Toys

Worth 1002 Words… Star Wars Tirade Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Klaatu, Brutus?

(SIDENOTE: It makes a lot of sense to give the proper name to the character formerly known as Klaatu, because Kenner did the same with many other toys, like Ponda Baba (Walrus Man), Momaw Nadon (Hammerhead), or Saelt-Marae (Yak Face).  You know, because he’s a Klaatu and his name his Wooof…

…wait, what’s that?

His people are actually called Kadas’sa’Nikto, so his name could be (and once was) Klaatu, but they’ve finally opted to go with Wooof because, well, just because of this quote via Wookieepedia:

The Green Nikto seen in Jabba’s palace was called Klaatu, though Wooof was one of the production names used for this character. ―Leland Chee (whoever he is)

So there’s no reason for the ridiculous change.  And that’s it for my nerdy tirade.  As the famous line from The Day the Earth Stood Still goes:

Klaatu barada nikto…

…end SIDENOTE)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty And A Hibbidy-Wah?! WTF Is Hulk Hogan Doing?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t mean to go and spoil the below video, but spoil you I must:

Hulk's showing off his real American.

What in the flying fuck is this not only doing in a promo for a stupid looking video game, but why in the flying suplex is Hulk Hogan pulling out his thumb wrestler in front of his daughter Brooke?!  Whether it’s real or not, it’s really dumb for real.

This could have also been filed under from The Shit To Just Shitty… behold:

  • The Shit
  • Just Shitty



Hibbidy-Wah?! Teledildonics

Posted on by sgottahurt

Yeah.  I don’t know how I feel about this.

So it turns that Google has been developing cars that drive themselves.  This comes out less than two years since one of their mapping vans hit a baby deer (and documented it).

All this when we haven’t even perfected teledildonics yet.

For those that don’t know what teledildonics is (I just found out myself), allow me to present you with a sample:

 

Coming soon to the Wii. Heh.

 

If you haven’t put two and two twogether yet, I’ll let Wikipedia spell it out for you:

Teledildonics (also known as “cyberdildonics”) are electronic sex toys that can be controlled by a computer.

Even the above Wiimotes can be accessed and used by a computer.

If you don’t think that’s Hibbidy-Wah?! enough for you, then there’s always this:

Worth 1002 Words… Ridiculous Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

 

Fu Boychu

Some alternates:

  • Handlebar Must-Not
  • Pre Goateen
  • Hairy Graffiti
  • Dumball Machine
  • Dana Carvey

 

In My Brain While Sleeping… Belligerent Smurfs

Posted on by sgottahurt

Wino Smurf, er, Champagno Smurf?

This one’s a quick one.  My friends and I were at a concert.  We were drinking a craaaazy amount.  Oh.  And we were all Smurfs.  We were in cartoon form, but we existed in the real world, à la Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Or the upcoming Smurfs movie.  But cel animated.  Not CGI*.  Thank you.

Barfly Smurf

*yes, you better Smurfing believe this is happening…

(SIDENOTE: But then again, CGI could look like cel animation.  Take a gander at this Roger Rabbit 2 screen test.  He’s 100% computer generated.)

JusWondering… Why Do I Look So Angry?

Posted on by sgottahurt

…especially while playing Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters at Disneyland?

Reasons why I’m JusWondering:

  • I did get the highest score in my family.

258,000 points vs. 48,000 points vs. 10,000 points…

  • I was on a children’s ride.
  • I was playing a game.
  • Perhaps…

…perhaps it was because I was riding solo.

  • (I think it was because I was concentrating on my HIGH SCORE OF 258,000 POINTS!)

(SIDE QUESTION: Why do I look so happy in this picture?) Read More

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Vinylmation, Meet Kidrobot

Posted on by sgottahurt

While in Caleeforneeuh (that was my Governator impersonation), of course I had to visit the Disneyland and Caleeforneeuh Adventure Theme Parks.

While there, we happened upon a new Disney merchandising gimmick entitled… Vinylmation.

A taste:

Not to be confused with the Divinyls and "touching one's self"...

I should clarify this… it was I that was unfamiliar with the products.  My mother had already known about them and happened to purchase two earlier this year.  They were the display image on her phone, and I had no idea what they were until finding these at the park.  Mystery solved.

(SIDENOTE: It should also be known that my entire family is very Disney-fied. So much to the point that my brother knows – and swears by this fact – that the best gummy candies in the world are found in Disney theme parks.  He feels the same about their chocolate-covered pretzels, too.)

(SIDENOTE ADDENDUM: I’d have to agree about the gummy candy.  My brother thinks it’s because they use sugar from beets.)

Anyzip-a-dee-doo-dah, upon spying these Vinylmations, I immediately thought of these:

These are Ye Olde English Dunnies (I don't know if I should have pluralized it).

Kidrobot makes (or distributes) these painted vinyl rabbits, each called a Dunny (like I said, I don’t know if I can pluralize it).

Did The House of The Mouse rip it off?

Is it a Coinkydink or a Coinkydonk?

No, I really want to know.

Actually, I probably don’t care.

BONUS RIPOFF!

The only reason I know about Kidrobot is because of these:

Yes. These were sold by Taco Bell.

The conspiracy about the BellHedz can be read here.  Or you can read what (little) I had to say about them here.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Virtual Boy 3D

Posted on by sgottahurt

‘Memba Nintendo VirtualBoy?

It virtually sucked. Or was this a time I could have used the word, literally?

Well, I had a dream in which there was a new game system in town – the VirtualBoy 3D!

It looked like the equipment above, except the controller was wireless, and the hard ware broke into two pieces in order to do this:

Talk about "table tennis"...

In case you don’t know what this is, and the above image falls into my category of (Not So) Artistic Representations, each half  projected the image that created the 3D game play… pretty neat, eh?

What could be even better than that?  How about the video game I dreamed about another day…

It was a game in which the major baddies throughout history are gathered by an evil time traveler, and your character is picked up by another guy from the future that’s already built a team composed of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt.  I was planning on making a cover for the game, which was entitled Past President Future, but the above image took too long, and now I’m bored.

…I wish I would have made the game cover first…

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Fantasy Football Is Pokémon Is Fantasy Football

Posted on by sgottahurt

I choose you, Pikacheerleader!

I’ve gotten into way too many arguments about this lately, so I decided to end the battle here once and all.

I say:

FANTASY FOOTBALL IS NO DIFFERENT THAN POKÉMON.

My friends say:

But it is different!  There’s gambling involved!

Well, kids use to gamble their pogs, but that doesn’t make pogs fantasy football.   So allow me to further illustrate the Coinkydinks (or Coinkydonks)…

  • Each competitor chooses their combatants.

Whether it’s Squirtle or Tom Brady, I see no difference here.

  • Each combatant falls into different categories.

Using the two examples from above, you need water-types and quarterbacks, fire-types and tight ends, electric-types and wide receivers… you see where I’m going here.

  • Each competitor sets up their combatants based upon statistics to battle other competitors.

‘Nuff said.

  • Some combatants are ranked higher than others, and competitors go to great lengths to get them.

Chris Johnson was the #1 draft pick in fantasy football this year; when I used to play Pokémon, MewTwo was the bee’s knees.

  • Plus, how much of a difference is there between these:

And these:

  • Oh, yeah… and then there’s that whole fantasy aspect…

(I didn’t know enough about Dungeons & Dragons to make that comparison, but this guy did.)

The Sh– To Just Sh–ty… Avatar Re-Release

Posted on by sgottahurt

Just as a reminder about how uninspiring and unoriginal (unobtainium, anyone?) James Cameron’s Avatar was, here’s a slightly different take on the recap:

The Shit

Pandora Radio

Navi from "The Legend of Zelda"

As a reminder:

As Ms. Swan might say, "He looka lika cat."

(SIDENOTE: Click here to understand Ms. Swan.)

Aang, the one, true Avatar

Now put it all together and you get:

Just Shitty

As uninspiring as the original...