Film

A Handful Of… Characters With Arm (And Hand) Appendages

Posted on by sgottahurt

With Cowboys & Aliens finally upon us, I’d like to point out something I’ve thought since the first trailer.

Doesn’t Daniel Craig’s arm weapon remind you of Leela’s arm thingee in Futurama?

"You accusin' me of poachin'?"

"Darn tootin' I do."

But then that got me thinking… there are more than a few people who have similar accessories, so I bring to you this list.  Presenting A Handful Of Characters With Arm (And Hand) Appendages!

  • Hellboy from, um, Hellboy

I hoped you wouldn't notice.

It could be a weapon; it could be his hand.  All I remember is it was bigger than his other hand.

  • Ash from Army of Darkness

Is chainsaw the past tense of chainsee?

When Ash’s hand turned evil, I’m sure he thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to him.  If he had chainseen a chainsaw hand in his future, he might not have been as upset.

  • Dr. Igoe from Innerspace

Blowtorch hand FTW.

You might not recall this movie, or this bad guy with interchangeable hands, but sadly, I will not forget one of them – dude had a dildo hand.

  • Nathan “RAD” Spencer from Bionic Commando

This is not your 8-bit commando.

I haven’t played the recent version of this classic, but the original was the shizz.

  • Mega Man from Mega Man

Mega Man has a mega hand.

Mega Man 3 was the first video game I ever beat.  Or wait… maybe it was Castlevania…

How dumb do these toys look?

I had zero interest in getting these action figures as a kid – that’s how terrible the bad guys in The Centurions toy line were.  That being said, I loved the heroes in The Centurions.  I still have my Max Ray and Jake Rockwell figures.

  • Pretty much every character from He-Man (and one from Thundercats)

Fisto - Man-At-Arms - Hammerhand - Clawful - Roboto - Trapjaw

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe were all about gimmicks and puns, and these few selected characters were pure gimmicks and puns.  Thundercats simply ripped that formula off (but the new show looks great BTW).

  • Optimus Prime from Transformers

"Autobots, can here me now?"

I’ve heard rumors that Steve Jobs got the idea for iChat from Optimus Prime.

This whole movie was basically a commercial.

This movie was ridiculous not only for its insanely obvious product placement, but for its story.  A mentally ill kid gets broken out of an insane asylum by Kevin Arnold to go to California and enter a video game competition.  Think Rain Man with Power Gloves.

  • J.P. Pruitt from Zoolander

He was a hand model, you see.

This movie is sadly forgotten by many, but I consider it a comedy classic.  There are so many zany moments, quotable lines, and crazy cameos, like David Duchovny’s above, that if you haven’t seen it, I implore you.  Implore.

HONORABLE MENTION

  • Quarterbacks in the NFL

Crib note much?

In My Brain While Sleeping… Goodman & Upton (Is Not A Law Firm)

Posted on by sgottahurt

No, in this odd dream, Goodman & Upton were a Hollywood power couple.

I was hired to get to the bottom of their relationship, so I broke into this guy’s house:

Yeah, the Goodman was John.

To find out how he was able to date this hottie:

The Upton was Victoria's Secret model, Kate.

The dream kind of reminded me of a less-funny, more infuriating (out of pure jealousy) version of this video:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Happy Find… The Legend Of Korra Preview

Posted on by sgottahurt

I.

Can’t.

Wait.

(Even though I have to.  Until when?  Maybe next year???)

(SIDENOTE: I think it’s kind of stupid that they can’t use Avatar in their title anymore because of the dumb tail-fucking blue people.  Avatar: The Last Airbender used it first!)

Maybe if I freeze myself, I can get to see Legend of Korra that much quicker…

monkeyFLASHmonkeyBACK… Oliver & Billy Joel AND Huey Lewis?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

This post presupposes that I had access to the TripleDoubleU or blogging before there was either… this would be my post back in 1988, when I was prime fodder for the TripleDoubleU or blogging these days.

This could be one of the best things I’ve ever heard.  Let me begin by introducing you to this guy: Dodger from Walt Disney Pictures new cartoon movie, Oliver & Company.

He's more Artist, than Artful.

First off, a new Disney cartoon film?  I haven’t seen one since I was a kid three years ago (that would be The Black Cauldron… I never got to see The Great Mouse Detective, mostly because I didn’t care to.)  Also, I didn’t think they made cartoon films anymore, at least not after the awesome Tron (I hope they make a sequel soon – it’s been seven years already).

But get this – Billy Joel is the voice of Dodger, and he sings Why Should I Worry? in it!  When’s the last time there was singing in a Disney movie… The Jungle Book back in the 60’s?!

And guess what’s even better?

Huey Lewis is performing the theme song, Once Upon a Time in New York City.  I can’t wait to get this cassette!  The only way this news could get any better is if my dream girl sang on the soundtrack:

In retrospect, what the hell is wrong with me?

JusWondering… Why Does “Crazy Stupid Love” Sound So Familiar?

Posted on by sgottahurt

Steve Carell’s reason for leaving The Office latest hits theaters this week, and something about its title leaves a ringing in my ear.

This is kind of a weird poster.

Is it because of this recent celebrated film?

"I was on the way to Tron and stopped by to sing a bit."

Maybe it’s because of one of these turdfests from the past?

Drew used to be cuter when she was crazy - I mean, mad.

Same goes for Kristen.

Perhaps it’s one of these two flicks with almost the same name?

We're getting close...

We took a half step back...

It has nothing to do with this film, does it?

Yup. This happened.

I know what it is… Crazy Stupid Love very well could be the sequel to this:

Better tagline: "Heaven help her get laid and get food."

(More Than) A Handful Of… My Favorite Robot Sidekicks

Posted on by sgottahurt

Oh my circuits… this list could have went on and on and on and (you get the point).

Once, while in a very altered state, I admitted to wishing that I was a robot.  I’ve since blamed it on the alteredness of my mind, but I can’t deny one thing:

I love robots.

And I always have, ever since watching this show:

No, the Flying Robot is not trying to get Johnny Sokko. Although I do remember him as being quite annoying...

Please join me and my glorious list of (More Than) A Handful Of My Favorite Robot Sidekicks after the jump… Read More

InASense, Lost… Johnny 5? More Like Johnny Zero…

Posted on by sgottahurt

Back when Short Circuit 2 was released on VHS circa 1989, I had a vision.  As the movie ended, and Johnny 5 jumped for joy at becoming an American citizen (this did happen), I paused it.  I ran to my bedroom closet and dug out my Lego’s.  And I built.

For quite some time, this has been my pride and joy (it made my Fact Sheet for sheet’s sake)… a (non-gold plated) Johnny 5 replica:

I felt alive!

But now… now I’ve seen this:

I feel... lowly...

(more pics here)

Should I feel bad?

I was fourteen at the time, and I always planned on returning to the project.  I wanted to coordinate the colors better; I wanted to draw out the details to replicate the model; I was beginning to write a program in BASIC that would help me document those details.

So yes, I should feel bad.  All the coolest things I’ve done in my life were when I was a kid.  Before I drank beer.  This blog should be proof of that.  I think I’m going to go to bed now.  Perhaps I’ll have a bit of beer beforehand…

In My Brain While Sleeping… Oh, Britain And Ye Ol’ Fashioned Ways

Posted on by sgottahurt

There was another part to this mental madness involving President Obama being a superhero and that being the reason  he was too busy to get any bigger issues fixed (it’s hard to repair the economy or create jobs if you’re saving babies and rescuing kittens in trees, I guess).

Otherwise, the concept of this dream was simple: I was in the U.K. and they were still quite fond of VHS.  It was the preferred format over DVD and digital copies.  There was a supermarket filled to the brim with the latest releases in the outdated form.

If this was actually the case, this would be a clam shell case you’d see there this week:

How big is that tape if it contains both versions of the film?

(SIDENOTE: Also, how cool is this?)

Hibbidy-Wah?! This Ad Played Before A Kid’s Movie?!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I didn’t see Harry Potter and the End of a Cash Cow Part II this weekend, but apparently in some theaters this ad was shown:

It’s a vast improvement over less fresh Summer’s Eve commercials:

It’s your move Massengill. Time to take this campaign…

…into the future:

In Defense Of… Gross Things On Etsy

Posted on by sgottahurt

This should have been a Hibbidy-Wah?! post.  This could have been a JusWondering, or part of an Awful Battle, or something from InASense, Lost, but the thought crossed my mind to defend it.

WHY DID I EVER CONSIDER DEFENDING THIS?!

(images after the jump as not to offend the casual viewer… Facebookers and Twitterers, I’m sorry… it’s too late…)

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