Music

In My Brain While Sleeping… Camping Is Not A Good Time For Nightmares

Posted on by sgottahurt

This post could have easily turned into a Drunken Recollection, considering the amount of beers downed over my time camping.  As I explained to my sister, when I was on a cruise, I had documentation of how quickly I could finish a drink: every 15 minutes.  She didn’t believe me, so she checked the clock on her phone and timed me.  I didn’t rush.  I casually chatted and played ladder golf.  11 minutes.  I’m not proud.  Well, maybe a little.

Anylowenbrau, both nights while in my tent, I was awakened with a start.  Was it the booze?  Was it the location?  Who cares knows, but both dealt with unstoppable killers.

The first night’s dream started off okay.  It featured the lovely Julie Bowen.

julie_bowen-edit

I tried. She changed her number.

Sure, she was breaking up with me, but I was keeping calm.  I remember saying, “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t still love me.”  And she couldn’t.  So WIN!

Somebody was trying to interview me about my latest book, and we kept trying to move to quieter areas in the nightclub.  Eventually, we were in the alley, where my car was parked.  The trunk was open, and a sewer portal was running through it.

The interviewer spotted a mining cap and pick axe and reached for it.  I warned him not too, and that’s when this guy appeared:

sewerguy

Pote Snitkin cleans up pretty nice.

At least that’s the closest approximation of the horror that chased me.  And he would not stop.  At one point, I was on a roof top, and as he darted at me, he ran into a wall and fell over the side of the building.

Feeling safe, I proceeded to climb down the ladder not far from his crushed face and distorted body.  As I neared the ground, he smiled and started sitting up.  I woke up immediately.

The next night, my cousin’s stepson was telling me about this video showing the ghost of Michael Jackson.  People that know me and/or keep up on this site know how I feel about ghosts.  But I was determined not to let a ten year old see my eyes well up.  Luckily, upon returning home, I discovered this explanation of the “phenomenon”:

But it still didn’t help the fact that the second night, I had a dream I was driving around at night and saw a bunch of people running in the streets.  Cars were hitting people and they were flying everywhere.  I saw the UPS guy that brings PC deliveries to our office get struck, so I stopped my car to check on him.  As I did, a big zombie burly guy in a jump suit appeared behind me and shanked me – another one of my greatest fears.

This dream woke me in the middle of the night.  I had to pee, but I had no flashlight.  I went anyway.  It proves I’m a big boy.  I can handle anything.

Except MJ’s ghost…

Not good timing, at all...

Not good timing, at all...

Awful Battle… Tragic Love Stories

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ah, true love.  Does it really exist?  Is it simply a term to describe a reaction of gurgling chemicals and snapping pheromones?  Is it phenomenon that only occurs when soul mates find each other? 

The governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, certainly believes in it.  You know this guy… he disappeared for a few days and spent them with a woman other than his wife.  Chemicals and pheromones?  Soul mates reuniting?

His words:

This [relationship with Maria Chapur] was a whole lot more than a simple affair, this was a love story. A forbidden one, a tragic one, but a love story at the end of the day. (NYTimes.com 6/30/2009)

And:

I will be able to die knowing that I had met my soul mate [Chapur]. But it was one of those things, I knew the cost. (Associated Press 6/30/2009)

Hopefully these two videos can offer up some answers.  The first video falls a little more in the chemicals/pheromones camp, and it captures the lust of that definition of true love.  The second video is the greatest expression of what happens when two soul mates lose each other.

In all actuality, no they don’t.  This is an AWFUL BATTLE… GO!

SIDE NOTE: The next video is a little long, but once you get the gist of the first five minutes (it’s a love story to himself… he smiles every time the song mentions it… hmm, I wonder why she left you?), skip to the 5:00 minute mark for the finale.  Priceless!

In My Brain While Sleeping… A Trio Of Deliriums

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t even know if there’s an interest in the strange things I dream about, but it’s my blog and I can cry write about it if I want to.  I look at it mostly as the catalog I always meant to keep, but um, now do.

Over all the years, and even the months of this site, I know many odd and wondrous things have slipped through the cracks.  I collect here those that made it past the brain fade into oblivion, or the ones I care to share, which honestly are almost all… For example, I exclude those that are merely half ideas or lack narratives, like the dream where I had a motorcycle again (whoo hoo) or owned a gun that was combined with a bullhorn (a loudener, if you will).

For the sake of avoiding specifics on these dreams, I simply made montages.  In one case, it’s a Montag.

DELIRIUM 1

elephantdream

INGREDIENTS: Penn & Teller, two elephants (one pictured), a giant spatula, and buckets of fake blood.  It was one of their acts.  It was initially horrifying, then not so much so.

DELIRIUM 2

ocarinadream2

 

INGREDIENTS: Well, more of an explanation is needed here… there was this baby that had oily (pre-acne) skin, and depending upon how you touched the infant’s back, the child would make musical note sounds like an ocarina.  So as you held the baby in your arms, instead of crying, you heard elevator music, or the stylings of Kenny G.

DELIRIUM 3

speididream

INGREDIENTS: Spencer and Heidi Pratt and the cast of Kappa Mikey.  Man, those two don’t know the meaning of the word overexposure… and yes, they were in this cartoon.

OVERALL INGREDIENTS FOR DELIRIUMS (OR DELERIA, IF YOU PREFER): Velveeta cheese after beer and Pizza Rolls before beer.

Further Proof That America (And YouTube) Rocks!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I first discovered this kid’s YouTube channel, Pruane2Forever, via the always hilarious site, FilmDrunk.

Often attacked, but never backing down, Pruane2Forever gives his insights and opinions on pop culture and the world around us.  Occasionally, he even makes a film himself.

On this Fourth of July, as I sit in my living room listening to what I hope is fireworks, but actually believe is gunfire (because it happened once, and it sounded like a gun… yay Detroit!), let’s celebrate the awesomeness this country.  It’s a place where a kid from Canada can astutely comment on one of the most famous rappers in the world, and ultimately get to meet him.  The first half of the vid is their shout-out, and the second half is his original post.

America… FUCK YEAH!

(My Boss) Paul’s Top Five List… Michael Jackson Cartoon Clips

Posted on by sgottahurt

Tact is not in my boss Paul’s vocabulary.  It wasn’t even when while we are friends.  In memory of Michael Jackson, here’s some of his favorite depictions… from two shows.

Top 5 Michael Jackson Cartoon Clips

5. South Park
Blanket can fly, “That’s ignorant,” and who has whose nose?

4. Family Guy
The dancer, the legend, and his crotch.

3. Family Guy
Captain EO is “coming right at me!”

2. South Park
“I’d like to show you my wishing tree!”

1. South Park
“You’re so awesome, Mr. Jefferson!  I’ve got time, do you?”

My Thoughts On Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen… In Photoshop

Posted on by sgottahurt

Revenge of the Fail, indeed. To blame the voice actors... tsk-tsk, Mr. Directors.

Revenge of the Fail, indeed. To blame the voice actors... tsk-tsk, Mr. Directors.

JusWondering… Do The Kids Even Know What A Record Scratch Is Anymore?

Posted on by sgottahurt

There’s a commercial that plays here in Detroit which uses the record scratch sound to express a shock.   I can’t recall the product or manufacturer to present an example, but for those of you born in the *gulp* 90’s, the sound occurs at the 0:52 mark in this excellent mash-up:

iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?

iTod Meet Coaster Spinner With Weird Arm Thingee?

And I’m being serious here.  Why would any modern advertisement resort to such an out-dated cliche?  I’m sure the writers thought they were being funny (as I often do and fail miserably), but a record scratch?  A RECORD SCRATCH?

Here’s some other things I’ve been JusWondering about:

1) In the song, Only Wanna Be With You, does Hootie cry about the Miami Dolphins, or about “the dolphins” in general (since he’s friends with “the Blowfish,” you see)?

2) Is l33t speak still called that?  Because it seems kinda like that term’s jumped the shark?

3) Has the term jumped the shark nuked the fridge?

4) Is it just me, or shouldn’t She’s a Beauty totally be a song by Chicago or at least Peter Cetera, instead of The Tubes?  It should have been in Mannequin, too.  (Was it in that?)

Kim Cattrall's finest performance

Kim Cattrall’s stiffest performance

5) Much ballyhoo has been made about Conan O’Brien being a neophyte in L.A., but didn’t he live there when he wrote for The Simpsons?  (Boom!  Research!  He lived there when he wrote for HBO’s Not Necessarily the News… No specifics on his home whilst he was on his Homer bender, but I’m still pretty sure he was at least in Hollywood.  Turn that ballyhoo into boo!)

Joyous Find… Auto-Tune The News (And The Gregory Brothers)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Someone check the definition for "brothers" please...

Someone check the definition for "brothers" please...

It’s been a short while since I’ve stumbled across something on the TripleDoubleU that’s compable of consuming massive amounts of my time.  Congrats to The Gregory Brothers for doing just that. 

(SIDENOTE: The group includes a sister, just like how it is with the Warner Brothers – Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, yet I suspect they are not really related, just like how it is with The Ramones.  But Kings of Leon are all brothers, which I didn’t initially believe, so who knows?  Sarah’s the sister-in-law, married to Evan, oldest brother of Andrew and Michael.  Boom!  Reasearch!) 

Together, they have encompassed a great portion of my weekend by being fantastic on so many levels.

First off – they are talented as all get up.  Not just a little get up, or a medium amount of get up – all of it.

Second off – they’re funny as heck.  Okay, “heck” might not be as funny as the word “poop,” but I’m not putting that word in any sentence about them.  Erm…

Okay, so many levels that include only two, but they’re huge levels, right?

I found out about them through Warming Glow (thanks!) after a post showing this video:

Incredible, right?  It skewers auto-tuning, the news in general, and the current state of politics, and still manages to be a good song.  Not a classic song per se, but beyond textured for a comedy bit.

After watching the first four auto-tuned news reports on their YouTube channel Schmoyoho amongst other earlier outings, I dove into their Facebook and MySpace pages and was surprised to find they were serious musicians (I really like Butter On My Roll, but who am I kidding… it’s all great.).  That elevated their level of a shout out on this page from general to specific.  That doesn’t just happen for everyone.

Too bad the 25% of the band that’s “babe” is already spoken for.  I love women that can sing.  Sarah, if you ever get bored with Evan and are looking for a blogger that tries to be funny on a daily basis, comment on my site and I’ll respond!  Srsly, I will comment right back on this blog!  (Pourquoi est il que les amours m’échappe?)

Happy Find… Robot Party Because The Humans Are Dead?

Posted on by sgottahurt

In honor, anticipation, and fear of desperate loathing for next week’s release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, here are some of the film’s stars in what could quite possibly be the best robot song ever…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Happy Find… Robot Party“, posted with vodpod

 

Well, maybe that’s the second best.  You be the judge.

(There are more tags than words in this post.  Hee hee!)

Songs Burned In Our Brains From Grade School (A Musical Musings/My Boss Paul’s Top Five List Joint)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Ah, the good ol’ days.  That’s what people say when they reflect upon their youth.  

For my boss (and old friend) Paul and I, the good ol’ days in our Catholic grade school happened way before they were our good ol’ days, as evidenced by our textbooks.  Most notably: our music class textbooks. 

I know, I know… at least we had a music class.  Nowadays, all of the arts are disappearing from our schools (for shame!), but that’s not what this post is about.

The fact of the matter was that we had crappy old text books and a music teacher that could barely play the one instrument she claimed to be able to play (the flute).  Sure, it was unfortunate that she replaced the single greatest music teacher ever.  (He played “Name That Tune” on the piano – and they were always theme songs!)  The following list represents the worst of the songs we were taught… four oldies, one newie, and zero goodies.

Top 5 Songs Burned In Our Brains From Grade School

5. Little Boxes – Malvina Reynolds
Paul doesn’t really remember this one, hence it being placed at the bottom spot.  I couldn’t forget it, and Weeds wouldn’t let me… until season 4 at least.

4. Du, du liegst mir im Herzen – German folk song
Paul refused to sing this song hence to him being xenophobic; but then again he refused to sing any of the songs.  For me – it’s my 99 Luftballons.

3. Shortnin’ Bread – James Whitcome Riley
Paul despised (no, loathed!) this song.  I didn’t remember it at first, but then it all came crashing back to me like a repressed memory.

2. God Bless the USA – Lee Greenwood
The only current-ish song on the list was also an exercise in irritation.  We had to sing this at a recital, and as everyone knows – recitals blow.  What’s worse is that we had to hold up signs that read Detroit when we sang that line.  Because we lived in Detroit, oh say can you see.

1. Fender Bender – ? 
This song presented a unique situation for us.  For virtually nowhere on the TripleDoubleU, could we find ant reference to this song.  The only proof that it ever existed arrived via a MySpace Forum.  It the thread, a reference is made to the lyrics:

Fender bender, yeah yeah yeah!

The poster recalled the misspoken lyric:

Finger banger, yeah yeah yeah!

Which ceremoniously lead to the diddy being banned (band?) from music class.  Thanks, Mack Danger, for the memory backup!

I wish we would have thought of "finger banger"...

I wish we would have thought of "finger banger"...