First off, let me begin by saying this:

Fuck those You might be a Child of the 80’s if… lists.

Now that that’s out of my system, let me explain why I feel that way: they’re pretentious.  All they contain are some moron’s notion of nostalgia.  They’re collections of random “a-ha! remember this!” recollections.  All puff.  No fact.

So today, I shall set out to empirically define what makes someone a Child of the 80’s, and it’s simple.

If you saw this movie at the theater on its first run:

And you didn’t see this movie on its first run:

Then

you are

a Child of the 80’s.

If you were born between Empire Strikes Back and Back to the Future, or in the Back-to-Back Time Frame, you might believe you’re a Child of the 80’s because you remember crap on those stupid lists, but believe me, you’re not.

I might give you seeing second run E.T. or first run Return of the Jedi at the theater as a marker, but it’s doubtful you remember it.  I know that I saw The Muppet Movie, and I knew its music courtesy of a record we had as kids, but I don’t recall the experience.  This is why I’m not a Child of the 70’s.

Now just as sure as those born between the original releases of Jaws and Empire Strikes Back (The Jaw Strike Time Frame) are certified 80’s Children,  those born between Back to the Future and Home Alone (The Future Doesn’t Bode Well For Macaulay Culkin Time Frame) are Children of the 90’s.

So what does that make those born in The Back-to-Back Time Frame?