Much ballyhoo has been made of late in regard to a sex toy aimed at horny dogs. (How highbrow does that sentence sound? Dog whistle high?)
Anyhound, this is the latest offering in a joke of a world that never gets old:
By far, it is not the first, or the worst. And that’s when I smell an Awful Battle in the air. (Maybe I shouldn’t have said smell…)
AWFUL BATTLE… GO!
This might not be much of a battle, but it’s certainly about a pair of awful people! Without further hesitation, allow me to introduce you to:
"First the atmosphere, then the world!"
Powers: Mechanical engineer and chemist that attended Cornell
Crimes Against Humanity: Discovered dichlorodifluoromethane (the CFC dubbed Freon) and added tetraethyllead to gasoline (and called it “Ethyl” even though it was essentially “lead”)… We all know what CFC’s did to the ozone and what lead does to people. According to a unnamed source on Listverse (apparently Wikipedia):
He is considered to be the man that – “had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth’s history.”
Current Whereabouts: The ground. He died in 1944 after getting tangled in the cords of a contraption… that he designed.
A dose of his own radioactive medicine.
Powers: Radioactive (after being given radioactive iodine, natch)
Crimes Against Humanity: Well… the dude’s a pedophile. He’s been charged with five accounts of downloading indecent pics of kids since 2006, and 87 prior to that, but the extra crap part is this:
In 1993 he left the banking world to set up The Tutors Group at Blythe Hall School. It employs more than 600 staff and works with more than 3,000 children, teaching infants to A-level students study skills, essay planning and examination technique. (via DailyMail UK)
Current Whereabouts: Unknown. He escaped trial and was almost captured on his way to Ireland from England, but he flashed his radioactive card and they released him. Let’s see… this happened a long time ago, way, way back in… February. Of this year. Yikes!
AWFUL BATTLE… GO!
Ah, true love. Does it really exist? Is it simply a term to describe a reaction of gurgling chemicals and snapping pheromones? Is it phenomenon that only occurs when soul mates find each other?
The governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, certainly believes in it. You know this guy… he disappeared for a few days and spent them with a woman other than his wife. Chemicals and pheromones? Soul mates reuniting?
His words:
This [relationship with Maria Chapur] was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story. A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day. (NYTimes.com 6/30/2009)
And:
I will be able to die knowing that I had met my soul mate [Chapur]. But it was one of those things, I knew the cost. (Associated Press 6/30/2009)
Hopefully these two videos can offer up some answers. The first video falls a little more in the chemicals/pheromones camp, and it captures the lust of that definition of true love. The second video is the greatest expression of what happens when two soul mates lose each other.
In all actuality, no they don’t. This is an AWFUL BATTLE… GO!
SIDE NOTE: The next video is a little long, but once you get the gist of the first five minutes (it’s a love story to himself… he smiles every time the song mentions it… hmm, I wonder why she left you?), skip to the 5:00 minute mark for the finale. Priceless!
Many months back, I wrote a post about the uncanny valley. I’m beginning to think that it’s becoming an uncanny canyon. Japan, the forerunners on creepy, have been working hard to do just that – mess with your mind. The following videos might not make you think of anything more than the Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World or the Rock-a-Fire Explosion at ShowBiz (seriously… check the Rock-a-Fire out), but remember one thing… when the ride broke down, the pirates didn’t try to eat you! Because they’re attached to the floor, you see.
These androids are designed to be free-roamers.
Awful battle… GO!
Is that kid android wearing a doo rag?
In real life, most of us have been fortunate enough to avoid problems such as
So the bulk of us can understand how difficult it would be to try to act out one of those very same scenarios, with so little personal experience to build on.
Where do you go inside yourself to uncover the characters’ motivation? Do they teach workshops at the local community college? Are there clips on YouTube that demonstrate what it takes?
Awful battle… GO!
*the film was called Troll 2, but it was about goblins.
I spend a lot of time on the TripleDoubleU. Well, a lot probably is an understatement of the amount of minutes I’ve allotted to pure waste. All I know, is it could be worse. Like, I could have burned the entire Memorial Day weekend away in front of my laptop, and that, um, didn’t happen.
My cousin, Steve, on the other hand, is what I would call a web dabbler. He dives into the stream of the information superhighway every now and again, and he phishes out some strange finds. Such as these two videos below.
Both feature interesting music choices and eclectic slide shows.
Both took a lot of time to make… but hopefully not an entire Memorial Day weekend.
(BONUS BOTH: May both get stuck in your head!)
Awful Battle, GO!
(Click here for Egg Movie 2… and oh wait, yes! There is more Linda Gray lovefesting here. My personal fave? You can never go wrong with Cascada and staring in the credits.)
There’s bad commercials, and then there’s bad commercials. I’m a huge fan of the bad commercials – they’re so bad they’re great. These are just a few to ingest and digest.
The first one on the list is flat-out distasteful, in my opinion:
This next one is hard to swallow (there are many more where this came from that are just plain weird and hella strange):
This last one is simply a rotten egg:
I’m not sure which idea/makeup transformation is more awful:
Sherman the Robot from 1989’s Millennium (which also featured Cheryl Ladd and Kris Kristofferson, as well as the thought-provoking closing lines displayed below the video)…
This is not the end.
This is not the beginning of the end.
It is the end of the beginning.
…Gary Oldman portraying Matthew McConaughey’s twin brother whom also happens to be a little person? (Couldn’t they have given a real little person the part in the direct-to-DVD flick called Tiptoes?)
BONUS AWFUL: Did that preview really show Kate Beckinsale readying to perform fellatio on Matt?
(via Everything is Terrible and VideoGum)
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