Happy Find! This Is My New Favorite Thing(s)!

Good ol’ WordPress won’t let me embed non-traditional videos anymore, so you’ll have to click on the pictures to head to Conan’s show’s page, but to me – they’re worth it!

Who has time to go to the beach? He does!

Who has time to go to the beach? He does!

The Nappiest Place on Earth!

The Nappiest Place on Earth!

InASense, Lost… I Always Feel Bad When This Happens

I regularly watch Conan on TBS mostly out of guilt for not watching him regularly on The Tonight Show before he got shit-canned from NBC.  But that feeling of unease cannot compare to the stomach flip I feel when someone disses Andy Richter, like comedian Nick Thune did during this appearance on the show (it happens at about the 5:30 mark):

What’s wrong with the world?  Why can’t people just be polite?!  It takes minimum time and provides maximum comfort.  If people could only rectify their wrongs– wait, Nick Thune did what?

Click image for what happened next.

Click image for what happened next.

Happy Find… Fun, Fun, Fun Conspiracy Theory Of The (Last) Year

I’m very late to this, but since it was new to me and I found it enjoyable, I shall share it with you:

Sorry if it’s fuzzy… transcript below…

(via)

What the theory states:

The song [Rebecca Black’s Friday] is about the JFK assassination.  The name of the driver of the car he was assassinated in was Samuel Kicken (Kickin’ in the front seat, sittin’ in the back seat…)

The assassination occurred on a Friday, and when he was shot, the Secret Service yelled at Jackie Kennedy to “get down” (Gotta get down on Friday…)

Parts about the Cold War and the spread of Communism are referenced (Everybody’s rushin’ = Everybody’s Russian…)

And to top it all off, in the hotel that morning, JFK declined a breakfast of sausage, eggs, and toast for a bowl of Bran Flakes instead (Gotta have my bowl/ Gotta have cereal…)

Also, the following Monday, JFK was supposed to sign a bill into law requiring all public schools to provide bus transportation for their students (Gotta catch my bus…)

Now, I’d like to believe this is all true, but the very first item I cross-referenced (JFK’s driver was Sam Kinney, not Sam Kicken) came up as a negative, so rather than destroy the beauty of its lunacy, I’m gonna stop there.

A Handful Of… Conan And Andy Theme Songs

It’s starting to feel like Conan O’Brien and Andy Richter are really starting to find their rhythm again, so in honor of that, here are A Handful Of theme songs from their shows.  I have nothing else to say.  Except for this:

I can’t believe Quintuplets was ever made.

  • Late Night with Conan O’Brien
  • Andy Richter Controls the Universe (theme at 0:35 minute mark)
  • Quintuplets (theme at 1:52 minute mark)
  • Andy Barker P.I.
  • The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
  • Conan

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Life And Times Of Admiral Ackbar

"I'm your host, Admiral Ollie Ackbar, and this is my sidekick, Ed McMonCalamari."

"I'm your host, Admiral Ollie Ackbar, and this is my sidekick, Ed McMonCalamari."

This was one messed up dream, and it requires a bit of back story.  I don’t know if the back story occurred in the dream, or if my subconscious naturally knew it, but here we go:

Apropos of nothing, including Star Wars, Leno, Letterman, Conan, Kimmel, and Fallon, everyone’s favorite token Mon Calamarian, Admiral Ackbar, hosted the highest-rated late night show in America (think Krusty the Clown).  He was on top of the world, until one night when a prank went bad.

Apparently, a woman was invited on stage for a skit that involved ham, bacon, and other various pork products, such as, um, pork.  She was eight months pregnant, and against the producers wishes, Ackbar went ahead with the bit.  Something about the segment startled her and caused her water to break.  Live.  On national TV.

This lead to him getting banned from everything and everywhere, and he eventually went into the witness protection program when threats on his life seemed credible.  Now back to the present day… dream.

While living under his new identity, he eventually started butting heads with his handlers.  Unable to blend in, he put on an elaborate show which exposed his location.  Soon enough, the credible threat found him.  It ended up being a mechanical pig that looked a bit like this:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

The roboswine wasn’t the only surprise… 

All along, the reason the government thought Ackbar’s life was in danger was incorrect.  They believed it was because the public was outraged that he caused his audience member to go into early labor.  The real reason?  The pigdroid was upset about the wasted pork products, bitter of the fact that he no longer consisted of pork products.

And the meatless metal meanie never intended to kill Ackbar – he only wanted an apology.  The consummate host obliged and soon was back on top of the world.

INGREDIENTS: A late night helping of regular Oreo’s and a glass of chocolate milk.

JusWondering… Do The Kids Even Know What A Record Scratch Is Anymore?

There’s a commercial that plays here in Detroit which uses the record scratch sound to express a shock.   I can’t recall the product or manufacturer to present an example, but for those of you born in the *gulp* 90’s, the sound occurs at the 0:52 mark in this excellent mash-up:

iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?

iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?

And I’m being serious here.  Why would any modern advertisement resort to such an out-dated cliche?  I’m sure the writers thought they were being funny (as I often do and fail miserably), but a record scratch?  A RECORD SCRATCH?

Here’s some other things I’ve been JusWondering about:

1) In the song, Only Wanna Be With You, does Hootie cry about the Miami Dolphins, or about “the dolphins” in general (since he’s friends with “the Blowfish,” you see)?

2) Is l33t speak still called that?  Because it seems kinda like that term’s jumped the shark?

3) Has the term jumped the shark nuked the fridge?

4) Is it just me, or shouldn’t She’s a Beauty totally be a song by Chicago or at least Peter Cetera, instead of The Tubes?  It should have been in Mannequin, too.  (Was it in that?)

Kim Cattrall's finest performance

Kim Cattrall’s stiffest performance

5) Much ballyhoo has been made about Conan O’Brien being a neophyte in L.A., but didn’t he live there when he wrote for The Simpsons?  (Boom!  Research!  He lived there when he wrote for HBO’s Not Necessarily the NewsNo specifics on his home whilst he was on his Homer bender, but I’m still pretty sure he was at least in Hollywood.  Turn that ballyhoo into boo!)

Happy (Geeky) Find… Turk As Lando? Yes, Please!

On last night’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (btw… can’t wait for Conan’s return June 1st!), Scrubs’ Donald Faison stopped by to promote his new film, Next Day Air, but who cares about that!  He has an even better idea for a new movie…

Via Star Wars Blog:

It’d be The Chronicles of Lando Calrissian starring Donald Faison. I’d be Lando. And it would be before he lost the Millennium Falcon to Han Soloin that Sabacc game. And we would be cruising across the galaxy in the Falcon gettin’ chicks, drinking ale. And the hair would be phenomenal! I’d have to wear a wig or what we could do is just shave my head for back in the day when Lando used to shave his head. He’d have a whole new crew. It would be before Episode IV. So Episode 3.5 or 3.6.

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BONUS STAR WARS NERDINESS: I thought of this idea a day or so ago for some reason… thank Jedis somebody else already made it, because I’m far too lazy.  I only wish it was made to Alien Ant Farm’s version of Smooth Criminal rather than Michael Jackson’s, as the original runs a little long, but hey… M’Beg’gers can’t be Chewies.

In My Brain While Sleeping… Three Kinds Of Dream Chases

Last night was one of those “I can’t wait to get to bed” nights.  I was out past 3am, which according to daylight savings time was really 4am.  The dreams I had in store for me all had to do with chasing, and well… they were good, bad, and ugly.

THE GOOD CHASE (CAREER)

Google him sometime.  Tons of funny pics.

Google him sometime. Tons of funny pics.

Somehow I managed to get backstage at the Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien.  There I met his four writers.  That was all he had.  That was all he could trust.  After the show, he came back to meet me.  One of the writer’s had suggested that he’d take me on board as a writer, based on this very blog you’re reading (there’s no humility in dreams, I guess).  He said he’d take a chance on me, but first I’d have to pass a test.  What happened next primarily included the four writers, Conan, and myself playing all kinds of picnic games in the park.  I passed (whatever the test was… maybe to have fun?) and was acknowledged as a staff writer.  I was nervous at first about creating new ideas, but once I started mixing it up by ad-libbing with the others, I knew I had found home.

THE BAD CHASE (GOSSIP STORY)

Google Paramore. Not as many funny pics as Conan.

Google Paramore. Not as many funny pics as Conan.

I don’t know if it was while I was working on the show or not, but there was a rumor going around that a musician did something bad.  No one would say what the musician did, or who it was.  After much deliberation (was I a gossip site reporter?), I found out it was Hayley Williams, lead singer of the rock band Paramore.  I never found out what she did, though.

THE UGLY CHASE (DON’T LET HIM GET ME!)

Can I stop dreaming about this please?

BONUS: DOUCHEBAG CHACE

I don't know for sure if Chace Crawford is a DB, but... yeah, he probably is.

I don't know for sure if Chace Crawford is a DB, but... yeah, he probably is.