Music

Musical Musings… The Quest For Mambo Number 6

Posted on by sgottahurt

Back in the last century, a song arrived on the scene that captivated audiences for like, weeks.  That song: Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5.  Here’s the backstory about how it entered my life…

I was backpacking through Europe with one of my sisters, and I met up with my other sister in Italy.  She told me above this crazy song she kept hearing everywhere, and I didn’t encounter it until arriving in Amsterdam.  As a joke, I bought the single to give to her upon returning home, but little did I know that while we were travelling, our place of employment (Circuit Shitty) started playing Mambo No. 5 on the in-house TV network.  Joke ruined.

Exciting, I know.  It’s taken me many, many years, but I might have found the predecessor to Bega’s catchy minor hit, but I’m not sure which one lives up to it more.  The options:

  • Michael Franti and Spearhead may have saved the day by stopping by to Say Hey.
  • Or maybe Pitbull (seriously, that’s his name) got a bite on the competition, and pooped out the earworm I Know You Want Me.

As refreshers, here You(Tube) go:

Mambo Number 5

Say Hey

I Know You Want Me

As I learned somewhere a long time ago, if you can’t figure something out, just make a chart.  Was it a friend?  A parent?  Or a math teacher?  We’ll never know.

mambograph

Solved!!!!1!

 

Awful Battle… Awesome Cartoons Of Questionable Content

Posted on by sgottahurt

Cartoons, just like toys, aren’t only for kids anymore.  We might be able to think the Japanese for that, but it might also be this current generation of man-children at fault.

The following videos are proof of that (only one Japanese one in the bunch… try and guess which one).  Why else would there be:

  • a woman licking a horse and being offended by its erection
  • Jesus turning water into whiskey at a rave and space monkey angels
  • a gaggle of panties flying in the V-formation (not sure if it’s meant to be ironic)
  • selfish children getting devoured by cockroaches

Despite all being well-done, they burnt my brain.  Which is the worst?

AWFUL BATTLE… GO!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Musical Musings… Out With The Olds, In With The News (Not Huey Lewis)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Paramore is No Doubt's replacement, no doubt

Paramore is No Doubt's replacement, no doubt

Time flies when you’re having fun.  It also flies when you break from the group that shot you to super-stardom, you start your own clothing line, and you knock out a couple kids with another bands’ former lead singer.

I’m looking at you Gwen Stefani, and you’ve been replaced by Hayley Williams.  You had the bindi; she has the orange hair.

But that’s not what this post is all about.  It’s about the cycles of the music industry.  Somebody always replaces somebody else.  I’m sure you get what I’m saying, but let me reiterate with examples from my own life.

1) Billy Joel & Rob Thomas

billyjoel-robthomas

Both are talented musicians that crank out the hits.  Although Thomas used to be with Matchbox Twenty, who else would I say?  John Mayer?  Not even close to the Piano Man.

2) Huey Lewis and The News & Weezer

hueylewis-weezer

Huey infiltrated the 80’s pop scene with a 50’s-inspired sound.  Rinse and repeat in the 90’s.

3) Debbie Gibson & Regina Spektor

debbiegibson-reginaspektor

Both pianists.  Both song writers.  Both crushes of mine.

4) Green Day & Say Anything

greenday-sayanything

Angsty punk rockers with catchy melodies.

5) The Offspring & Rise Against

offspring-riseagainst

Poignant punk rockers with hard-hitting melodies.

6) Rancid & Kings of Leon

rancid-kingsofleon

Unintelligible punk rockers with unique melodies.

7) I’m still trying to figure out my replacement for this guy:

He got that six-string at the five-and-dime.

He got that six-string at the five-and-dime.

Drunken Recollection… So Many Questions, So Many Beers

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here are some drunk items that popped up and required follow up (mostly because either my iPhone’s battery was dead, or I was too sauced to check at that moment).  But it further proves my point.  Well, maybe not my point as much as my slogan – “I’m Thinking Meets Drinking.”

Q: Have I ever heard of the song In The Year 2525 by Zager and Evans?

A: No.  Well maybe.  But I like this video somebody put together:

Q: Have I ever heard of Saturday Night Live alum, Charles Rocket?

He's a real person? I thought was a robotic character, perhaps.

He's a real person? I thought was a robotic character, perhaps.

A: No.  Well maybe.  He’s familiar looking for sure:

In further research (wassup Wiki?!), I uncovered these additional tidbits:

  • He was touted as a cross between Bill Murray and Chevy Chase during the 80-81 season of SNL.
  • He uttered the word “fuck” at the end of a show, and ceremoniously got canned with the bulk of the cast and crew (save Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy).
  • He committed suicide… by slicing his own throat.

Q: Have I ever heard of author David Foster Wallace?

A: You mean the man behind Infinite Jest, which Time magazine included in their 100 greatest English-language novels since 1923?  You mean the man behind Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, which John Krasinski of The Office adapted into a film?  No.  Not at all.  I just learned all this. 

Also learned: he killed himself.  (Wassup withat?!)

Q: Have you heard the original version of Unchained Melody by Al Hibbler?

A: I have now.  But FYI – it technically wasn’t the original.  But it did pre-date Ghost’s theme song the Righteous Brothers version.

Q: Who was I hanging out with that asked me so many questions?!

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? The Proactiv Curse

Posted on by sgottahurt

This post was originally going to be about my investigation into the ripping off of Bruce Hornsby (and the Range)’s Mandolin Rain (or is it Tupac’s Changes?) in Proactiv Acne Solutions’ commercials, but then I stumbled onto a greater conspiracy.

What do these young ladies’ have in common?

LiLo, KelCla, JeLoHew

LiLo, KelCla, JeLoHew

They had stellar careers, booming out of nowhere, sky’s-the-limit…

Then they did Proactiv commercials.

How have they fared since?

LayLow - Kelly Clark Bar - Mrs. Jaime Kennedy?!

LayLow - Kelly Clark Bar - Mrs. Jamie Kennedy?!

(SIDENOTE: You may have noticed Jessica Simpson was also in their commercials, but did she really ever have a career?)

My biggest concern of late is this cutie:

Julianne Hough of "Dancing With My Heart"

Julianne Hough of "Dancing With My Heart"

She’s been in Proactiv commercials, and although she’s well-known (?) amongst Dancing with the Stars, country music, and Juicy Fruit fans, I hope to see more from her in the entertainment world.

Ultimately, this comes down to whether or not I’m reading into this (Coinkydink) or I’m onto something (Coinkydonk).

Your drunk thoughts Diddy?

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Subtle Christian-Approved 80’s Songs

Posted on by sgottahurt

Holy crap!  We’ve been busy at work, so my boss/friend Paul has been unable to make a new list, despite my pestering and bugging.  So in honor of the “Holy Crapness” of this event, allow me to present:

Top 5 Subtle Christian-Approved Songs of the 80’s

5) Maneater – Hall & Oates
Sample Line: “Watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!”
Christian-Approved Message: You couldn’t get anymore anti-oral sex than this song.  Missionary only, please.  (After marriage, of course…)

4) Keep Your Hands to Yourself – The Georgia Satellites
Sample Line: “No huggin’, no kissin’, until you make me your wife.”
Christian-Approved Message: This song should appeal to the abstinence-only crowd (hello, Jonas Brothers), as well as explain the shotgun weddings found often in the South (hello, Miley Cyrus).

3) We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart
Sample Line: (see title)
Christian-Approved Message: Another abstinence-only song.  Girls are throwing themselves at him, and he is telling them, “No thanks, let’s just dance and drink some cherry wine.”  He’s either very religious, or very gay… or both.  (There might be openings at the monastery.)

2) Papa Don’t Preach – Madonna
Sample Line: “I’m gonna keep my baby… mmm…”
Christian-Approved Message: While the fact that Madonna is singing about getting knocked up out of wedlock might not sit well with the religious right, the fact that she is going to keep my her baby and get married to the boyfriend has to appeal to the pro-life movement.  (And the messages of songs #3 and #4…)

1) You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
Sample Line: “Yeah you… shook me… all… night… long.”
Christian-Approved Message: Unbeknowest to most people, this song is actually about a female demon that is exorcised.  (Or is it exercised?)

Who I always "Maneater" was about...

Whom I always thought "Maneater" was about...

Musical Musings… Kamikaze Karaoke (Buzzkill Songs)

Posted on by sgottahurt

"Bye bye, Miss American Pie..."

"Bye bye, Miss American Pie..."

Ever want to bring a fun night of karaoke to a stand-still?  Here are some suggestions to do exactly that (in no particular order):

Name – Goo Goo Dolls

Rumored to be about singer/songwriter Johnny Rzeznik’s childhood.  Both of his parents died when he was young, and he’s singing the song to his sisters that raised him.
BONUS DOWNER: His father was an alcoholic.  And just remember where you’re at when singing this.

The Freshmen – The Verve Pipe

Singer/songwriter Brian Vander Ark wrote this song that covers these incidents: a cancelled wedding, an abortion, and a suicide.  Only one really happened (see the next song for a hint).
BONUS RUMOR: My brother went to Western Michigan University, where this band also hailed.  Story goes they were kicked out of WMU because one of the band members raped a girl.  Party time.

Brick – Ben Folds Five

Band front man (duh) Ben Folds’ girlfriend has an abortion, and this melodic mood killer (bad choice of words?) tries to express how he felt… and succeeds.
BONUS SALT IN THE WOUND: The procedure takes place the day after Christmas.
BONUS HOT PEPPER SAUCE IN THE WOUND: They were still in high school.

Lightning Crashes – Live

Lead singer Ed Kowalczyk dedicated this song to a friend that was killed by a drunk driver.  The drunk driver was fleeing from police after committing a robbery.  The friend – she was only 19.
BONUS SILVER LINING: She donated her organs and saved the lives of others, including a 10-month-old baby.  That’s what the song is really about.  But still… bummer.

Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton

Anyone that doesn’t know the story behind this song is lucky.  Well consider yourself lucky no more.  It’s about how Eric Clapton felt after his 4-year-old son, Conor, fell out of a window — on the 53rd floor of an NYC apartment building.
BONUS “REALLY?!” He hasn’t performed this song since 2004.  His reason:

I didn’t feel the loss anymore, which is so much a part of performing those songs. I really have to connect with he feelings that were there when I wrote them. They’re kind of gone and I really don’t want them to come back, particularly. My life is different now. They probably just need a rest and maybe I’ll introduce them for a much more detached point of view.

____________________________________________________________________________

This final bit contains the Unholy Trilogy which have actually caused me to leave a bar.  If you have to click any because either A) you don’t know it or B) you actually like it… I hate you.

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SIDENOTE: If you feel the need to reignite any karaoke night obliterated by any of the above performances, feel free to press the button below to save the night, despite what this list might claim:

Click Image In Emergencies

Click Image Only In Case Of Emergencies

Drunken Recollection… What I Can Remember About Camping This Summer

Posted on by sgottahurt

gijoesquirrel

Don't worry. This happened during squirrel season.

With summer finally over, it’s time for me to drunken recollect some of my camping highlights.  Outside of drinking, eating, being in the water, being on the pontoon, drinking, eating, sitting by the campfire, beach volleyball, drinking, eating, and peeing in the water, this is all I can remember:

1) A squirrel fell out of a tree.
It happened in front of a few of my family members as they were walking.  When they reached to check on the immobile rodent, it sprung back to consciousness and took off.

2) Some cyclist had this shirt on, as well as a bushy beard:

A Whopper of a beard, in fact...

A Whopper of a beard, in fact...

3) There was a plan to tie me to a chair if I passed out drunk.
It didn’t happen on the earlier summer trip, but it did happen.  At least the dumping me in the lake didn’t.

4) I pulled a boat via a rope in my teeth.
There is a picture out there I do not possess.  I do remember my jawline aching, though.

5) There was a strange song playing on the iPod we took out to the sandbar.
Turned out it was from the film, Music and Lyrics.  Here it is for your, um, pleasure?

6) In closing…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Musical Musings… Masterful Feline Musicians

Posted on by sgottahurt

I really wish I would have saved this picture:

Play him off, cat piano!

Can't wait for the Meow Re-Mix

Perviously used in this post, it goes along purrfectly with this edition of Musical Musings.  If you dove into this post willy-nilly without reading the above title, or if you have an aversion to reading large letters in bold typeface, allow me to introduce you to two of the most fascinating felines ever to grace the music scene (not counting Keyboard Cat or Josie and the Pussycats*, ‘natch). 

The Classical Approach:

The Modern Take (wait for the breakdown at the end):

The Interpretive (Canine) Dance:

*It’s a shame, but I forgot how cute Tara Reid actually was, and I really do miss Rachael Leigh Cook.  Wha’ happen to her? And look how young Rosario Dawson, um,  looks.  Eight years really makes a difference, I guess.  And that’s my deep thought for the day.

Happy Finds… When American Culture Pops Overseas

Posted on by sgottahurt

Well, I don’t know exactly what pop culture activity in America spurned this, but considering the hip hop, the sunglasses, and the kicking of burgers, we obviously inspired it:

BONUS: If you haven’t seen this yet, you must still be on dial-up and rabbit ears: