My Thoughts On Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen… In Photoshop
Revenge of the Fail, indeed. To blame the voice actors... tsk-tsk, Mr. Directors.
JusWondering… Do The Kids Even Know What A Record Scratch Is Anymore?
There’s a commercial that plays here in Detroit which uses the record scratch sound to express a shock. I can’t recall the product or manufacturer to present an example, but for those of you born in the *gulp* 90’s, the sound occurs at the 0:52 mark in this excellent mash-up:
iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?
And I’m being serious here. Why would any modern advertisement resort to such an out-dated cliche? I’m sure the writers thought they were being funny (as I often do and fail miserably), but a record scratch? A RECORD SCRATCH?
Here’s some other things I’ve been JusWondering about:
1) In the song, Only Wanna Be With You, does Hootie cry about the Miami Dolphins, or about “the dolphins” in general (since he’s friends with “the Blowfish,” you see)?
2) Is l33t speak still called that? Because it seems kinda like that term’s jumped the shark?
3) Has the term jumped the shark nuked the fridge?
4) Is it just me, or shouldn’t She’s a Beauty totally be a song by Chicago or at least Peter Cetera, instead of The Tubes? It should have been in Mannequin, too. (Was it in that?)
Kim Cattrall’s stiffest performance
5) Much ballyhoo has been made about Conan O’Brien being a neophyte in L.A., but didn’t he live there when he wrote for The Simpsons? (Boom! Research! He lived there when he wrote for HBO’s Not Necessarily the News… No specifics on his home whilst he was on his Homer bender, but I’m still pretty sure he was at least in Hollywood. Turn that ballyhoo into boo!)
In My Brain While Sleeping… Kermit The Frog Escapes From Rosie O’Donnell!
For some reason, the world was all aflutter in this dream. National news, tabloid shows, late night talk fests… everyone was going crazy about how Rosie O’Donnell ate the Muppets.
(Now let me state this here: I have no problem with Rosie-O whatsoever. I like women in the media like her and Roseanne that speak their minds, even if people don’t really want to hear it. Don’t know why this is so, but I just thought I had to give this disclaimer.)
Anywhatnot, the media jumped all over the story. Word was that she had already devoured Miss Piggy and Gonzo, and that she was well on her way to swallowing Kermit.
Dramatization of my psychosis
But then, against all odds, Kermit showed up at a Hollywood premier. Interviewers pressed him for a what, and a why, and a how, and all he said was that he climbed out of Rosie’s gullet. Overnight, this poster was found in offices everywhere:
On Sale Now! (...nowhere...)
INGREDIENTS: Booze and a patty melt (minus onions) plus garlic mashed potatoes.
Joyous Find… Auto-Tune The News (And The Gregory Brothers)
Someone check the definition for "brothers" please...
It’s been a short while since I’ve stumbled across something on the TripleDoubleU that’s compable of consuming massive amounts of my time. Congrats to The Gregory Brothers for doing just that.
(SIDENOTE: The group includes a sister, just like how it is with the Warner Brothers – Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, yet I suspect they are not really related, just like how it is with The Ramones. But Kings of Leon are all brothers, which I didn’t initially believe, so who knows? Sarah’s the sister-in-law, married to Evan, oldest brother of Andrew and Michael. Boom! Reasearch!)
Together, they have encompassed a great portion of my weekend by being fantastic on so many levels.
First off – they are talented as all get up. Not just a little get up, or a medium amount of get up – all of it.
Second off – they’re funny as heck. Okay, “heck” might not be as funny as the word “poop,” but I’m not putting that word in any sentence about them. Erm…
Okay, so many levels that include only two, but they’re huge levels, right?
I found out about them through Warming Glow (thanks!) after a post showing this video:
Incredible, right? It skewers auto-tuning, the news in general, and the current state of politics, and still manages to be a good song. Not a classic song per se, but beyond textured for a comedy bit.
After watching the first four auto-tuned news reports on their YouTube channel Schmoyoho amongst other earlier outings, I dove into their Facebook and MySpace pages and was surprised to find they were serious musicians (I really like Butter On My Roll, but who am I kidding… it’s all great.). That elevated their level of a shout out on this page from general to specific. That doesn’t just happen for everyone.
Too bad the 25% of the band that’s “babe” is already spoken for. I love women that can sing. Sarah, if you ever get bored with Evan and are looking for a blogger that tries to be funny on a daily basis, comment on my site and I’ll respond! Srsly, I will comment right back on this blog! (Pourquoi est il que les amours m’échappe?)
Drunken Recollection… News At The Speed Of Twitter
Last night, while playing trivia at the bar (natch), a question came up (natch) that we made an educated guess on (unnatch… we usually guess blindly).
The question in question:
In what year was the stamp first used:
- 1640
- 1780
- 1860
- 1910
True story. Also explains BGP... ("Beer Goggle Phenomenon")
Since my intelligence increases exponentially with the amount of alcohol intook (intaked? intaken? I’m not drunk enough to know this right now!), I stumbled upon a method of deduction.
In ye days of ole, peasants probably wouldn’t speak to each other via any other method but their mouth or fastest son. Maybe a carrier pigeon if they figured that bit out. And monarchs had messengers, as did this country’s forefathers. Remember, they had that whole bit about wax seals (not to be confused with wax walruses).
So we talked and chatted it up. WWI would be way to late, and it seemed like the Old West would have had mail. Then it struck me – The Pony Express! I didn’t know what year they were around, but 1860 sounded ’bout right. And lo! ‘Twas!
We hooted and hollered it up and guessed performed well the remainder of the game… until Doc Holliday tripped us up. Actually, it was Satine. From the movie Moulin Rouge! (The producer’s exclamation point – not mine.) We could not for the love of the game of trivia think of tuberculosis, as in “What did she die from?” We knew Doc had it, and maybe Walt Kowalski had it, but alas, we did not get it. Farewell sweet $100…
But I digress. All of the above is not what this post was supposed to be all about. I know it is so far, but bear with me. This is about a little unexpected experiment that occurred after trivia, and it ties in with the Pony Express.
This took me way longer to make than I would have liked. Speaking of which - do you like?
Right after the game, my friend and I thought it would be funny to put on Twitter that he and his girlfriend (whom was sitting beside him) had broken up. Not even a minute after posting it via my lovely iPhone (it’s just a 3G, not a 3GS – don’t H8), each of their phones were blowing up. Followers Friends on Twitter asked for details and offered denials. It was amazing.
Okay, I guess the bulk of this post was about the Pony Express after all.
(Sorry Sue about all the damage control, but remember what I do is in the name of comedy, whether people find it funny or not!)
No wonder Twitter Bird is so fast!
Worth 1002 Words… Effing Gross Edition
Dinty Less
Some alternates:
- Canned Laughter
- Chef Boy-are-deez-teeth?
- The Stuff
(Thanks Dave… no not really)
InASense, Lost… Pillows Reach New Lows
Um…
That’s all I could say after bearing witness to this product:
Gotta hand it to the inventor. Ha!
The Hug Me Pillow may be a sad find that sort of destroys my insides. But this may be sadder:
I kneed this. Ha again!
What has happened to the people that purchase these items? Some ideas:
- They’re so used to being with somebody, and they’re currently going through a rough patch.
- They’re so lonely that anything will do.
- They can’t find anybody because their fond of sleeping with these kinds of pillows. So win-win.
- They’re… um…
We need to introduce these two. But they can't sleep at the same time (competing styles, you see). They'd be like Ladyhawke!
I guess there could be worse pillows out there…
Oh, there's still worse...
Happy Find… Robot Party Because The Humans Are Dead?
In honor, anticipation, and fear of desperate loathing for next week’s release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, here are some of the film’s stars in what could quite possibly be the best robot song ever…
Vodpod videos no longer available.
more about “Happy Find… Robot Party“, posted with vodpod
Well, maybe that’s the second best. You be the judge.
(There are more tags than words in this post. Hee hee!)
Songs Burned In Our Brains From Grade School (A Musical Musings/My Boss Paul’s Top Five List Joint)
Ah, the good ol’ days. That’s what people say when they reflect upon their youth.
For my boss (and old friend) Paul and I, the good ol’ days in our Catholic grade school happened way before they were our good ol’ days, as evidenced by our textbooks. Most notably: our music class textbooks.
I know, I know… at least we had a music class. Nowadays, all of the arts are disappearing from our schools (for shame!), but that’s not what this post is about.
The fact of the matter was that we had crappy old text books and a music teacher that could barely play the one instrument she claimed to be able to play (the flute). Sure, it was unfortunate that she replaced the single greatest music teacher ever. (He played “Name That Tune” on the piano – and they were always theme songs!) The following list represents the worst of the songs we were taught… four oldies, one newie, and zero goodies.
Top 5 Songs Burned In Our Brains From Grade School
5. Little Boxes – Malvina Reynolds
Paul doesn’t really remember this one, hence it being placed at the bottom spot. I couldn’t forget it, and Weeds wouldn’t let me… until season 4 at least.
4. Du, du liegst mir im Herzen – German folk song
Paul refused to sing this song hence to him being xenophobic; but then again he refused to sing any of the songs. For me – it’s my 99 Luftballons.
3. Shortnin’ Bread – James Whitcome Riley
Paul despised (no, loathed!) this song. I didn’t remember it at first, but then it all came crashing back to me like a repressed memory.
2. God Bless the USA – Lee Greenwood
The only current-ish song on the list was also an exercise in irritation. We had to sing this at a recital, and as everyone knows – recitals blow. What’s worse is that we had to hold up signs that read Detroit when we sang that line. Because we lived in Detroit, oh say can you see.
1. Fender Bender – ?
This song presented a unique situation for us. For virtually nowhere on the TripleDoubleU, could we find ant reference to this song. The only proof that it ever existed arrived via a MySpace Forum. It the thread, a reference is made to the lyrics:
Fender bender, yeah yeah yeah!
The poster recalled the misspoken lyric:
Finger banger, yeah yeah yeah!
Which ceremoniously lead to the diddy being banned (band?) from music class. Thanks, Mack Danger, for the memory backup!
I wish we would have thought of "finger banger"...
In My Brain While Sleeping… Loud Noises, Where-Wolves, And A Bounty Hunter Makes A Correction Regarding His Name
Since this blog is an open book to all my weaknesses, it’s sorta turned into my (NERD ALERT!) Xavier Protocols. Of my weaknesses (vanilla-scented anything falls high on that list), loud noises while I sleep smacks near the top. On the night of these particular dreams, I fell asleep with the television on only to be awakened by a loud lawyer commercial.
Okay, it wasn’t that one, but imagine if the explosions were audible, then you’d get the picture.
Anyambulancechaser, in the first dream, I encountered a new breed of night creatures… the WHERE-WOLVES. How were they different than werewolves? Let me explain with a (NERD ALERT!) toy from the remake reboot whatever second Hulk movie:
You see, in the flick, which I have not seen, the dude on the right mutates into the monster on the left. This toy, called the Hulk Deluxe Mutating Abomination, does not mutate at all. Instead of either really mutating by adding water, or by simply imagining that it happens, the little guy fits into a compartment on the back of the big guy. Dumb? You bet.
Well that’s pretty much how where-wolves worked. Wolves merged with their host humans so both could exist. To recombine, humans hovered over the wolves. Now that you’ve pictured it, moving on…
My other dream involved a (NERD ALERT!) Star Wars character. Growing up, I knew this bounty hunter…
…as Zuckuss and this guy…
…as 4-LOM. But as it turned out, the original Kenner toy line had it wrong in the 80’s, and with the re-releases of the toys in the 90’s, they rectified the problem and named each of them correctly. To me though, Zuckuss will always be 4-LOM and 4-LOM will be Zuckuss. Until I was corrected in a dream. This guy…
…showed up to tell me his name really was Allen.
INGREDIENTS: Turkey and provolone on a bagel and a Mountain Dew. And beer.
monkeyBLOG monkeyDO 
