Video

Goin’ Down At South Park… Plus Bonus Creepy Thing!

Posted on by sgottahurt

If you’ve watched the last two episodes of “South Park,” you’re probably as baffled as I am.  It almost felt like a dream state in its level of confusion, but it tiptoed toward the nightmare of the possibility that the show might be losing it again (I consider the movie the relaunch of creativity).  Grant it – I did find aspects of the episode humorous, but as a whole, it left me unfulfilled.

From listening to Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s commentaries off past seasons’ DVD’s, and knowing that they shelf some ideas for later, I can only assume (<–that’s the devil’s word!) that it came out of this grab-bag of manatee balls:

There must be Peruvian flute bands all over California.  (Possibly the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, since that’s what the artwork looked like to me.)  Trey, Matt, and/or the remaining writing staff probably saw potential in these groups, and it was the germ for some kind of story.

That germ turned into a full blown virus when they found this website (again, a staff member might have already known about them – possibly owned some – but whatevs… the site is aww-inducing).  This “bit” probably was the only highlight aside of Craig’s recounting to the other boys how much everyone else hates them.

“Pandemic 2: The Startling” can be seen South Park Studios’ website.

For fans of creepy rodents on this Halloween, check this out:

This Guy Will Ruin Theme Songs For You Forever

Posted on by sgottahurt

Okay, so maybe not so much ruin them… But just as the dog’s mouth watered whenever Pavlov rang that bell, you will not NOT think of the words to these wordless scores ever again.  You’ve been warned…

Oh, and Happy Angel’s Night (says the guy who has to stay home and guard his house like he’s Kevin McCallister on Christmas).

His Jaws and Indy parodies are just as wicked.

The Good And The Bad Ugly

Posted on by sgottahurt

Here’s a quick one minute lesson…

Good Commercial:

(Reminds me of how my sister, Tammie, would spit her food in napkins and run to the bathroom to get rid of it when she was a kid… as an adult, she just spreads it out on her plate and yells, “All done!”)

Bad Ugly Commercial:

(This @#$% earworm makes me want to put a fork in my eyes and pull it out my ears!  Such rage!)

Animated X-Men Turns Fifteen, Meeting Me for Wine Coolers After School

Posted on by sgottahurt

As given away in this entries title, this week celebrates the fifteenth anniversary of X-Men: The Animated Series, yet there’s nary a DVD in the works containing all the seasons.  A few miniseries were released earlier this century (that sounds so long ago) as was the Juggernaut onto the TripleDoubleU (and deftly killed by the hackysack, Brett Ratner).

If not for Fox Cubs – I mean Kids – the show would have never seen the light of day (thanks Margaret Loesch!) 

Some other shows that thankfully might NOT have seen the light of day if not for Fox Kits – I mean Kids:

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: The Animated Series
Eek! The Cat
Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers (any version after Tommy became the White Ranger… and ALL COPYCATS…”Aye aye aye!”)
Incredible Crash Dummies
Terrible Thunderlizards
C Bear and Jamal
Godzilla: The Series
Toonsylvania
Kong: The Animated Series
Young Hercules
The Mr. Potato Head Show
& ugh… I’m done…

In closing – a fox pup licking ice cream:

It’s So Cold In 14J-4

Posted on by sgottahurt

Today disgraced Detroit mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, begins his 120-day jail sentence here (from the Freep):

Home sweet oh please get me outta here!
Oh no! Not graffiti on the mirror!

Considering I’m an actual citizen of Detroit, and since I’m technically paying for his stay with my tax dollars (I think I am – I really don’t know much about things like that), I suggest we do this: play this song on loop the entire four months.

Drunken Recollection… Movies of the Week Circa 1980

Posted on by sgottahurt

i’m not in as much pain as I was in last time, but on this eve of hops and barley, I’ve become deteremined to find the name of one, if not both, TV movies.

Let me interject my theory on the way the brain works.  I feel the best way to picture our memory is that it’s a warehouse full of boxes.  The older you grow, the more boxes you get.  There may be millions or billions, but basically, what it comes down to is which boxes you can access.  This determines, in part, your intelligence, or at least, your memory.

How I picture it is these boxes contain knowledge you’ve amassed through your life, but if the top is closed (due to alcohol, drugs, age, stress), it’s temporarily or perminently lost.  Why I say that is because sometimes you can send your synapses to look for something… and for the life of you, you know what it is but you can’t think of it… then days ly of this ater it pops in your head.

This is what I’m hoping for with these recollections.  ( I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense.)  I’m hoping I can trigger an answer.

The first flick I recalled was presumably named “The Vindicator,” but via IMDb, I discovered this film was a  “Robocop” clone.  What I remember about the movie was there was this guy who’s brother died in a car accident, so he souped up his truck with weapons (I remember a grapple hook most of all).  He set out to exact revenge against erratic drivers.  The very first catch he made with his hook was a man trying to get his pregnant wife to a hospital.

The second flick, well, that was easy.  I remembered one night in my youth, when I had a loose tooth about to fall out, this TV movie where a mentally challenged man was accused of hurting/killing a young girl, so he hid in a scarcrow.  They found him and killed him, but he returned from the dead or something.  IMDb did it’s job on this one: it’s called “Dark Night of the Scarecrow.”

I also found this on YouTube.  Thank heavens for the Internet – we don’t ever need to remember ever again.

If you have any inkling about the other movie, please give me a clue.

JusWondering… Red Vs. Blue (Phillies Vs. Rays)

Posted on by sgottahurt

UPDATE: Now with working video.

Last night, as I watched the end of Game 3 of the World Series between the Tampa Bay Rays and Philadelphia Phillies, I found myself further rooting for Tampa Bay, and I might have realized why.

At first, it was easy to root for them – they were playing against the dreaded Boston Red Sox for the Pennant.  Now grant it, there’s always going to be a special place at the top of my shit list for the New York Yankees, but Boston sure ain’t far behind.  That’s because of all Boston teams (well, the Bruins are kind of like their Lions).  They came close to winning three titles in the same year (the Sox and the Celtics did it), but the New York Giants stopped Brady’s Butt Pats in their tracks.  (Thanks, Eli!)

I want Detroit to be the sports capital – I want at least two of the three great teams here to win in the same year at least once (I’ve written you off Lions, ‘natch).  So as I watched the game, I thought I may have found a kindred spirit in Tampa Bay.  It’s a do-over for the Detroit Tigers, with the Philadelphia Phillies standing in for the St. Louis Cardinals.  They both made it to the World Series the after having recent last place seasons and they each beat the Big Bad Wolf in their way there (we knocked out the Yankees in the ALDS and swept the A’s in the ALCS!)

Then the next realization hit me like a foul ball (while eating a cheese pretzel) – the color scheme’s the same!  Red vs. Blue.  If the MLB brass had their druthers, their dream series of Boston vs. LA carried the same palette.

This got me wondering how often this happened in baseball… this Red vs. Blue pattern.  Then I digressed and remembered this gem:

…Then, I digressed beyond that and thought of two films I recently watched within a 24-hour period that followed the same pattern.  Enjoy!

(If you can’t watch this entire clip below, skip to 6:20 mark.)

Gary Busey R.O.C.K.S.

Posted on by sgottahurt

Dr. Drew used to be somewhat of a hero of mine. Along with Adam Carolla and the beautiful Diane Farr, he hosted one of the rare shows I used to watch on MTV called “Loveline.” The two nuggets of knowledge dropped on me that have stuck are:

1) If you’re prone to lockjaw ladies (presumably from stepping on rusty nails?), then there’s always the side slide. (Thanks to Julie Benz for that one, and her unforgetable pantomimed presentation! You know Julie currently from Showtime’s “Dexter” and “Rambo,” formerly from “Jawbreaker,” and always from my memories.)

2) If a girl talks with a squeaky voice as an adult, she was molested as a kid. Hilarious!

(SIDENOTE: Whatever happened to “BuzzKill,” MTV? Just because Dave, Frank, and Travis disrupted the beach house, it doesn’t mean they never existed!)

Dr. Drew’s latest endeavor is the second season of Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Gary Busey’s in it, and he R.O.C.K.S. (Really Opens Cans of Kickass Seriously)

Here’s a sneak peek at the wisdom he’s there to share (a Busey-ism, if you will… cuz he does):

The word S.O.B.E.R… that stands for Son Of a Bitch, Everything’s Real

Click here for video. (From VH1)

If that’s not working, this is an equal treat:

“My Best Friend’s Front Door Is My Pants Zipper” Beat Around The Bush Too Much, New Title More To The Point

Posted on by sgottahurt

Test markets always like things simplified, so Comedy Central’s comedy website, Atom, has premiered “My Best Friend is My Penis.”

Test markets are also simple, so the tale of a man and his friendly penis fits the bill nicely.  (What also fits nicely: hands in pants pockets.  What fits even more nicely: I’ll be nice and not say.)

Costars (or should I say co-people-you-might-recognize) Jonathan Togo (of David Caruso’s, I mean, CBS’s “CSI:Miami”) and Will Carlough (of my realized dreams of what rapping is, can, will, and should be all about) stated in a news release:

We aimed to pick up where movies such as “Waiting to Exhale” and “Steel Magnolias” left off… Somehow we ended up with a guy with a talking penis… This special buddy comedy takes a look at the crazy things that happen when your best friend is really your penis — including major dating issues.

Your journey into all that is “My Best Friend is My Penis” begins here. 

WARNING: Graphic content, as they do show his “penis.”

The TV show premiers on Comedy Central’s Atom TV December 8.

(From IMDb.)

JusWondering… Size Matters Was Buried Beyond Pet Sematary

Posted on by sgottahurt

I just finished watching the latest episode of “South Park” entitled “Pandemic” (watch the full episode here).

To quickly sum up: Peruvian Flute Bands have become a pandemic, and in the traditional “South Park” fashion, things get overblown and out of control, and a new evil is unleashed on the world.  It’s in the ending of the episode that I lost it.

A few days ago, I posted this about the insufficiently examined concept of size of the “evil one” in horror films affecting the level of fear it produces.  Without giving the episode’s ending away, I referred to something similar to the reveal in the final act.

Seeing that reminded me I didn’t delve into the other end of the spectrum: too big is not scary.  Sure Godzilla can crush our house beneath his feet, and King Kong can pick his teeth with our ribs, but we see them as ominous by default.  There’s a sense of hopelessness, not panic – a main ingrediant in fear.

Take Peter Jackson’s “King Kong”: the ape himself was not terrifying (in fact, he was the prima(te)ry love interest).  Nor were the T-rex’s outrightly so.  But those giant insects… and the face-hugger things in the pit… although they were CGI-done-right, they wer able to get the skin crawling.

Now imagine King Kong as 48 inches tall.  He waits in the corner of your basement.  You flick on the lights, and see his scarred face.  He launches at you, roaring.  You scramble up the staircase with him only a stair or two behind you.  His long arms missing you by inches.  He’s big enough to be a manageable threat (as opposed to a two-foot tall King Kong you can keep away with a chair… or a Swiffer or something), and that’s what causes that special kind of anxiety.

Now why not six-foot tall… or eight or ten, you ask?  I believe it’s because my brain considers the possibility that it’s a man in costume.  That’s why four-foot tall works, because at best, that giant Gremlin or tiny Godzilla is an adolescent or preteen in costume.  I can see an adult going loco, but a middle-schooler?

In closing: babies and little kids aren’t scary (depending on who you ask I guess) because of their size, adults are lame, and awkward ten, eleven, and twelve year olds are the root source of our nightmares.  (Perchance we remember too well…)

(EXCLUSION TO THE SIZE MATTERS: the homicidal kid in “Pet Sematary” is kinda creepy, but nowhere near as revolting as the adult sister in bed.)