superheroes

Coinkydink Or Coinkydonk? Haven’t You Saved Me / Attacked Me Before?

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I began working on this post, I honestly thought I’d be hard-pressed to find even five Actors! that starred in multiple comic book film adaptations.  What I found was quite a closed-circuit community of future Comic Con mainstays.  I’ve opted to showcase the plethora of Actors! that have played in three (!) or more characters featured in paneled ink.  The double-dippers are all after the jump.

  • Chris Evans

Johnny Storm - Lucas Lee - Jensen - Captain America

Clearly the king, Chris Evans has been in fantastic four comic adaptations: Fantastic Four, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, The Losers, and Captain America: The First Avenger.

  • Ryan Reynolds

Hannibal King - Deadpool - Green Lantern

As Hannibal King, Ryan Reynolds did not belong in Blade: Trinity, even though King was in the Blade comic books.  It’s just that Blade: Trinity didn’t need to be.  Strike two came in the form of Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  Wade Wilson, the merc with the mouth, without a mouth?!  And though the studios were underwhelmed by Green Lantern’s opening weekend box office performance, I didn’t think it was too bad.  I guess you could say that it’s his first superhero film without a colon that didn’t suck ass.

  • Michael Fassbender

Stelios - Burke - Magneto

Surprise, surprise, surprise.  I didn’t realize Michael Fassbender wasn’t a comic book rookie in X-Men: First Class.  He was also in 300 and Jonah Hex.  Also, he was the guy that held up the wrong fingers in that underground bar in Inglourious Basterds.  That scene still beats Magneto facing retired Nazis, but it’s not far off.

  • Scarlett Johansson

Rebecca - Silken Floss - Black Widow

It’s about time to get a lady on the list, and who better than the former Mrs. Reynolds.  Prior to being in Iron Man 2, she was in Ghost World and The Spirit.  Yes, both of those were comics.

  • Bruce Willis

John Hartigan - Tom Greer - Frank Moses

He’s played an aging cop in Sin City, a FBI agent in Surrogates, and a retired CIA agent in RED.  I dare you to call him old.

  • Morgan Freeman

Lucius Fox - Sloan - Joe

Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are fantastic, and he played his part well (everything after God is a cinch).  I probably shouldn’t have included Sloan, his character in Wanted, because he wasn’t in the comic book, but eh.  Oh yeah… he was also in RED.

  • John Malkovich

Professor Sandiford - Quentin Turnbull - Marvin Boggs

You probably didn’t see Art School Confidential (neither did I), but it was a graphic novel.  Actually, you probably didn’t see Jonah Hex either.  RED, you probably seen.  And not only on this list twice before.

  • Tommy Lee Jones

Two-Face - Agent K - Colonel Chester Phillips

I tried to forget Batman Forever, but as the title suggests, it’s forever in my head.  Maybe I need one of those neuralizers, like in Men in Black 1 & 2, or perhaps some super-soldier serum, like in Captain America: The First Avenger.

  • Michael Clarke Duncan

The Kingpin - Manute - Kilowog

Daredevil, Sin City, and Green Mile Lantern comprise Duncan’s resume.  People complained about him playing The Kingpin before Daredevil came out; people complained about Daredevil after it came out.

  • Brandon Routh

Superman - Todd Ingram - Dylan Dog

I thought Routh did a great job filling in Christopher Reeves’ iconic red boots, which sounds weird to say, but he did.  He was a good choice.  Too bad Superman Returns’ director, Bryan Singer, made some other strange decisions like giving Supes a kid and having him throw a Kryptonite island into space.  So there won’t be a sequel to that version, but at least he wasn’t typecast.  He was great as super-vegan Todd Ingram in Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and even though Dylan Dog: Dead of Night was an Italian comic book, I still count it.

  • Jeffrey Dean Morgan

The Comedian - Clay - Jeb Turnbull

You might not know Morgan by name, but you likely know him by gravelly voice (or when I’ve written about him before).  He played a great psychotic hero in Watchmen, the cool as a cucumber leader in The Losers, and based upon the limited images online, a very small role (yup, he dies) in Jonah Hex, which again, I haven’t seen.

  • Jaime King

Jade - Wendy - Lorelei Rox

The only other lady on the triples list, King could be King Chris Evans’ queen because she technically played two characters in one movie.  She was Jade in Bulletproof Monk, twins Goldie and Wendy in Sin City, and Lorelei Rox in The Spirit.

This concludes this portion of the show, although I should hand out two special awards.

The Un-S.H.I.E.L.D.ed Eye Award goes to:

Colonel Nick Fury

You see this guy everywhere… well, at least in the Marvel Studio produced films.  He’s been in Iron Man 1 & 2, The Incredible Hulk, and Thor.  He’s somehow in Captain America: The First Avenger, and he will definitely be in The Avengers next summer.  He’s signed on to be in at least nine movies, giving him a decent list, but the patch catch is this: he’s always Nick Fury.  But I almost forgot… he was also in The Spirit as this guy that loves eight of everything:

The Octopus

(SIDENOTE: Clark Gregg’s Agent Coulson appears in all the Marvel films too, but alas, he is not in any comic books.)

The Hitchcock Walk-On Award goes to:

  • Stan Lee

(Who else would it have been?)

Twenty-two more double-dippers can be found by clicking here —->

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A Handful Of… Non-Superhero Superhero Movies

Posted on by sgottahurt

For this small list, I wanted to highlight the non-canon, non-superhero superheroes of modern cinema.  And I’m not counting anything like Darkman, Blankman, Meteor Man, or My Super Ex-Girlfriend.  Some of these entries are obvious – some are not.

Look!  Up in the sk– over there!  It’s A Handful Of Non-Superhero Superhero Movies!

  • The Movie: The Matrix
  • The Non-Superhero Superhero: Neo (Thomas A. Anderson)

"There may be no spoon, but that's a lot of bullets!"

The Matrix as a stand-alone film is a story similar to the recent Green Lantern movie.  Whereas Hal Jordan was found by Abin Sur who explained he was “chosen,” Neo was found by Morpheus under the same pretenses.  Until Hal/Neo believed in himself, he wasn’t quite the hero he was destined to be.  Also, Neo’s code-vision was green.  Mjusayin’.

  • The Movie: Unbreakable
  • The Non-Superhero Superhero: The Security Guard (David Dunn)

"I know things others don't. It's like a sixth sense."

Like Thor, David Dunn was always a god… he just didn’t know his full potential.  And in a series of (destructive) moves that would make Loki proud, Mr. Glass pushed David to find the hero he could be.  Even though it’s an M. Night Shitamalan flick, I’m still awaiting the sequel.

  • The Movie: District 9
  • The Non-Superhero Superhero: Man-Prawn (Wikus van de Merwe)

"Somebody get me to the EYE-C-U! Stat!"

Swamp Thing is about a scientist, Dr. Alec Holland, who is filled with good intentions that ends up becoming one of the swamp things he’s trying to protect; Wikus van de Merwe isn’t as noble as Dr. Holland, but as he becomes one of the “prawns” he’s trying to relocate, his selfish actions end up leading to (hopeful) liberation for all.  Waiting on this sequel, too.

  • The Movie: The Dead Zone
  • The Non-Superhero Superhero: The Assassin (Johnny Smith)

"I need more cow bell."

Stephen King is probably better at writing Non-Supervillain Supervillians (Firestarter, Carrie, Cujo, Christine), but The Dead Zone is kind of the exception.  After waking from a coma, Johnny Smith develops the ability to see the future of anyone he touches.  Upon shaking the hand of a senator, he becomes determined to assassinate him because of all the ill he’ll cause the world.  In this way, he’s a lot like The Punisher – an anti-hero vigilante that’s kinda creepy.

  • The Movie: They Live
  • The Non-Superhero Superhero: Nada

"I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'd really like some bubblegum."

Batman may have had a bunch of gadgets to help him make the world a brighter place.  All Nada needs is a pair of sunglasses.  And a shotgun.  And like he says above – some bubblegum.

Comprised of living, breathing "blue genes"...

Come on… they really fit all four of those girls the same?!  It must be made of unstable molecules just like the Fantastic Four’s costumes.

A Handful Of… Drawings Of Superheroes On Bikes

Posted on by sgottahurt

I liked these as soon as I saw them, and then I realized all these are getting adapted for movies or TV.  So in order of release:

  • Thor (May 6)… on a bike!
  • Green Lantern (June 17)… on a bike!
  • Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22)… on a bike!
  • Wonder Woman (maybe this fall on TV?)… on a bike!
  • Amazing Spider-Man (July 3, 2012)… on a bike!
  • Aquaman (sadly never)… on a bike!

In My Brain While Sleeping… “Ice, Bots, Heroes, and Ho’s”

Posted on by sgottahurt

It begins in a factory in subzero conditions, and the plant crumbles around me.  Equipment fails.  Alarms… alarm.  In the distance, there are booming explosions and metal screams as it tears apart.  There are three of us – the remaining workers – and we’re trying to escape.  At an elevator platform that runs up an icy slope to freedom, we realize only two go at once.  The largest worker, easily twice the size of me, sends the third guy and myself first.  “I’ll be right behind you,” he bravely states as he mans the controls that send us up the slope.

Halfway up, the lift suddenly shrieks to a stop.  It begins heading back down.  We yell to our portly hero, wondering what’s happened, but we quickly realize we’re approaching our demise.  The source of the factory’s destruction has found us; his intent is to killl.  His name – Bender.  (Yes, the robot from “Futurama.”)  It turns out I’m in an episode of “Futurama.”  (A very special episode, I guess.)

Cut to me watching the show in some seedy Downtown Anywhere bar with Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith (or Jay and Silent Bob, if you will… I’m unsure which incarnation they were in).  We’re discussing the headquarters of our local superheroes, the Pantheon, and how it has no discernable entrance, but all the heroes know how to get in.  Kevin-slash-Silent Bob (so maybe it was Kevin because he was chatty… but then again Silent Bob does have his moments) brings up the architecture outside of the heroes’ HQ.

“Have you noticed that over the years, the smaller the heroines’ tops get, the bigger the pillars seem to get?”

After kicking back a few more drinks, and I assume finishing the “Futurama” episode, we hit the streets.  The three of us are about to veer left when two ladies in skimpy black-and-red plastic outfits approach from the right.  They call out J&SB, so I keep walking.  I meet an old lady at the corner who abruptly and repeatedly asks me, “Are those ho’s superheroes or prostitutes?”  I continue walking home.

INGREDIENTS: four day old Hungry Howies pizza, Double Stuf Oreos, and organic milk, mixed with winning our softball game as well as Tampa Bay’s victory over Boston (boo-ya!), sprinkled with the softball team playing a punching arcade game at the bar.