This was going to be Worth 1002 Words, but I forgot I had one waiting. You’ll see that tomorrow. Instead, I’m upset I can’t embed videos unless they’re of a certain kind on WordPress anymore. But like the title of the post says…
Air Robinson
(SIDENOTE: You see, because that’s Craig Robinson of Hot Tub Time Machine and The Office, and he’s dun— oh, never mind. Watch the video by clicking here. There are more stars than you can shake a stick at. What’s that, you say? You can shake a stick at seventeen stars? Well then there’s as many stars as you specifically can shake a stick at.)
I’ll admit it. I watch Cartoon Network. That’s where I catch all the latest Clone Wars episodes (not for much longer, though).
It’s also where I catch-up on the latest and greatest toy offerings. Of all the dumb things I’ve seen, I couldn’t believe that this (post from two years ago) has officially made its way here:
I can’t take it anymore. I’m beyond words. I may really have to begin holding this against people.
If you like the Twilight films, I think there is something wrong with you.
Of course, the latest film The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 is in theaters now, so the actors are making their rounds on the late night circuit.
These are two of the clips they show to sell it:
Dumb doesn’t even begin to explain the people who paid to see this – the fifth film – at the show.
As an exclamation point, here’s Robert Pattinson swinging Kristen Stewart like a purse at the bad guys:
I didn’t even listen to the song. My reaction was, “ewww,” and I touched that dial. Here’s the song if you’re interested:
But was my repulsed gut instinct on the mark? Are my sensibilities that warped that I took the gross song title and coincidentally horrible band name to an extreme context of double entendre?
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, I envy you. But to confirm or deny my impulse judgment, let’s look at the lyrics (I still refuse to listen to the tune):
‘Cause (and) here you come on your broom
Your mood ring’s turning brown
You will begin to feel it soon
You’re tossing your seeds around
I don’t find this particularly exciting, so I’m not sure why I’m writing about it. This probably has more to deal with the fact that I noticed the odd trend, and I want to share it with you. As you mill over the new logos of three companies, take notice of how similar their new fonts are. While you’re doing that, I think of a way to spice this blog entry up…
Okay… I’ve had moments to think. Howzabout we try this:
A HANDFUL OF… TERRIBLE BOARD GAMES FOR KIDS
Hot Dog in a Hallway – It’s similar to Hungry, Hungry Hippos, except you shoot Tic Tac-sized plastic hot dogs down a motorized hallway playset that has moving walls like in the movie Labyrinth. Whoever gets the most hot dogs down their hallway wins!
Last Call – It’s like the game of Life, except your goal is score someone’s number before the clock hits 2:00 am!
Happy Endings – It’s like Candyland, except you’re on the interstate freeway system, looking for illicit massage parlors. Don’t get stuck in the Lot Lizard pit!
Othello – It’s like Reversi, except you change the name because:
The name was selected as a reference to the Shakespearean play Othello, the Moor of Venice, referencing the conflict between the Moor Othello and Iago, who describes himself as “two-faced” and more controversially, to the unfolding drama between Othello, who is black, and Desdemona, who is white. The green color of the board is inspired by the image of the general Othello, valiantly leading his battle in a green field [or because jealousy is the green-eyed monster – Ed.]. It can also be likened to a jealousy competition (jealousy being the central theme in Shakespeare’s play), since players engulf the pieces of the opponent, thereby turning them to their possession (via Wikipedia)…
Well, that saves me the hassle of Photoshopping those games!
Video games and hula hoops might be considered childish things.
But what about a fake movie trailer based on a video game and a mesmerizing mellow dance routine using a hula hoop?
You’re not reading this anyway. You’re looking at the videos, right? I can say anything I want here, and I’m going to take full advantage of that. I sometimes daydream about getting lick-attacked by, like, a dozen puppies.
It’s been a while again, folks, and I’d like to present to you a few more occurrences of homagesliberal borrowings. If you are unfamiliar with my concept of liberal borrowing, click liberal borrowing (not this one, the previous one).
The first few I’m going to breeze through because they’re already older songs, and other people have thought the same or the artists acknowledge the similarity.
SOME NIGHTS BY fun. (do I really have to write it that way?) = CECELIA BY SIMON & GARFUNKEL
My friend swore up and down about this one, and being the defender of originality that I claim to be, I just didn’t really hear it… until this video:
He also thinks fun.’s We Are Young shares common ground with The Beatles’ Hey Jude. I told him to find me a sample; he’s still looking.
I WON’T GIVE UP BY JASON MRAZ = DELICATE BY DAMIEN RICE
When I first heard I Won’t Give Up, I wondered why I felt like I knew its melody but not the words (by the way, does Jason Mraz realize he looks like that now?):
WASHINGTON NATIONAL’S LOGO = WALGREEN’S LOGO
I’m late to this, but I only noticed because my Detroit Tigers made it as far as they did. Otherwise, I don’t watch National League games at all. But answer me this – notice anything? ‘Cuz Walgreen’s did.
As usual, what the fuck is wrong with my subconscious?
In this particular dream, I met Don Rickles and after hanging out for a few drinks, he let me in on a top-secret project he was working on. He told me that he and Garry Shandling had an upcoming talk show set to debut on FOX called “It’s Garry!”
It would take place in a boxing ring within a smoky environment, and there would be only two chairs facing each other, like Tom Snyder’s old Late Late Show. Rickles would man the pull-down boom mike and would act as the trainer; Garry would portray different personalities for each interview, with names like Harry, Jerry, and Barry.
I guess it might look something like this:
It’s been a while since I’ve edited me some photos…
I would totally watch this show, and not just because I invented it without trying…
(SIDENOTE: Here’s Garry in his original uncomfortable environs…)
Normally these are posts that would have taken place in the past if I had a blog, but this post is as much about now as it is about then.
Who hasn’t seen The Karate Kid, Part III? Well, my guess is probably a lot of you, taking into consideration you might think it’s an upcoming sequel to the Jaden Smith flick, and it’s being filmed simultaneously as The Karate Kid, Part II, just like how they did Back to the FutureThe Matrix Reloaded and RevolutionsThe Lord of the Rings Trilogy The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2.
Anyiamthemanwhowillfightforyourhonor, here’s the poster with its awesome slogan:
First it was teacher to student.
Then it was father to son.
Now it’s man to man.
Fuck yeah!
So a lot of the 1989 classic (that’s right… I said classic) centers around Mr. Miyagi’s bonsai tree shop wishes, and ever since then, I’ve sorta wanted one.
But I forgot that.
Until I got a pop-up ad reminding me.
But could I do it? Could I actually care for one?! They’re not the easiest (or cheapest) plants to raise. I don’t think I’m cut out for it (no pun intended). Or am I? Sorry, but this post has rattled free my insecurity about many life matters. I have to go now…
I don’t know where to begin with this post. Which one gets the coveted title of The Shit and which gets Just Shitty. I guess I’ll just GoJo with my gut since that’s where it’s all made…
THE SHIT (FIGURATIVELY LITERAL)
This is a real company’s website. I only found out about it by passing a truck bearing its logo on the freeway. I don’t care what they make. (I don’t know what they make.)
Butt they’re ad campaign is ASS… THE ORIGINAL, and I couldn’t ass-k for more (check it out here):
Mind, meet gutter. Ass, meet end of arm tooling.
THE SHIT (LITERALLY FIGURATIVE)
Is this product a bad idea? Or worse yet, is it a great idea?
The GoJo Hands Free seems like something out of the past. But in this case, the past is only like three years ago…
JUST SHITTY
Speaking of (more than three) years ago, aren’t these songs horribly dated? I didn’t like them then, so I definitely don’t like them now:
Sugar’s Helpless
Dinosaur Jr’s Feel the Pain
(SIDENOTE: Perhaps I don’t hate them as much as I thought if I chose to remember to write about how much I hate them. That’s tantamount to writing a letter to Santa Claus to tell him you don’t believe in him.)
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