InASense Lost

InASense, Lost… Super Inappropriate Squirt Guns And Bonus Grossness

Posted on by sgottahurt

In the spirit of all things summer-y, I thought I’d whip out this classic gem of a toy (maybe I shouldn’t have said whip out).  Despite it pissing your parents off for creating quite a mess, the Oozinator may be the worst thing aimed at kids ever (maybe I shouldn’t have said aimed at kids).  Even the acting is highly inappropriate.  Things to take note of in this commercial (and quickly forget): the way the gun has to be charged and the reaction shots to getting blasted.

Okay, so maybe the Oozinator’s not the absolute worst in product design:

batmansquirtgunsmallqt1

BONUS GROSSNESS!

There are two words that I cannot hear without instantly being grossed out: cyst and polyp.  Add this video to the mix.  Believe you me, I’d rather watch 100 clips of girls and guys and single cups and broken bottles and egg chutes (well maybe not), than the entirety of the following footage ever again.

InASense, Lost… Commercials For Quote-Unquote Religions

Posted on by sgottahurt

I remember being a lad of about 29 years old, and I finally gathered the nerve to ask my mom, “Where do babies come from?”

I often think back to my childhood, and remember Saturday mornings as a kid.  Rolling out of bed from underneath my taped together Garbage Pail Kid posters.  Grabbing a box of Cocoa Krispies and the biggest bowl I could handle.  Turning on the TV without a remote control because we had none.  Zoning out to crappy yet awesome cartoons and the commercials that sold me on Transformers and Star Wars and Centurions and M.A.S.K. with little to no effort.  Then there would come along one of these ads:

Granted, it’s not one of the most heartwarming, but very often, they’d catch me by surprise and effect me on a personal level.  Gee, maybe I should help my neighbor shovel the snow instead of throwing snowballs at them from my fort, I might consider.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that it was a COMMERCIAL FOR A RELIGION!  If I wasn’t born and raised Roaming Recovering Roman Catholic, seeing Jesus H. Christ’s name up there might have been a red alert, but I was, so it didn’t.  (Also, I wasn’t raised in a way that told me we were the only ones that were right, so at least I had that going for me.)

So now this little vid is making it’s way around the web.  I recieved it via a link in an email from frequent idea spurner Dave, and I watched it in similar wonder to the old LSD, er, I mean LDS commercials.  It was beautiful, and in fact made me happy to be alive.  Damn YouTube and their header captions:

I guess what I’m saying is it’s much more effective than this old thang:

In other words, how can so many inches of Tom Cruise can be wrong?  (My guess: 60 of his 67…)

InASense, Lost… Pillows Reach New Lows

Posted on by sgottahurt

Um…

That’s all I could say after bearing witness to this product:

hugmepillow

Gotta hand it to the inventor. Ha!

The Hug Me Pillow may be a sad find that sort of destroys my insides.  But this may be sadder:

I kneed this. Ha again!

I kneed this. Ha again!

 What has happened to the people that purchase these items?  Some ideas:

  • They’re so used to being with somebody, and they’re currently going through a rough patch.
  • They’re so lonely that anything will do.
  • They can’t find anybody because their fond of sleeping with these kinds of pillows.  So win-win.
  • They’re… um…
We need to introduce these two. But they can't sleep at the same time (competing styles, you see). They'd be like Ladyhawke!

We need to introduce these two. But they can't sleep at the same time (competing styles, you see). They'd be like Ladyhawke!

 I guess there could be worse pillows out there…

Oh, there's still worse...

Oh, there's still worse...

InASense, Lost… Zack Morris And I Used To Be Friends… Were To!

Posted on by sgottahurt

I had several idols growing up…

  • From the Detroit Tigers, there were Champ Summers and Lance Parrish
  • From the movies, there were Luke Skywalker and Han Solo Indiana Jones
  • And from TV, there were Alex P. Keaton, Mike Seaver, and Zack Morris

Because of my heroes from the Tigers, I’ve always felt at home in the outfield or behind home plate.  Because of Luke and Indy, I learned to stand up for what’s right, and still do, whether if it’s my friends (and the galaxy far, far away) that are in trouble or if there’s an artifact that belongs in a museum. 

But with TV – that glorious, nuturing glass nipple – I’m not sure if everything’s the same. 

I was a Conservative Republican in my youth because of Marty McFly Alex P. Keaton.  Not only was President Reagan keeping us “safe” from global nuclear disaster, Michael J. Fox’s character on Family Ties knew a thing or two about money… and what kid doesn’t like money?  Since then, I’ve become more of a political moderate, and money is not the end all I thought it once was (I can get candy and toys whenever I want, you see).

Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...

Not a mug shot... Although he's in court...

While I looked up to Mike Seaver, I never got into The Boss or harassed either of my sisters into anorexia like he did.  I’m not sure what I admired him for except for his confidence (and his MILF… and his WILF), but it sure as hell wasn’t his beliefs…

When it comes to Zack Morris, it’s a little bit different, though.  We were both in high school at the same time.  He was a likable kid that couldn’t quite get the cool and pretty Kelly Kapowski.  I was going through the same thing in my mind life with a girl I had a crush on. 

But how is he different from Ferris Bueller or Parker Lewis, one might ask?  My response: he was believable.  Zack Morris, even with his time-outs and asides, seemed like a kid you could know, and the credit for that goes to Mark-Paul Gosselaar.  That’s why whenever he gets more chances to move on in his career, I applaud him, like when he was in NYPD Blue or in Raising the Bar, or last night on…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

 

Never mind.

InASense, Lost… Furries (The If’s, And’s, & Yiff’s)

Posted on by sgottahurt

(UPDATE: Check out pic at the end.)

When I begin to investigate the nature of something which I do not initially understand, I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for the unexpected.  As is the case with the concept of furries, I took a deeper breath, and held onto it for dear life.  Who knew what I’d find.

To begin, allow me to share what prompted this study (via AOTS):

Whenever someone goes to painstaking lengths (I say painstaking because I’m lazy, you see) to create, um, a recreation of this calibre for no real reason, my curiosity is peaked.  Why would anybody make their own version of Dick in a Box for one?  For two – why as anthropomorphic animals?

Immediately, I went to the best source of all truth and accuracy on the web – Mr. Wikipedia himself.  And right off the bat, I was amazed to discover what I understood about furries was completely off.  I’ll get to that in a second.

My opinions had changed because my perception had been changed:

Originally, I had believed that all furries were sexual in nature and creepy in general, and my reaction to the above videos was not cast in a favorable light.  But according to Ms. Wikipedia (I changed my mind about the site’s gender as well, because she’s always right), I learned this:

Many members of the furry community feel that the overly sexual component gives the rest of them a bad name, and may use the derogatory term “furvert” to describe such people…

The term “yiff” is most commonly used to indicate sexual activity or sexual material within the fandom—this applies to sexual activity and interaction within the subculture whether online (in the form of cybersex) or offline…

Most furry fans claim that these media portrayals are misconceptions, while the recent coverage focuses on debunking myths and stereotypes that have come to be associated with the furry fandom…

So as it turns out, those videos aren’t sexual in nature.  They’re just creepy in general. 

(I’m kidding, of course, because who am I to judge.  Do you realize how difficult it is to type with paws?)

He should have been an Ewok.

He should have been an Ewok.

InASense, Lost… Tricky Beavers, Horny Money, and Fuzzy Nudes (Need I Say More?)

Posted on by sgottahurt

This happened on a news broadcast here in Detroit.  I don’t know how someone pulled the wool over the network brass’ eyes (or whatever the furry dam-building creature’s pelt is called), or if someone genuinely possesses that name (doubt it would be filmed if that were true), but I won’t spoil the joke:

I’m glad no one at Channel 4 was so uptight to exclude the shout-out, on the off-chance it is real.  That usual uppity highbrow mentality keeps cool commercials like this one out of the good ol’ U.S. of T&A:

But on theother hand, our Puritanical ways keep weird shit like this from happening on TV, too:

BONUS UNCOMFORTABLE WEIRDNESS: Click here.

(thanks again to Chris and Dave)

InASense, Lost… Macrophilia (Yep, It’s Sexual)

Posted on by sgottahurt

Will wonders never cease?  As in, “I wonder how this fetish developed?”

Allow me to introduce MACROPHILIA to your lexicon.  It’s not what you think.  Or it’s exactly what you think.  Anything philia usually has to deal with makin’ whoopie (sorry, now that I have cable, I’ve skimmed past an episode of the Newlywed Game, hosted by Carnie Wilson for some reason).  And macro means big, so volia!

Weird, right?

Weird, right?

Apparently, there’s a portion of men that get excited at the prospect of being stepped on by a giant woman.  Want more proof, check out this kind of NSFW site.  It’s partially about dominance, partially about foot fetishism, and partially about voreaphilia (geez!), but it’s totally… odd.

As for where the fetish originated in older gents?

Oooweee! I wish she'd step on me!

Oooweee! I wish she'd step on me!

And for future generations?

Oooweee! I hope only 'she' steps on me!

Oooweee! I hope only 'she' steps on me!

(via Atom)

InASense, Lost… “Hi, My Name Is Sean, And I’m A Webaholic”

Posted on by sgottahurt

In deciding between calling myself a netaholic or a webaholic, it was only then that I realized the similarities between a “net” and a “web,” and I wondered if such naming was on purpose, but I digress…

Allow me to reiterate.  I.  Am.  Addicted.  To the TripleDoubleU.  (I was tired of using these “.” for a moment.)

I’d like to blame it on the stock market crashing and I will.

See, I work in IT, and just like how a stripper doesn’t enjoy bringing her work home (maybe that was a bad example), I wasn’t too keen on doing much on the web once I got home.  I had five blogs I regularly read, and I played on the Hollywood Stock Exchange (my user name is TakeOne if interested).  Otherwise I did banking and billing (and occasional drunk purchases on Amazon or DeepDiscount).

But when the market crashed and EVERYONE panicked, my company’s clients held their breath and stopped calling, and I was suddenly left with a lot of free time on my hands.  I never got into MyBook or FaceSpace, so I started checking out this whole blogging thing.  Voila!  MonkeyBlogMonkeyDo was born.

But now I’m in a bit of a crisis.  Over the last six months, I’ve kinda developed a needto be online.  First off, I have way more than five blogs to read on a daily basis.  Plus I have two (and sometimes more if I feel like it) of my own to tend to.  Throw in my recent crippling desire to Twitter, and it’s borderline unbearable.  For example, how am I supposed to watch TV and DVD’s without a functioning laptop on top of my lap (functioning = online).

Where the major crisis stems from is the fact that the neighbor’s wifi I’ve been “borrowing” seems to have been cancelled.  I believe this started April 1st, and I’m beginning to lose my mind.

I live in Detroit, and my only option for a provider is Comcast, and I can’t stand Comcast (although I do love their new commercials).  So here I sit.  Writing this blog.  Using dial-up.

Maybe I need to get this (click here to take you to the site because I couldn’t post it via dial-up!):

The Innernette! It all fits on one CD!

The Innernette! It all fits on one CD!

 Also, I feel a kindred spirit in last season’s South Park episode, “Over Logging.”  If you haven’t seen it, check it out here.  Just be warned – there is a very gross scene that even Trey Parker couldn’t believe they got away with putting on TV.

Okay, sure, maybe I’m just being whiny, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t find it fair that no one else but Comcast has upgraded lines in my area to give us consumers some options. 

…mjusayin…

InASense, Lost… When Food And Robots (Plus Dinosaurs And Village People) Combine

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have suddenly and not-so-inexplicably become obsessed with something from my youth.  No, it’s not the Sesame Street Playset that I accidentally won on eBay (and will be giving to my brother for his upcoming birthday – glad he doesn’t read this blog, even though I always ask him to!)

It’s even better than that:

I completely forgot about them!  And in doing research to try to find out more about the robots-in-disfries, I stumbled upon these guys and was further surprised:

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

McDino Changeables?  Isn’t that going a little bit too far?

But how could I ever forget this crew:

They're like the Village People of fast food.

They're like the Village People of fast food.

I don’t know what’s been going on lately other than I haven’t been drinking as much (which I wrecktified last night), so I have a hard time falling asleep (which is probably a bad thing on a whole bunch of different levels).

Whatever this nostalgia malady is all about, I hope it ends soon.

…I just bid on some McDino Changeables…

InASense, Lost… Herpes On The Rise Due To Game?

Posted on by sgottahurt

I don’t want to be naive , but apparently cold sores – not better known as lip herpes, and definitely not known as liperpes (though it should be) – is spreading like wild fire amongst college students.  The culprit blamed for the spreading: beer pong.

From Asylum:

But beer pong could be nearly as dangerous as unprotected sex in terms of spreading diseases, according to a recent article in the University of Massachusetts’ student newspaper — which links the rise of herpes on campus to the popularity of beer pong. Because the game involves multiple people drinking from the same cups, the herpes virus — which can be transmitted via saliva — can be spread to everyone who is playing through the course of a game. The virus is up 230 percent since 2007 in people between ages 17 and 21.

And here I foolishly thought it was because college students are generally sluts (and I’m talking about both genders when I say that).

This got me thinking about what other STD’s might not be ST’d (sexually transmitted), and in fact may be BP’d (beer ponged).

  • Gonorrhea – From clapping near someone else who is clapping.  This is why it’s also known as the Clap.
  • Chlamydia–  From getting sodas out dispensers outside of Walmart stores.
  • Genital Warts – From playing with toads before using the restroom.  The same applies to Crabs.  Not to be confused with Gentile Warts, common amongst Christians.
  • Syphilis – Was created by Alexander Fleming in order to sell his new discovery, penicillin.  Transmitted via playing catch with Frisbees, and sometimes Nerf Boomerangs.

A pubic public service announcement from the 80’s: