(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… A Listing Of Lists

While Paul’s out of the office and off dreaming up new lists on vacation, I thought I would play catch up.  We’ve been too busy at work (and I’m not posting my boss’ lists while I’m playing at home), so since I have a slight chance to breathe today, here we go:

Top 5 Professional Sports Moments  [Ed. – Local anyway, and without further explanation]

1.) 1997 Red Wings Stanley Cup Champs

2.) 1997 Michigan Football NCAA Champs

3.) 1989 Michigan Basketball NCAA Champs

4.) 1984 Detroit Tigers World Series Champs

5.) 2008 Detroit Lions fire Matt Millen

[Ed. – Oh yeah.  Guess where Paul went to college…]

Top Five 80’s Cartoon Theme Songs [Ed. – With explanations and video!]

1.) G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero – “He’ll fight for freedom wherever there’s trouble…” (This should replace the Star Spangled Banner.)

2.) Transformers – “More than meets the eye…”  (Song seemed to be ahead of it’s time.)

3.) The Wuzzles – “Two types of fun, wrapped up and rolled… into one!” (What could be better?)

4.) M.A.S.K. – “Masked crusaders, working overtime, fighting crime.” (Song passes the time test.) [Ed. – I had to twist his arm to get this included – it’s my favorite.]

5.) Silverhawks – “Partly metal, partly real.” (Very underated show.  Plus, it has a sweet guitar solo.)

 
Top Five Stores That No Longer Exist (Now in Reverse Order) [Ed. – My favorite list so far.]

5.) The Old Ballpark – Every baseball card collector’s favorite store located in Livonia. If you wanted mint rookie cards of Alan Trammell or Lou Whitaker, this place had ’em.

4.) Great Scott, A&P, Farmer Jack (all lumped in together) – I do have the fondest memories of Great Scott, as it was our old school place to buy groceries.  [Ed. – “Old school,” as in O.G. boyee!]

3.) Highland Appliance “50 watts per channel babycake!” Oh, the memories of buying our first 27″ color tv and our first camcorder, which was VHS-C.

2.) Babbage’s (honorable mention goes to Egghead Software) – I remember browsing the shelves of hundreds of games for my 286 PC at Fairlane Mall.

1.) Children’s Palace – Heaven on Earth to all of us kids who grew up in the 80’s. Enough said. [Ed. – Also, my first job.]

InASense, Lost… Herpes On The Rise Due To Game?

I don’t want to be naive , but apparently cold sores – not better known as lip herpes, and definitely not known as liperpes (though it should be) – is spreading like wild fire amongst college students.  The culprit blamed for the spreading: beer pong.

From Asylum:

But beer pong could be nearly as dangerous as unprotected sex in terms of spreading diseases, according to a recent article in the University of Massachusetts’ student newspaper — which links the rise of herpes on campus to the popularity of beer pong. Because the game involves multiple people drinking from the same cups, the herpes virus — which can be transmitted via saliva — can be spread to everyone who is playing through the course of a game. The virus is up 230 percent since 2007 in people between ages 17 and 21.

And here I foolishly thought it was because college students are generally sluts (and I’m talking about both genders when I say that).

This got me thinking about what other STD’s might not be ST’d (sexually transmitted), and in fact may be BP’d (beer ponged).

  • Gonorrhea – From clapping near someone else who is clapping.  This is why it’s also known as the Clap.
  • Chlamydia–  From getting sodas out dispensers outside of Walmart stores.
  • Genital Warts – From playing with toads before using the restroom.  The same applies to Crabs.  Not to be confused with Gentile Warts, common amongst Christians.
  • Syphilis – Was created by Alexander Fleming in order to sell his new discovery, penicillin.  Transmitted via playing catch with Frisbees, and sometimes Nerf Boomerangs.

A pubic public service announcement from the 80’s:

In My Brain While Sleeping… Housecleaning Pucks And Hamburger Docs

I had to verify what my subconscious created in this doozy of a dream, because in another one, my subconscious got it completely all wrong.  It works in the second dream because it makes it kinda funny.  But the fact that I knew a certain fact in the first one so matter-of-, um, -factly kinda impresses me (humility is soooo overrated).

DREAM SCENARIO ONE

I was playing hockey.  It wasn’t a professional game, but professionals were there.  (This entire dream happened out of guilt for skipping pick-up hockey last night.  In my defense, two friends were not going… I just hope they had enough people… curse you guilt!)  Anyhattrick, one of the pros approached me at the end and said, “I heard your house could use a good spring cleaning.”  I told him, “Yeah, it could,” and then wondered who he’d been talking to.  That’s when he dropped this deal, “I’d do it.  For five bucks.”  How could I resist?  So I handed him five bucks and made arrangements, not even thinking he could be scamming me for five bucks.  And he showed up!  To clean!  The player in question:

"Pretend the puck is dust, and the stick is a broom... that's how I'm gonna sweep, eh."

"Pretend the puck is dust, and the stick is a broom... that's how I'm gonna sweep, eh."

Martin Brodeur, goalkeeper for the New Jersey Devils.  I didn’t know I knew him, or his position, or that he was Canadian, yet my subconscious did (I’m not 100% on whether I knew he was a Devil, but I want to say he was wearing their color scheme).  In double-checking my brain, some tidbits I learned about him:

  • He’s played for the New Jersey Devils his entire NHL career. (I like franchise guys, and the NHL is full of them.)
  • He’s three shutouts short of breaking Detroit Red Wing Terry Sawchuck’s record of 103 games. (FYI – Sawchuck’s mask was the basis for Jason’s mask in Friday the 13th.)
  • He holds the second place record (behind Patrick Roy) for the most wins, which he’ll inevitably pass provided he stays healthy.
  • He holds the record for the most wins in a regular season (48, in 2006-7).
  • He’s the only NHL goalie to score a game winning goal.

There are many more.  And I might have to add that I could be a fan now.  What?  Don’t look at me like that.  I’m not saying I like him better than my beloved Red Wings… well, maybe Chris Osgood if he doesn’t start picking up.

DREAM SCENARIO TWO

I was eating at a McDonald’s (like I often do?) when a commotion started at the register.  The friends with me initially ignored it, but when the buzz of excitement started spreading, people were rushing to the front counter.  I overheard a girl say, “The stars of Top Gun are here doing a promotion!”  So the group I was with got mixed up in the glee and followed.  I distinctly remember not even thinking Tom Cruise would be there.  I knew it would be Iceman (Val Kilmer) and Goose (Anthony Edwards).  Turned out the rumors were wrong.  Instead of getting this duo:

I could have cropped out the beer, but I enjoyed the beer being there. Existentialism for today.

I could have cropped out the beer, but I enjoyed the beer being there. Existentialism for today.

I got this duo:

Dr. Ross and Dr. Green inda house! (But not on "House.")

Dr. Ross and Dr. Green inda house! (But not on "House.")

 Except they looked like this:

Uh... yeah...

Uh... yeah...

 Of course, everyone was excited to see George Clooney, and under normal circumstances I would have been, too.  But Anthony Edwards?  How often is he out in public?  This was my chance to pitch a script in which he would have the starring role.  The script entitled “Continuum” was based on a dream I once had that featured Anthony Edwards (how meta).  I told it to him while Clooney took orders from dining room patrons, but I figured he was listening to our conversation and would possibly produce/direct the film.  The only catch – the script wasn’t written.  Edwards would be in town for two more days, so I’d have to write it in that time.  That’s when Clooney chimed in, “It could be the greatest script of all time… or the crappiest.”  (I knew he was eavesdropping!)

And that was that.  To sum up: Martin Brodeur cleaned my house for five bucks, and I had two days to write a script for Anthony Edwards to star in.  I have no idea what any of that means.

Happy Find… Game Time With Dave And Greg (SNL Skit)

This past Saturday’s episode of Saturday Night Live (which aired on Saturday… I can’t stop typing Saturday!) was hosted by the charismatic Dwayne Johnson, formerly the Scorpion Stone… or something like that.  I thought this was probably the funniest skit of the night – for what it’s worth.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

 

Giving Blood And Having A Blast! (Or A Least A Cookie)

I had a mini-adventure of sorts last week when I donated blood.  Actually, it was boring as usual – I had to turn it into an adventure of sorts.

Upon arrival, I was greeted by a man in a wheelchair with his assistant, a Golden Retriever.  I’m all for volunteers of all kinds and equal opportunity, but should a dog be where I’m about to give blood?

They make you read these pamphlets before you can sign in.  I had just sa down when I stood with a question.  The gentleman behind the counter asked if I had finished, when it was impossible for me to have read anything.  Does this mean no one reads the pamphlet except me?

I arrived at the right time between rushes and was sent to the verification room (I guess that’s what it’s called).  On the survey, they ask if you’ve been outside the country.  Last August, I visited Europe.  The nurse/tech asked where I had been.  I answered England, France, and Belgium.  She asked if there was anyplace else.  I told her no.  I had been to Amsterdam, and though I was a “good boy” while there, I didn’t want to raise any flags on my donation when I know it can be used.  They check it anyway, don’t they?

When I arrived at the bench I would be resting for awhile, I overheard two of the nurse/techs talking about the clock which ran in military time.

Lady One: I can’t ever figure out the time when it’s like that.

Lady Two: Just remember that 13:00 is 1:00pm and count up from that.

These are the people about to stick a needle in me?

Speaking of needles stuck in me, as I was bleeding, I noticed a bubble near the top of the tube sticking out of my arm.  Hello?  Should an air pocket be that close to my vein?  Can’t I die if it decides to move against the current like a salmon, and entire my body?

Guys will do anything to get laid.

Guys will do anything to get laid.

Two things made me laugh while I stared out the window and bled. 

1) There was a product by AeroMed called Magnum Plus.   I thought they were latex gloves (turns out they’re nitrile), and therefore chuckle worthy. 

Um... I think I'm not going to touch this one.
Um… I think I’m not going to touch this one.

 2) They had St. Patrick’s Day decorations everywhere.  The Red Cross takes after my own heart!  (Literally!)

Afterward, I was pleased as punch that they had Chips Ahoy! cookies for me to snack on.  The volunteer stocking the tables joined me and we discussed the 73 year old guy who played college basketball.  She gave me another sticker to go along with the nametag the front counter guy gave me.

My blood type is B-negative, and my outlook on life might be negative, but for some weird reason that day – I had fun!

I wanna be like Ken Mink!

I wanna be like Ken Mink!

(SIDENOTE: Immediately prior donating my blood, I tried out for the role of the Wizard in a local theater version of “The Wizard of Oz.”  Stay tuned, as I may write more on that later.)

Musical Musings… Happy Birthday “Voices That Care!”

Remember this?

Well, actually yesterday was the 18th birthday of the song Voices That Care, and it is quite the time capsule.  Made originally to raise money for the Red Cross during Operation Desert Storm, it has now, well, let’s reflect on the highlights:

  • Gotta love the flag opening.  Reminds me of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crap.  Unfortunately.
  • Celine Dion was just a baby.  I wonder if her creepy-old-manager/husband-to-be was tapping that yet.  (Also, she has kind of that Amy Grant vibe going.  Much better than the future Vegas chest thumping.)
  • Peter Cetera!  Why isn’t he making music anymore?  Am I the only one that wonders where he went?  (Maybe he’s hanging out with Steve Perry.)
  • See Bobby Brown.  See Bobby Brown sing.  See Bobby Brown not get high and smack a ho.
  • Is that dude in the cowboy hat from Warrant?  Yes.  Yes, he is.
  • Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson’s singing voices mesh perfectly with Luther Vandross.  (Actually, all the sports stars have wonderful pipes.)
  • Who’s singing with Garth BrooksAmy Grant or Celine Dion?  Was hair really that big back then?
  • BONUS: More Warrant!  Nope.  It’s just Nelson.  Why is everyone wearing cowboy hats, yet Garth Brooks did not (a true rarity)?
  • Michael Bolton was pretty good in Office Space, doncha think?
  • Will Smith even got to rap.  That tickles my soul.  Isn’t it weird he got his start “rapping,” but now it seems weird to see him rap?
  • One good thing about the arrival of CGI – no more neon coloring on B&W footage (hopefully).
  • The Chorus.  You gotta love the Chorus.  I can’t even begin to dive into the Chorus.  All I have to say is this: Michelle Pfeiffer AND Jon Lovitz.  No?  Fred Savage AND Meryl Streep?  Not enough?  Gary Busey AND Chevy Chase?  Yes.  That awesome. 
  • Wait was Mike Tyson’s arm around Debbie Gibson?  (She was my first concert – at the Sea World in Orlando.)

In my research, I stumbled on this must-see Where Are They Now video.  Check it out.

Drunken Recollection… Politically Incorrect Answer

Last night at trivia, we blew it.  We blew it big time.  Out of a possible 73 points, we had 65 – and that’s a rarity (high 50’s are usual).  We could have actually scored higher if I would have went with my gut instincts of Applebee’s (“Where did Plaxico Burress say he shot himself?”) and goat (“From what animal does cashmere wool come from?”), as opposed to Denny’s and sheep.

But the last question… it’s all political correctness’ fault.

Prior to President Barack Obama, who was the last African-American to be recognized as Time Magazine’s Man Person of the Year?

Person of the Year? As opposed to alien?

Person of the Year? As opposed to alien?

nelsonmandelaidi_aminWe put: Nelson Mandela

We even thoughtIdi Amin.

We didn’t think of this guy, because we didn’t go back in time that far:

mlktime

But in reality, African-American has become so synonymous with Black in this country, we didn’t even consider the American part.

Oh well.  We didn’t win even though we were in first place before the final question (you wager your points à la Final Jeopardy).  But I did steal a cool NFL glass from the bar.  It had all the team logos covering it.  Suckas!*

*KARMA SIDENOTE: When I was dropped off at home, I realized my wallet was missing.  I figured I had left it at the bar.  Since I planned on taking the glass pretty early in my drinking, I focused mostly on that task, and found it fitting I abandoned my Billabong billfold at the scene of the crime.  Turns out I dropped it in my friend’s car.  But for a second, I learned my lesson.

Happy Find… I’m Ready For My St. Patrick’s Day Extravaganza

Oh glorious day!

Last night, between my basketball game and my soccer game (minimal blisters this time in case anyone worried), I stopped at a local bar chain called Bailey’s.  I arrived at 10:30pm and ordered myself a Guinness (the best beer to drink before playing soccer in case anyone wondered).

I found out that starting at 11pm, there was to be special pricing on the heavy brew (I pretend it’s a melted malt shake).  I also found out if you stood up and read a toast, you would get a long sleeve Guinness shirt, and this:

guinness-hat

Unfortunately, I was to be leaving at 11pm to for football, so my buddy, Rodney, opted to do to give the toast on behalf of me.

Little did he know, he would be the only one to volunteer and actually do it.  (Another guy stood up to join him, but said little to nothing.)  He had to get the entire bar’s attention and read the pre-written cheer.

When we returned, he gave me both the shirt and hat, and for that I’m eternally (or least until St. Patrick’s Day) grateful.

A toast to Rodney!  Sláinte!

JusWondering… Did Walmart See This Coming?

The Superbowl game just started and I saw a commercial against steroid use that uses the slogan, Don’t Be an Asterisk.

Too bad Walmart is in the process of changing their logo to this:

Ha ha, steroid user!

Ha ha, steroid user!

Drunken Recollection… Bombs, Bugs, And Blisters

There are things you’re taught, and there are things you learn.  There are things you know, and things you choose not to remember.  Sometimes these things come up at the bar.

Here are examples are each:

1) Things you’re taught.  I was unaware of the existence of cornmeal bombs, and then one day I was taught not only their purpose, but how they work.  Thanks CSI!

2) Things you learn. One of my buddies (Derek) works as a scientist (he says he’s not but by all intents and purposes, I say he is – just like how I refer to my engineering friends as inventors).  What his job entails is creating bugs that will get rid of these guys:

emeraldashborer

How much wood can a woodborer bore if a... wait, it can. So all of it.

What I think is cool (which is highly subject, considering I think it’s cool to be considered a scientist), is that I had no idea he did this now.  The last I heard he was categorizing lake muck, no he’s scientist-ing with insects!  Also, I had seen signs all around Michigan for years saying not to transplant wood because of the Emerald Ash Borer pictured above, but I had no idea that it looked… like… that.  Not to sound stereotypical, but it comes from Asia, and it looks like something that would come from Asia (is that stereotypical sounding?), in that I mean it looks foreign, and regal, and traditional (nice recovery).  Anywood, since it’s winter, Derek cuts down trees to put them in heat chambers that fool the little dormant buggers into thinking it’s spring, then he unleashes his (team’s) creations on them!  Awesome!

3) Things you know.  I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and I know I don’t have the right shoes for it, so I know that I’m going to get a blister or two from speeding running jogging up and down the court.

4) Things you choose not to remember.  I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and the chance came up to play last night.  I had a soccer game that started late, so I knew I could squeeze in a couple hours of hoops.  Then I’d have no problem playing soccer right after…

[INSERT GENERIC IMAGE OF BLISTER ON FOOT, PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION BECAUSE I’M SUCH A NICE GUY THAT’S NOT GOING TO PUT UP ANY PICTURES LIKE THIS]