Many months back, I wrote a post about the uncanny valley. I’m beginning to think that it’s becoming an uncanny canyon. Japan, the forerunners on creepy, have been working hard to do just that – mess with your mind. The following videos might not make you think of anything more than the Hall of Presidents at Walt Disney World or the Rock-a-Fire Explosion at ShowBiz (seriously… check the Rock-a-Fire out), but remember one thing… when the ride broke down, the pirates didn’t try to eat you! Because they’re attached to the floor, you see.
From the movies, there were Luke Skywalker and Han SoloIndiana Jones
And from TV, there were Alex P. Keaton, Mike Seaver, and Zack Morris
Because of my heroes from the Tigers, I’ve always felt at home in the outfield or behind home plate. Because of Luke and Indy, I learned to stand up for what’s right, and still do, whether if it’s my friends (and the galaxy far, far away) that are in trouble or if there’s an artifact that belongs in a museum.
But with TV – that glorious, nuturing glass nipple – I’m not sure if everything’s the same.
I was a Conservative Republican in my youth because of Marty McFly Alex P. Keaton. Not only was President Reagan keeping us “safe” from global nuclear disaster, Michael J. Fox’s character on Family Ties knew a thing or two about money… and what kid doesn’t like money? Since then, I’ve become more of a political moderate, and money is not the end all I thought it once was (I can get candy and toys whenever I want, you see).
Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...
While I looked up to Mike Seaver, I never got into The Boss or harassed either of my sisters into anorexia like he did. I’m not sure what I admired him for except for his confidence (and his MILF… and his WILF), but it sure as hell wasn’t his beliefs…
When it comes to Zack Morris, it’s a little bit different, though. We were both in high school at the same time. He was a likable kid that couldn’t quite get the cool and pretty Kelly Kapowski. I was going through the same thing in my mind life with a girl I had a crush on.
But how is he different from Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis, one might ask? My response: he was believable. Zack Morris, even with his time-outs and asides, seemed like a kid you could know, and the credit for that goes to Mark-Paul Gosselaar. That’s why whenever he gets more chances to move on in his career, I applaud him, like when he was in NYPD Blue or in Raising the Bar, or last night on…
I apologize for posting another video (as if I don’t post beaucoup devidz anyway), but the post I was working on started changing and growing from what I initially imagined (don’t worry – it will still be less than superb). I need to be somewhere else soon, plus I want to allow the other idea to ferment a little longer, so here’s my gift to you (via Tosh.0):
I was just discussing with my boss Paul that there needs to be a new literal video. Universe asked… message received… dascottjr delivered.
I loved the previous creations by Dusto McNeato. Check out his works here and here. Although I feel the vocals are a bit better in his takes, you have to admit that Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart is ripe for the pickin’, and pick away they do.
Personally, I prefer Andy Samberg and “Neil Diamond” singing about guys walking away from explosions like they just don’t care. Kind of like I did from the hot mess that was the MTV Movie Awards.
When I begin to investigate the nature of something which I do not initially understand, I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for the unexpected. As is the case with the concept of furries, I took a deeper breath, and held onto it for dear life. Who knew what I’d find.
To begin, allow me to share what prompted this study (via AOTS):
Whenever someone goes to painstaking lengths (I say painstaking because I’m lazy, you see) to create, um, a recreation of this calibre for no real reason, my curiosity is peaked. Why would anybody make their own version of Dick in a Box for one? For two – why as anthropomorphic animals?
Immediately, I went to the best source of all truth and accuracy on the web – Mr. Wikipedia himself. And right off the bat, I was amazed to discover what I understood about furries was completely off. I’ll get to that in a second.
My opinions had changed because my perception had been changed:
Originally, I had believed that all furries were sexual in nature and creepy in general, and my reaction to the above videos was not cast in a favorable light. But according to Ms. Wikipedia (I changed my mind about the site’s gender as well, because she’s always right), I learned this:
Many members of the furry community feel that the overly sexual component gives the rest of them a bad name, and may use the derogatory term “furvert” to describe such people…
The term “yiff” is most commonly used to indicate sexual activity or sexual material within the fandom—this applies to sexual activity and interaction within the subculture whether online (in the form of cybersex) or offline…
Most furry fans claim that these media portrayals are misconceptions, while the recent coverage focuses on debunking myths and stereotypes that have come to be associated with the furry fandom…
So as it turns out, those videos aren’t sexual in nature. They’re just creepy in general.
(I’m kidding, of course, because who am I to judge. Do you realize how difficult it is to type with paws?)
I’m speechless. You just need to watch this video. Quite possibly the best spoof and satire ever captured in 2:45 minutes. I’ve spent about 24:50 minutes rewatching it.
I'm sad because I can't spell, and I don't know if there was ever a sequel.
When “my boss” Paul was just “my friend” in our youth, he was a music fanatic. He followed trends and made his own version of Billboard magazine. That all stopped around 1996. You can tell by the CD case he keeps in his car.
5. Macarena – Los Del Rio Per Paul: “C’mon, you know you danced to it when it came out in the mid 90’s. It’s hard to find five good songs, so here it sits.”
4. La Bamba – Los Lobos Per Paul: “Slightly hipper version of the 50’s classic from an awesome movie. Not my Richie, Bob. Not Richie.” Per me: Can you say a movie about a plane crash is awesome? But then again, I’d say LOST is awesome, so there.
3. Rock Me Amadeus – Falco Per Paul: “Sad that Falco dies in a car crash awhile back. I actually like the remixed radio version better than the original, but it’s hard to find. Probably THE best song in history about a dead music composer.”
1. Sadeness Part 1 – Enigma Per Paul: “Gregorian chants and a sexy female background vocal make this my number one. [Natch – Ed.] Also, it was featured later on in a nude scene from Boxing Helena featuring the hot store clerk from Christmas Vacation – Nicolette Scorsese.” Per me: I was going to apologize for putting the graphic at the top which gave this entry away, but I instead I’ll say this: I need to see Boxing Helena.
Sometimes I wish I could remember every dream I had, because the ones that I do… whew boy! Where do they come from?
Last night was no exception.
If there was going to be a visual mash-up of ideas, it’d be best represented by this:
Something something America! AKA Freudians have fun!
Using the above graphic you should be able to ascertain the elements involved… so here’s the gist of the dream.
There was a grouping of triplets (is that how you’d refer to them?), and they were preparing to set a new Guinness World Record. Grant it, the triplets in the dream were burnout dudes, but I figured why not put the Dahm sisters up because of their, um, patriotism.
The new record they were setting to create? Who could stay the longest at the bottom of an active volcano. The location they chose was Hawaii. The seat of choice was their old green sofa. The method they chose to pass the time was getting high.
The world was watching, they set the record, and became overnight celebrities. They even ended up releasing an album with Kid Rock.
I wish I could tell you how long they stayed in the volcano, or that I could regale you with an anecdote of how the brothers lit their joints on molten lava, but I remember none of that.
What I do remember was the commemorative license plate they offered in the fine state of Hawaii:
(Fairly) Artistic Representation... I'm getting better at this stuff if I do say so myself
INGREDIENTS: Four pints of $2 Guinness. And water.
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