Drunken Recollection… Nuclear Urine For Jellyfish?

Known for: being a fair-weather fan, squishy

Known for being: poisonous, squishy, a fair-weather fan

Who’s says you can’t learn new things when you’re drinking?  Time and again, when I make a point to remember the revelations experienced despite the buckets of booze in my system, chances are pretty decent I won’t forget.

For example: last night at trivia, a question we’ve had before reared it’s head.

Q: What type of bird is most commonly used as a state bird?  It’s currently used by seven states.
A: Cardinals.

I don’t know this.  But I remembered it.

Just like I remember finding out that there’s a minor league baseball team in Albuquerque called the Isotopes.  I did not previously know this, but I knew it had to be named after the team in The Simpsons.  I did not remember that in one episode of the show, the home team was supposed to move to Albuquerque, but now I know via Wikipedia, and it makes their name choice that much less arbitrary and forgivable (sorry about the drunken tirade, Isotopes!)

Another thing I was forced to investigate after another drunken tirade was the notion of urinating on yourself after being stung by a jellyfish.  Much debate was given on whether it had to be your pee, someone else’s pee, if it could be a beer piss, etc.

These are some facts things I discovered:

  • Urine can help.
  • Urine doesn’t do anything.
  • Urine can make things worse.

Soooo… hopefully I won’t encounter any jellyfish when I vacation in Mexico later this year.  Now I know that I don’t know anything for sure, but I probably wouldn’t let someone pee on me, or me on myself, just in case.  I just hope I remember that when I’m on the beach – and drunk.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Gash Monsters, Flying Pucks, And Robert Redford

I had a series of strange dream flashes recently.  Here’s the gist of them:

1) The Gash Monster.  This one is a little messed up.  The opening of the dream started like a pinhole fade-in… except the pinhole was a square.  As the blackness pulled away, it revealed a creature comprised of eyes that looked just like this one below: 

(Kinda) Artistic Representation

(Kinda) Artistic Representation

It was covered in gashes (take that word choice however you may), and in every slit (same goes for that word choice) rested a beady, blinking eye.  The beast was the size of a couch and shaped like a boar.  Its snorting (and endless staring) woke me up immediately.

2) The Floating Puck.  In this dream, there was a ten foot cushioned, hockey puck-looking thing in a play area.  Some kids were floating above it, but I thought they were flying by jet packs like we’re used to seeing (even though I saw none):

In case you couldn't put "jet" and "pack" together in your mind.

In case you couldn't put "jet" and "pack" together in your mind.

When they started doing flips, it freaked me out.  I was worried they’d crash and smash their heads.  As it turned out, this puck-thing blasted air which made everyone virtually weightless.  At the point I finally stood on it, I had to jump to get started.  I lifted a bit higher with each jump, but I was too heavy for it and slowly descended back to the ground.  For whatever reason, this made me wake up, laughing out loud.

3) The Giveaway.  This is maybe even stranger than the other two dreams.  I was in my basement doing laundry, and Robert Redford was also there, going through all of his old awards.  He was pulling out all kinds of trophies and throwing them in the trash – even his Oscars.  The only one he wanted to keep was from Butch Cassidey and the Sundance Kid (for which he wasn’t even nominated).  He told me he’d give me his Academy Award from The Sting (he didn’t win, but at least he was nominated).  When he reached into the box, he pulled out a toy of the Gash Monster.

Like this Star Wars creature, but not at all.

Like this Star Wars creature, but not at all.