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In My Brain While Sleeping… A Movie About Young Lesbians In Love And Kurt Russell And Goldie Hawn

Posted on May 2, 2009 by sgottahurt

Hawn-Russell is not a character from Star Wars, Pete! I told you so!

With a post title like that, you might start to wonder why my lead picture is Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Allow me to explain…

Last night, I had a dream about a movie starring these two entitled The Organization of L. What the title referred to, I can only assume, is some subconscious reference to The L Word, due to the story of the “movie.”

SIDENOTE: I was contemplating not posting this as not to give anyone any ideas, but then I realized, “Hey, I don’t have anything else to post today. Plus, I just thought of a funny way to end it.”

The “story” was this: Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn lived in neighboring brownstones in some major city. Goldie was a progressive-thinking mother. For example, she let her son – nay, encouraged him – to play with Barbie dolls as well as well as his G.I. Joe’s. Her college age daughter was a philosopher and a dreamer… and she has been dating Kurt’s college age daughter through most of the past school year.

Kurt, on the other hand (yet in a similar way), raised his daughter as major league sports enthusiast and a tomboy, having no other children since his wife passed away. They’re best friends, and he doesn’t want any boy to ever take her away.

Flash forward to summer break. Both daughters are back home for the summer, and one night, while Goldie’s daughter stays the night at Kurt’s house, Kurt’s daughter proposes.

Goldie’s delighted; Kurt’s confused. Hilarity, sentimentality, and maturity ensue!

I mean, it’s not like the subject of gay marriage is timely or anything? (Miss California’s scandalous topless pic here.)

A real boob (job)

And it’s not like anyone’s interested in the heartaches and heart warmings between two college-age lesbians, right?

All right Pete... I'll give you that. SamRo and LiLo sound like characters' names in Star Wars.

INGREDIENTS: Two glasses of organic milk, which after drinking, made me feel oddly drunk.

Worth 1002 Words… Photoshop Edition

Posted on May 1, 2009 by sgottahurt

Swine Flew

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… 80’s Toy Commercial Songs

Posted on April 30, 2009 by sgottahurt

It’s about that time for another list from my boss, and long time on-again, off-again friend, Paul. How do I know it’s time? Because he told me so.

Top 5 80’s Toy Commercial Songs (Non-TV Show)

5) Madballs – Freaky fun for everyone. I had one or two of these. [I had the mummy one. I also collected the comics. Why they had a comic is beyond me. Why I collected them is even farther out. – Ed.]

4) Toys R Us– Just like the song said… I didn’t want to grow up, either. Some people, like this blog’s owner, never have. [Damn skippy. – Ed.]

3) Skip It – A shoddy toy, but a cool song. [The counter on the ball is analog. Totally worth watching the vid simply for that. – Ed.]

2) Lego – Like Zack, we were all Lego Maniacs back in the 80’s. [Since I’ve never grown up, I’m still a Lego Maniac. – Ed.]

1) My Buddy – My brother, Bert, had one. Not sure what happened to it. Not a big fan of the toy, but the song is so catchy that I find myself singing it to my two year old son, Logan. I call him “my buddy.” Pause for the awwwws. [My eyes are still rolling which makes it tough to type. – Ed.]

Okay, for the real one, click here.

Worth 1002 Words… With Alternates

Posted on April 30, 2009 by sgottahurt

Ape Shit

Other captions:

Blog Evil
Donkey Vader
Brass Monkeys
Monkeyin’ Around (still in scrapbooking mode, I guess)
Anakin Around
Chimp’n Sith

Happy Find… Michael Jackson Auction Items

Posted on April 29, 2009 by sgottahurt

This bit of info is about as late as my mail usually is (curse you enemy couriers!), but Mr. Moonwalk himself, Michael Jackson, recently hosted an auction of his fabulous stuff in Beverly Hills.

Scratch that: he charged people $20 a (king of) pop to look at all his crazy shit, and then up and cancelled the auction. But not before Lindy West of Slog (or should I say, of The Stranger?) was able to get in and snap a few pics.

Some highlights (not the magazine for children, though I’m sure MJ had a subscription):

Who drew this? That kid my eighth grade class that always doodled Garfield, Q-Bert, and ALF? (In other words - me.)

Who drew this? That kid in grade school that always doodled Garfield, Q-Bert, and ALF? (In other words - me.)

Creepy doesn't begin to explain this thing.

Creepy doesn't even begin to explain this thing...

Creepy is definitely a good start here...

Click on the links above the photos for even more insanity.

(Thanks Veness)

JusWondering… Which Celeb Site Is The Worst?

Posted on April 28, 2009 by sgottahurt

I like blogging.
I like reading other people’s blogs.
Most of the blogs I read are about celebrities.
Therefore, celebrities do not need to have blogs.

But oh they do. I was searching around for some bad ones, and though I’m sure there are more, these were some of the highlights of what I found. Let me know what you think.

Goop by Gwyneth Paltrow

goop1

On the surface, it may seem understated, but inside, it’s pretentious goop all over the place. Like this dress up Gwyneth section, or talk about her travels with her dad, Bruce, that seem kinda creepy.

Kim Kardashian

kimkar

From one of the fakest women in the world comes one of the fakest blehgs in the world. Wanna see Kim look like she’s been visited by Madame Tussauds? Or if she was a Real Doll? Then her site’s full of pics like this:

kimkarwax

Melanie Griffith

melgrifmagicdoor

My vote for the winner is Melanie Griffith’s site. Not only does it seem abandoned, but it also includes the Magic Door, as seen above.

For the full experience, turn up your speakers and click here.

Coast-To-Coast Snug Job A No-Go

Posted on April 27, 2009 by sgottahurt

How’s that for a headline? Can’t you just hear the newsies singing screaming that one? As it turns out, two weekends ago I went to NYC for a Snuggie Pub Crawl (and also met a friend). This weekend, I went to Seattle to visit a friend… and almost went on a Snuggie Pub Crawl!

"Pub Crawl or Bust!" - soon to be printed on the front of my Snuggie

Alas, my travelling compadres on this latest sojourn weren’t too keen on picking up some “Slankets” (as they were referred to on last week’s 30 Rock), and we opted for traditional bar hopping, which was just as well. Albeit Seattle was a tad cooler than New York the week prior (making “blankets with sleeves” more comfy), which is ironic, because NYC is simply ‘cooler.’ No offense, Seattle, but no other city can compete.

SIDENOTE: Whenever I use the word ironic, I’m always afraid I’ll pull an Alanis. Am I alone in regard to this ‘worry?’

BONUS SIDENOTE: I’d say the biggest difference between the East and West Coasts (or at least New York and Seattle) is what follows the prefix hip-… Do you prefer –sters or –pies?

Anywashington, the trip was a great time. To conserve my energy, which is a euphemism for I’m feeling lazy today, here are some pics I took with explanatory captions.

View from West Seattle… BTW, seagulls are huge there. Trust me. Huge.

Rodney really, really wanted to find Bungie’s HQ. Bungie made Halo for the XBOX. This was not Bungie, but Google said it was. Bungie allegedly ‘paid’ Google to say that.

This is another place we found saying it was Bungie HQ.

Judging by this security guard, it must be Bungie… Glad he doesn’t work Saturdays!

Don’t crash! AKA We’re there! (Why do I feel like I’m scrapbooking?)

Has there ever been an action movie that took place in Seattle? “Get out of my way! He stole my flux, uh, matrix!” (Seriously, is this tantamount to scrapbooking?)

Outside first Starbucks… The mermaid has bubbies… hee hee…

Public Market shot, not circa 1986. Just lotsa jalopies.

Another Public Market shot, as if you couldn’t tell. FYI, there’s lotsa sports cars, too.

Just decided that I am scrapbooking. Next time, I won’t be so lazy.

Attempted Arty Pic My Sister Won’t Appreciate #1 (Inside First Starbucks)

AAPMSWA #3: It’s a fuzzy shot of Seattle Underground… crap. Thankfully, I’m done scrapping. That’s what us ‘scrappers’ call it for short.

Not Lions Down On The Job

Posted on April 26, 2009 by sgottahurt

Upon returning home to Detroit, I was happy to hear about some new developments. Seeing them was something else entirely different.

1) The Detroit Free Press won the Pulitzer Prize for (essentially) bringing down mayor Kwame Kilpatrick with their reports on his scandalous sex text messages. Kudos to them!

In case you’re unaware, don’t remember, or are one of the Octomom’s newborns, here’s an early report:

2) And since I usually have little (nice) to say about the Detroit Lions except in rare cases of giving out recognition or simply to make suggestions, they have a new logo:

Here are some other options they missed out on. The last one’s my personal favorite.

Happy Find… House Vs. House… U.S. Vs. Japan… Guess Who Wins?

Posted on April 25, 2009 by sgottahurt

Just watch the previews for these, and comment on which one is best.

Can The Greatest American Hero be defeated?

If you answered yes, then I’m sure you’ll watch the second clip again and again and again and again…

If you need more (and you will), click here and here.

(via Bonniegrrl)

The NYC Saga Prequels

Posted on April 24, 2009 by sgottahurt

The NYC highlights are finito, so now I shall present the problems that almost made the trip impossible. And to keep up the nerdery spirit, I present them as… the Star Wars prequels, because they’re just as shitty.

EPISODE I
THE FENDER MENACE

To keep it short – I was going to drive my car to New York. It’s a bit newer than Steve’s car, and it gets better mileage. On the why to get its brakes checked, an accident occurred that smashed my radiator (and my front fender and headlights). So much for that…

EPISODE II
ATTACK OF THE PLANS

I’m not sure on all the details, but Steve was on a business trip for the first half of the week. He was supposed to get back Wednesday (we were leaving Thursday). Then his job needed him to stay a bit longer. Then his flights were delayed. Then his layovers were lengthened. He made it back barely in time for our night soccer game. He didn’t get to get the oil and tires on his car checked, like he hoped. So much for that…

Oh yeah, so that, plus I woke up at 6am on Thursday, hoping to get home early from work in order to nap before soccer. But instead, a client’s computer blew up on me and it consumed – no, devoured – my day. I was at the office until 8pm trying to fix it, and to print out all the maps and instructions for our trip. So much for that…

EPISODE III
REVENGE OF THE SPECTRAL FOX

On the drive to the Big Apple from the Motor City, I was wired. Steve slept a bit for the first part. Around 5am, I drank one of those 5-hour energy boosters, and Steve woke up to talk. All of the sudden, I hit the breaks. I thought an animal ran in front of the car. It wasn’t until the shock of it all settled in that I could describe it.

A small red shadowy smokey spectral creature, like a fox, rushed into the road, looked at me, then darted back to the brush.

Needless to say, at the next exit, we switched. So much for that…

(Not So) Artistic Representation

So what’s next? Perhaps this:

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
1	2	3	4	5	6	7
8	9	10	11	12	13	14
15	16	17	18	19	20	21
22	23	24	25	26	27	28
29	30

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