Animals

A Handful Of… Characters That Fear Water

Posted on by sgottahurt

Water… is life.

Water… is cleansing.

Water… is wet.  What else can I say?

For these characters in TV and film, water is only wet.  Lame opening?  Waterever.

Here are A Handful Of characters that fear H2O.

  • A Mogwai named Gizmo

This poor little guy can’t even drink beer without spawning bastard siblings.

Yes, I've used that joke before.

  • The Wicked Witch of the West

I wonder if Glenda the Good Witch could get wet.  Maybe that came out wrong.  That was still a bad choice of words…

"I really like Arby Meltings, I'm Meltings..."

  • Pigpen

Water would only turn this Peanuts character into Muddy.

The Muddy pun would have went better if his name was Dusty.

  • Aliens

When you’re an alien that has acid blood, you avoid getting open wounds around water.

"I'd rather have ice in my veins..."

When you’re an alien that’s skin is so sensitive to water that it’s like acid, you avoid planets and creatures composed mostly of water.  Or so you’d think…

"If I had ice in my veins, I'd die... Waah..."

  • Jason Voorhees

Maybe he didn’t fear water so much before… you know…

"Hey mom, look at me! I'm splashing!"

  • Tim Burton’s version of evolved Apes

Take it guy from this blog post:

Apes, for some reason, are deathly afraid of water, because in all their evolving they have never learned to swim. In fact, they are so afraid of water that when Mark Wahlberg is running away from them, across a river, he is literally only a few steps into the water when the apes stop pursuing them. The idea seems to be that they are afraid of drowning, but apparently they are afraid of getting wet at all. Ummm… okay.

"Orangutan I didn't say banana? Get it?"

  • Ringwraiths

I guess there’s a bunch of debating about the portrayal of these characters in the Lord of the Ring films, but by my summation, they’re afraid of water.  It’s an elemental thing.

"It's also a horse-shaped tidal wave drowning us thing..."

  • 6th Graders

This video will prove it once and for all:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Worth 1002 Words… Double-Barrel GIF Guns Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Purrfect Shots

Child's Play

(both via Filmdrunk)

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Surprise Impersonator

Posted on by sgottahurt

If one day I break down to the point of requiring psychiatric help, please direct my caretakers to these blog posts about my weird dreams.  I’m sure the answers to curing my mind can be found somewhere here.

What clues this might provide, I don’t know, but I was boarding a plane and there was a big kerfuffle about someone on board.  The rumor had it was a celebrity, but the facts were unclear.

As I made my way to my seat, I was greeted by this:

(Fairly) Artistic Representation

As it turned out, I was seated next to the celebrity – the world’s best Billy Joel impersonator, Guinea Joel.

It seems like a punderferul stretch for my subconscious when this would have been so much easier:

Billy Goat

Happy Finds… DJ Kitty? Kanye Jordan? Let Me Google That For You

Posted on by sgottahurt

Sometimes the TripleDoubleU has too much goodness to handle.

  • ITEM 1 – All I need to say is DJ Kitty:

Cats in hats are so funny!  Somebody should make a book like that stat!

(SIDENOTE: Also acceptable as “funny” – cats in baseball jerseys, cats using turntables, and cats dancing.)

  • ITEM 2 – Do you like Tracy Morgan’s Tracy Jordan?  Well how about Kanye West’s Kanye Jordan?

Basically, it’s a game in which someone takes Kanye West’s Twitter messages and adds “Liz Lemon” to them, as if he were on 30 Rock.  Not all of them are golden, so some of the better ones can be found here and here.  The actual Twitter page can be found here.

It’s the perfect tool for the times you want to be a passive smart ass.  For my example, click here.

Hibbidy-Wah?! File This Under “Why?”

Posted on by sgottahurt

Hipsters are fond of mustaches.  Cars… mmm, not so much.  Cars aren’t fond of mustaches, I mean.  Well I guess hipsters aren’t that fond of cars either…

This VW wisely avoided "The Adolf"...

Allow me to introduce the Carstache.  I figured it’s fair game after already sharing CarLashes.

What’s next?

Car perms?

Car comb overs?

Car soul patches?

Car beards?

I found this while double-checking for "car beards."

Worth 1002 Words… Giant Goldfish Edition

Posted on by sgottahurt

Holy Carp

Some alternates:

(source)

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Fantasy Football Is Pokémon Is Fantasy Football

Posted on by sgottahurt

I choose you, Pikacheerleader!

I’ve gotten into way too many arguments about this lately, so I decided to end the battle here once and all.

I say:

FANTASY FOOTBALL IS NO DIFFERENT THAN POKÉMON.

My friends say:

But it is different!  There’s gambling involved!

Well, kids use to gamble their pogs, but that doesn’t make pogs fantasy football.   So allow me to further illustrate the Coinkydinks (or Coinkydonks)…

  • Each competitor chooses their combatants.

Whether it’s Squirtle or Tom Brady, I see no difference here.

  • Each combatant falls into different categories.

Using the two examples from above, you need water-types and quarterbacks, fire-types and tight ends, electric-types and wide receivers… you see where I’m going here.

  • Each competitor sets up their combatants based upon statistics to battle other competitors.

‘Nuff said.

  • Some combatants are ranked higher than others, and competitors go to great lengths to get them.

Chris Johnson was the #1 draft pick in fantasy football this year; when I used to play Pokémon, MewTwo was the bee’s knees.

  • Plus, how much of a difference is there between these:

And these:

  • Oh, yeah… and then there’s that whole fantasy aspect…

(I didn’t know enough about Dungeons & Dragons to make that comparison, but this guy did.)

Happy Find… Bieber Late Than Never

Posted on by sgottahurt

I know this is old in TripleDoubleU terms, but I still have met people who haven’t seen it yet.  So here it is – Justin Bieber’s U Smile slowed down to a speed more suited to his fan base.  I have to admit that it sounds… how can I put this in Bieberese…

B U TIF L

This is also an oldie but a goodie.  Click here to watch.  You simply must.

Awful/Awesome Battle… I Dare You To Watch One And I Hope You Enjoy The Other

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you can make it all the way through 35+ minutes of this, you will no doubt be rewarded with some humor, but you may also be rewarded much fatigue.

If you watch it in its entirety, please comment below, and point out which of the 100 ways to love a cat are the funniest.

I’ll admit it – I’ve only jumped around.  35 minutes is about 34 minutes too long for a YouTube video to me.  But of what I have seen, I chortled…

On the other hand, this show debuts as a midseason replacement on NBC, and it reeks of potential, if that’s a polite thing to say.  I know it’s four minutes longer than my usual liking, but after trying the above video out, it didn’t seem so bad.

Plus, Olivia Munn is purdy.

The only question that remains – if Perfect Couples premieres on Thursdays, does that mean my Parks and Recreation won’t be coming back?

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Or Lack Of Creative Talent?

Posted on by sgottahurt

This show looks like garbage, me thinks.  It starts this fall on CBS, which in this case literally means C-B-S:

To me, The Defenders looks like Boston Legal Lite, minus the charm, creativity, excellent writing, and sublime casting.  I’ll always have a soft spot for Jerry O’Connell for being in Stand By Me, My Secret Identity, and Rebecca Romijn, and I’ll even give props to Jim Belushi for The Principal, but I could probably live without ever seeing either one of them in anything ever again.

May this show slip away quickly like my money at a craps table.

Now onto other items lacking in creativity…

I thought The Oatmeal made a funny observation about the similarities between James Cameron’s Avatar and his Aliens:

(click image for full comparison)

(BONUS! Did Chistopher Nolan’s Inception rip off Scrooge McDuck?)