You may or may not have taken the “Awareness Test” before, but I couldn’t suggest it more. It was put together by this country’s forefathers’ forefathers’ (and foremothers’) decendents, over yonder, across the pond. (I’m talkin’ ’bout the Brits, you idiot!)
Anywhosyerforedaddy, I failed the test. Terribly. See how well you fare:
Oh glorious day!
Last night, between my basketball game and my soccer game (minimal blisters this time in case anyone worried), I stopped at a local bar chain called Bailey’s. I arrived at 10:30pm and ordered myself a Guinness (the best beer to drink before playing soccer in case anyone wondered).
I found out that starting at 11pm, there was to be special pricing on the heavy brew (I pretend it’s a melted malt shake). I also found out if you stood up and read a toast, you would get a long sleeve Guinness shirt, and this:
Unfortunately, I was to be leaving at 11pm to for football, so my buddy, Rodney, opted to do to give the toast on behalf of me.
Little did he know, he would be the only one to volunteer and actually do it. (Another guy stood up to join him, but said little to nothing.) He had to get the entire bar’s attention and read the pre-written cheer.
When we returned, he gave me both the shirt and hat, and for that I’m eternally (or least until St. Patrick’s Day) grateful.
A toast to Rodney! Sláinte!
There are things you’re taught, and there are things you learn. There are things you know, and things you choose not to remember. Sometimes these things come up at the bar.
Here are examples are each:
1) Things you’re taught. I was unaware of the existence of cornmeal bombs, and then one day I was taught not only their purpose, but how they work. Thanks CSI!
2) Things you learn. One of my buddies (Derek) works as a scientist (he says he’s not but by all intents and purposes, I say he is – just like how I refer to my engineering friends as inventors). What his job entails is creating bugs that will get rid of these guys:
How much wood can a woodborer bore if a... wait, it can. So all of it.
What I think is cool (which is highly subject, considering I think it’s cool to be considered a scientist), is that I had no idea he did this now. The last I heard he was categorizing lake muck, no he’s scientist-ing with insects! Also, I had seen signs all around Michigan for years saying not to transplant wood because of the Emerald Ash Borer pictured above, but I had no idea that it looked… like… that. Not to sound stereotypical, but it comes from Asia, and it looks like something that would come from Asia (is that stereotypical sounding?), in that I mean it looks foreign, and regal, and traditional (nice recovery). Anywood, since it’s winter, Derek cuts down trees to put them in heat chambers that fool the little dormant buggers into thinking it’s spring, then he unleashes his (team’s) creations on them! Awesome!
3) Things you know. I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and I know I don’t have the right shoes for it, so I know that I’m going to get a blister or two from speeding running jogging up and down the court.
4) Things you choose not to remember. I haven’t played basketball in over a year, and the chance came up to play last night. I had a soccer game that started late, so I knew I could squeeze in a couple hours of hoops. Then I’d have no problem playing soccer right after…
[INSERT GENERIC IMAGE OF BLISTER ON FOOT, PROVIDED BY YOUR IMAGINATION BECAUSE I’M SUCH A NICE GUY THAT’S NOT GOING TO PUT UP ANY PICTURES LIKE THIS]
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