adage: Never leave your partner behind. Inside burning buildings, it’s his natural instinct. In the cooling embers of his marriage, it’s another story.

After seven years of marriage, Caleb and Catherine Holt have drifted so far apart that they are ready to move on without each other. Yet as they prepare to enter divorce proceedings, Caleb’s dad asks his son to try an experiment: The Love Dare.

While hoping The Love Dare has nothing to do with his parents’ newfound faith, Caleb commits to the challenge. But can he attempt to love his wife while avoiding God’s love for him? Will he be able to demonstrate love over and over again to a person that’s no longer receptive to his love? Or is this just another marriage destined to go up in smoke?

All in all, it may not be your cup of tea when you’re a fan of a cup of T&A, but this video gathering the highlights of the film is… cringe worthy at best. My favortite part is how instead of beating his wife, he destroys his computer. I mean, who uses CRT monitors still anyway? I guess it wouldn’t be as “dramatic” to smash a flat-panel monitor or toss a laptop.

This whole affair really got me wondering – am I a sinner for the things I watch on the internet?

Is it a sin to sing about masturbating in the future?

Is it a sin to watch people pretend to masterbathe masturbate?

Is it a sin to watch a Japanese alien wake up with morning wood?

Is it a sin to laugh at a Russian getting attacked by a dildo copter?

Is it a sin to research how the fairer sex can join in the fun of peeing while standing up (and writing their name in the snow)?

Well if I am… fuck it. As the G.O.A.T., Billy Joel, once said:

I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The Sinners are much more fun…

BONUS SINNING:

Happy Find… I Like Ike

Posted on February 18, 2009 by sgottahurt

It’s a little late to be jumping on the bashing Dane Cook band wagon, and it’s a little late to be referencing Mad TV, but as they say… better late than pregnant!

Wait, that’s not right…

Here’s Ike Barinholtz nailing him… not literally of course.

In My Brain While Waking Up… Sweet Jehovah! A Demon Dog Is In My Hallway!

Posted on February 14, 2009 by sgottahurt

I’m not sure exactly why I do this, but I think it had something to do with me staying up too late and not waking up for work to get money so I could stay out too late or something, but I keep my alarm clock in the bathroom.

Now the only reason I’m mentioning this is because this morning, on my stumbling walk from my bedroom to the bathroom to hit snooze (as per my snooze addiction – the only reason I set my alarm for a Saturday morning), my t-shirt scared the piss out of me.

As I bumped the doorway at an angle I usually don’t (I often bump walls and doorways because I don’t open my eyes much), I spotted the corner of my black tee from last night in the hallway and thought it was a Demon Dog from Ghostbusters. Woke me up instantly.

At 9:37am between snoozes - yes.

Although it actually got my heart racing, I still hit the snooze bar on my alarm clock and laid back down, making sure to change the location and placement of the image-inducing cotton product.

What finally fully awakened me was my doorbell. And the door knocking. And the doorbell again. Oh yeah, there it is – interior door knocking now.

It must have snowed last night, was my first thought, and the incessant attention seeking noise was my neighbor kid wanting to shovel the walk, because sure-as-shit, the area Jehovah’s just ain’t that persistent. They politely knock, stick a pamphlet in the door handle, and move along, proselytizing. And if it was anyone I knew, they would have called in tandem with the racket, and my cellular remained silent. I checked out the window, and yup – two inches of snow on the ground.

Sure I could shovel it, I thought. But it’s going to melt anyway.

Bonus Saturday morning cartoon:

Extra bonus weekday syndicated cartoon:

(via Worst Cartoons Ever)

Happy Find… Billy Mays Dubs

Posted on February 7, 2009 by sgottahurt

I feel like when I even write about Billy Mays, I should WRITE IN CAPS! He’s the RonCo for a new generation. As ubiquitous as he is, and as pretentious as that sounds, toilet humor has never been better than in these dubs of his commercials. I had trouble picking which ones to highlight, so I picked three and gave you a heads up what you might find in them if you’re SHORT ON TIME!

If someone decides to take a shit in the bathtub or have sex in a vase, check this one out:

If you can relate to this level of hate: “Look at this rug, I hate this rug, I’m going to ruin this rug!” Check this one out:

If when you’re outside picking up shit, you’re afraid the kids are inside stealing your food, then check this one out:

You can check out the rest at JaboOodyDubs YouTube page.

(via FilmDrunk)

JusWondering… Whatever Happened To Jazzercise?

Posted on February 6, 2009 by sgottahurt

I stopped by the video store I used to work at last night to visit my brother, Scott, (and to pick up Friday the 13th: Parts 1 and 2 ‘natch). As I looked around, I kind of missed the old joint. And it wasn’t so much the unlimited access to all the DVD’s (considering I have way more than enough at home), but it was the strange things that used to happen there.

One common occurrence was us workers would be talking about some random old film, and shortly thereafter someone would return that exact film. There are plenty of things I could go on about, but maybe I’ll save that for another post.

I stopped by on my way to soccer, and my sister’s fiance Will (the Monk Lookalike) happened to be up there at the same time. Weird.

My old friend and former manager, Crystal, brought up the fact she stumbled upon pictures of a trip a huge group of us took to Chicago years and years ago. A few days ago, the very same trip was brought up by some of the others that been on it. Kinda weird.

As I was walking out, some dude was looking at the Coming Attractions booklet that’s stacked on the end of the counter. Our exchange:

Dude – “Dude, I can’t believe it’s coming out.”

Crystal, Scott, and I keep talking to each other.

Dude – “I knew it was going to be called Still Waiting. It’s coming right to DVD.”

Me – “So you’re still waiting for Still Waiting.”

Dude gave me the thumbs up. He showed me this picture:

...Let's wait someplace else...

I laughed. “I thought Still Waiting was a suspense movie, like (*spooky voice*) Stiiiilllll Waaaaaiiitttiiinnggg. Not the sequel.” Scott and Crystal laughed, and I went on my merry way.

(SIDENOTE: Weird things happen all the time if you pay attention. Another example occurred a couple days ago. I passed this store named “NEVETS” and I realized it was STEVEN backwards. This made me think of my cousin, and how he’s been watching old “Twilight Zone” episodes lately. Right after that, the radio played the show’s theme in a commercial.)

How many times do I have to tell you to CLEAN THIS ROOM UP!

(ANOTHER SIDENOTE: At trivia the other night, I teased my friend, Devin, who was hosting the game, by calling my team, “I’ll Be Teaching Jazzercise after the Show.” His clothing choices were a bit 80’s, so when he had to announce our name, it made us laugh. But it spooked the ladies who were playing at the table next to us. Our exchange:

Lady – “That was you guys who made that name?”

Me – “Yeah, because of how Devin’s dressed.”

Lady (pointing to her friend) – “We thought it was because we just joined a Jazzercise group, and had our first class earlier tonight.” At which point she opened her coat to reveal her Jazzercise logo emblazoned t-shirt.

You got to love the Symphony of Life.)

Come on and shake that azz for me, shake that azz for me!

Is It Abby Jolie Or Angelina Elliott?

Posted on February 2, 2009 by sgottahurt

It should be abundantly clear that I’m an unmerited fan (some may say) of Abby Elliott (since she hasn’t done that much on SNL… though enough for UCB). This is her best impersonation yet (IMHO). It’s also one of the few funny things that happened on Steve Martin’s latest stint as host:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Abby Jolie Or Angelina Elliott?“, posted with vodpod

JusWondering… Did Walmart See This Coming?

Posted on February 1, 2009 by sgottahurt

The Superbowl game just started and I saw a commercial against steroid use that uses the slogan, Don’t Be an Asterisk.

Too bad Walmart is in the process of changing their logo to this:

Ha ha, steroid user!

Drunken Recollection… Bombs, Bugs, And Blisters

Posted on January 30, 2009 by sgottahurt

There are things you’re taught, and there are things you learn. There are things you know, and things you choose not to remember. Sometimes these things come up at the bar.

Here are examples are each:

1) Things you’re taught. I was unaware of the existence of cornmeal bombs, and then one day I was taught not only their purpose, but how they work. Thanks CSI!

2) Things you learn. One of my buddies (Derek) works as a scientist (he says he’s not but by all intents and purposes, I say he is – just like how I refer to my engineering friends as inventors). What his job entails is creating bugs that will get rid of these guys:

How much wood can a woodborer bore if a... wait, it can. So all of it.

What I think is cool (which is highly subject, considering I think it’s cool to be considered a scientist), is that I had no idea he did this now. The last I heard he was categorizing lake muck, no he’s scientist-ing with insects! Also, I had seen signs all around Michigan for years saying not to transplant wood because of the Emerald Ash Borer pictured above, but I had no idea that it looked… like… that. Not to sound stereotypical, but it comes from Asia, and it looks like something that would come from Asia (is that stereotypical sounding?), in that I mean it looks foreign, and regal, and traditional (nice recovery). Anywood, since it’s winter, Derek cuts down trees to put them in heat chambers that fool the little dormant buggers into thinking it’s spring, then he unleashes his (team’s) creations on them! Awesome!

3) Things you know. I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and I know I don’t have the right shoes for it, so I know that I’m going to get a blister or two from speeding running jogging up and down the court.

4) Things you choose not to remember. I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and the chance came up to play last night. I had a soccer game that started late, so I knew I could squeeze in a couple hours of hoops. Then I’d have no problem playing soccer right after…

[INSERT GENERIC IMAGE OF BLISTER ON FOOT, PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION BECAUSE I’M SUCH A NICE GUY THAT’S NOT GOING TO PUT UP ANY PICTURES LIKE THIS]

JusWondering… Where Have I Seen You Before?

Posted on January 30, 2009 by sgottahurt

The beautiful Meital Dohan has entered my world seemingly out of nowhere. I have recently been catching up on Season 2 of Showtime’s Weeds and that’s where I found her. At least that’s where I thought I found her.

***sigh***

For my job, we use a little online service called LogMeIn, and this is the smiling face that greets me every time:

***www.sigh.com***

Could it My Sweet Meital? It sure looks like her to me. My friend, Aaron, doesn’t think so, but I told him how this girl I worked with at The Dive restaurant in L.A. was also on the cover of a mathematics software box at Best Buy. He started to see the similarities after that. Further examination: