JusWondering… Lions Need To Draft Cheerleaders

Another weekend has come and gone.  That means the Detroit Lions can add one more to the number on the right, notching them up to 0-11.  The road ahead looks bleak, but if the New England ButtPats can go for 16 and 0, then so can we!

But I have a theory.  It’s not full-proof, but neither is the theory of relativity… particularly when my Uncle Stan drinks full-proof whiskey on Thanksgiving.  Seriously, is he even related to me?!

Anyhooperthedetroitpistonsmascot, when the Lions use the draft picks received from the Roy Williams trade to Dallas, and the inevitable *crosses finger* first round pick from the undefeated season, I say we use them on a cheerleader squad.  At this point, I say we try anything.

First off, it will get the fans back in the seats so there are no more game day black-outs.  (Us guys are stupid this way.)  That way, it won’t matter if we win or lose.  A simulation:

One friend to another – “Ahhh, not another interception!”
Friend in return – “Hey, check out that hot POA!” 

Smiles on everyone’s face!

Second off, look what adding the Automotion to Detroit Pistons games did for them… six Conference Appearances, two Conference Titles, one Championship.  Coincidence?  (I pronounced it co-inside-ence? to be funny in my head.  Try it.)

Third off (bra-level… yay!), every other team but two has cheerleaders!  (I pronounced it teambuttwo… y’know, real fast in my head, so it sounded like Timbuktu.  For no reason.)

It’s not that every team that has cheerleaders does well, or vice versa.  (Cleveland had a good run in the late 80’s and the New York rammed the ButtPats in last years Super Bowl – and they don’t have cheerleaders.  Is it because they’d be the Brown Girls or the Giant Girls?  You be the judge.)

In closing, some suggestions for the Lions Cheerleaders name, besides simply that or the Lionesses:

  • The Lions Down
  • The Always Lions
  • The Assembly Lions
  • The Lions Around Unemployed
  • The Running Game
  • The Lost Hope… or The Last Hope
  • The Pipe Dreams
  • The Who Cars Anymore?
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra and Rita, and as I continue you know they're getting sweeter

Detroit Lions’ Unsung Hero

Forward down the field...

Does not Spight the Lions...

Forget about Daunte Culpepper (for now anyway).  He’s got to get used to the Lions’ shitty defense and shitty offense before he can manage anything with this team.

I want to put a shout out for the one guy at Ford Field that has it the hardest (and I’m not talking about kicker Jason Hanson) – Theo Spight.

He’s the guy on the field that has to get excited, even when the Lions are down 38-7 against the Jacksonville Jaguars, and they just scored against second stringers.

The song has a long history dating back to the 1930’s, which is about the last time they were any good.

Footage from Ford Field:

Live footage rockin’ out with band (at 2:40 mark):

Lyrics to Gridiron Heroes.