Food

JusWondering… Am I Getting Mind Powers?

Posted on by sgottahurt

When I was a kid, I believed carrots improved your eyesight, gum stuck to your ribs (if you swallowed it), and fish made you smart.

Remember the food chain, dude!

Remember the food chain, dude!

I hated carrots, so my eyesight was never too hot.  (Sleeping in contact lenses for months at a time probably didn’t help.)

It took me until high school to realize that the chest pains I felt while growing up had nothing to do with the gum I swallowed in my youth.  (Hubba Bubba goes nowhere near your ribs!)

And even though I liked my fish sticks as a kid, the idea became less attractive in my teens and further into adulthood.  (Seafood stinks!)

"Fish heads, fish heads, eat 'em up, yum!"

"Fish heads, fish heads, eat 'em up, yum!"

So imagine my disappointment when I found out how good Omega-3 fish oils were for you, and my joy upon discovering they came in pill form!

The problem that remained was I kept forgetting to seek them out for purchase.  Well forget them no more!  I finally picked up a bottle, and I already believe I’m beginning to see results.

The biggest difference I’ve noticed is that I’m becoming psychic.  I would regale you with all the details, but they seem to have escaped me for now.

Stay tuned as I report any further advancements of my mind!

In My Brain While Sleeping… Lily Allen, Free Tickets, And The Chinese Restaurant

Posted on by sgottahurt

Vodpod videos no longer available.

 

 

 

So long as I’ve been following her on Twitter (I made it at least a few posts without bringing the micro-blogger up), Lily Allen has been playing a little game with her fans.  Every town she visits, she hides tickets and Tweets cryptic clues to their locations.

I’ve already dreamed in Twitter.  The next step was this:

When the British songstress visited Detroit, I tried figuring out the hints, but I didn’t bother searching.  My dream changed all that.

I was in a Chinese restaurant downtown near the casinos.  What’s funny is I don’t know if there are any Chinese restaurants there, and I certainly don’t eat Chinese (I stick to the basics of pizza and Pop Tarts, thanks).

Anywok, for some reason I was the host of said establishment, and there was a short girl with long black hair blocking her face.  She was hanging out in the waiting area, and she kept looking in at me, even though she didn’t have a reservation. 

Eventually, I realized that she was looking at my podium, and I headed to the front to see what all the fuss was about.  There were two blue tickets taped to the wood grain.  They weren’t official looking or anything.  It was as if they were made in Print Shop or something.

(Not So) Artistic Representation

(Not So) Artistic Representation

I peeled them off and Lily Allen rushed toward me, moving the hair from her face.  “Congratulations!” she said with her cute accent.  And no one in the place budged.

Disappointed with the dining crowd’s reaction, I shouted, “Free computers are hidden all over Greektown!”  Everyone leaped to their feet and dispersed, ditching their bills to do so.  I was fired on the spot, but it didn’t matter… not the way Lily was looking at me.

“Howzabout we skip me concert and go for a stroll,” she said.  And we did.

INGREDIENTS: Too much Twitter… and Jellybean Nerds.

In My Brain While Sleeping… An Anthology

Posted on by sgottahurt

I’ve had some doozies of dreams lately.  Alone, they probably don’t amount to much, but together… they still don’t probably amount to much.  I just think the cast has been strange of late, so here they are, collected as an anthology, separated by photos, natch.

It's a D.L.T. (Duchovny + Leoni + Travolta)

It's a D.L.T. (Duchovny + Leoni + Travolta)

In this dream, David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were still together, and they happened to be the parents of my friend/boss Paul’s kids (his lists are begrudgingly featured on this very site).  Does this mean that I subconsciously refer to them as such?  WTF do I know?  

Anytruthisoutthere, the family went to a campground where the parents and kids stayed on opposite sides. The twisted purpose of the camp was to make the parents forget about their kids as they are set off into the real world alone.  Pretty Roald Dahl-type stuff here. 

So as the weeks and months go by, the two tykes survive in the world with the help of a magical friend, played by John Travolta, looking exactly like he does above for his role in The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3.  As he helps Paul’s kids find their way back to Dave and Tea, Dave and Tea slowly remember that they have kids they need to find.  They prepare to leave the campground after six months, and the child-hating neighbors become suspicious.  When readying to leave their house (must have been a fancy campground), everyone stares through their front windows at them.  It was creepy, trust me.

See what happens when you put Charles in charge.

See what happens when you put Charles in charge.

This was kind of a quick snippet.  In the dream, the TripleDoubleU was all in a tizzy because allegedly there was a quick nude scene in an old episode of Charles in Charge, featuring Nicole Eggert.

Way to go subconscious.  Make dream nudity as geeky as possible.

"Melanie Chartoff and Neil Flynn were sitting in a tree..."

"Melanie Chartoff and Neil Flynn were sitting in a tree..."

I was back in high school in this dream, and the Principal from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose(season one coming to DVD June 30th – yay!) and the Janitor from Scrubs were my principal and janitor.   And I caught them.   Making out.   And possibly more.   I was having a bad day in the dream (of course), and after bearing witness to their deeds, I knew I had carte blanche.   I whistled as I walked the halls, long after the class bells rang.

Meet my brother. He's a Muppet.

Meet my brother. He's a Muppet.

In this last bit, I was in a JC Penney for some reason.  Everybody was dancing around like I was in some sort of musical.  My brother appeared to me in the form of a Muppet and he lead me into the part of the store that basically was Sesame Street.  This probably has to do with what I got him as a birthday gift, but still… weird.

INGREDIENTS: Peanut butter bagels, and probably my growing Twitter addiction (don’t believe my addiction… just check out my last three posts).

InASense, Lost… When Food And Robots (Plus Dinosaurs And Village People) Combine

Posted on by sgottahurt

I have suddenly and not-so-inexplicably become obsessed with something from my youth.  No, it’s not the Sesame Street Playset that I accidentally won on eBay (and will be giving to my brother for his upcoming birthday – glad he doesn’t read this blog, even though I always ask him to!)

It’s even better than that:

I completely forgot about them!  And in doing research to try to find out more about the robots-in-disfries, I stumbled upon these guys and was further surprised:

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

Don't remember these... is this when the fam discovered Taco Bell?

McDino Changeables?  Isn’t that going a little bit too far?

But how could I ever forget this crew:

They're like the Village People of fast food.

They're like the Village People of fast food.

I don’t know what’s been going on lately other than I haven’t been drinking as much (which I wrecktified last night), so I have a hard time falling asleep (which is probably a bad thing on a whole bunch of different levels).

Whatever this nostalgia malady is all about, I hope it ends soon.

…I just bid on some McDino Changeables…

JusWondering… Am I A Follower?

Posted on by sgottahurt

The other day, as I was walking into the office, I realized something.  Although I had parked in a far spot and the quickest route to the building’s entrance would have been over the grass, I followed the concrete walk.

But am I not a trailblazer?  Am I not a man of my own convictions?  I thought about this for a bit once I got to my desk, and I chalked it up to being “green” and worrying about “the environment.”

Then later, as I was logging into Twitter to do some Tweeting, I thought about how popular the micro-blogging site seems to be getting since I joined in the fun, and it lead me to wonder… did I sign up before I started hearing about it everywhere, or did I sign up because I started hearing about it everywhere?

unempdad1

(via Unemployed Dad)

Then later still, I found myself taking a survey… and as I awaited the results, I hoped I was in the majority.  I longed for getting mixed in with the masses.  (Sure, it was a survey about Chris Brown and Rihanna, so of course I would pray that the majority was thinking like me.)  But I always thought of myself as a guy that lived outside the box, not in it (unless perhaps I am the box… doubt it).

So who else out there thinks this commercial is funny enough to make it their voice mail?

In My Brain While Sleeping… The Rise Of Cobra (Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter)

Posted on by sgottahurt

In one of my dreams last night, I watched/participated in the new G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie.

It began rather inoccuously, meaning it didn’t seem at all like G.I. Joe.  There was a compound and the team was being built.  It was comprised of a bunch of your movie stereotypes (which I won’t go into because it doesn’t bode well for my subconscious).  I remember a moment where a group of us were in a steel-decor room and cardboard boxes full of ammo rested on the center table.  The captain or general or secretary (I don’t recall) said “Go!” and everyone lunged for the weapons like they were candy, stuffing grenades, guns, and dynamite in their pockets.

I wore a jacket comparable to this one (based on my real-life coat, also from American Eagle):

Mine had big inside pouches... maybe it's made from opossums (you thought I was going to say kangaroo... No? You didn't? My bad...)

Mine had big inside pouches... maybe it's made from opossums (you thought I was going to say kangaroo... No? You didn't? My bad...)

I also think that the compound was somehow connected to a resort, like in the old episodes of Get Smart.  The reason I bring this up is because at one point, after a member of my team falls through a concealed trap door, in searching for him, we fall through a similar hinged entrance.

We end up trapped with our fallen friend in a room on the resort side.  The windows are shatter-proof and there are no doors.  We can’t escape.  Then through the windows, we see a couple that I apparently met earlier.  They open the window from a latch outside, but they won’t let us out unless we can name who’s singing the song coming from their bedroom TV next door.

Right away, I know who it is: Shania Twain, and she’s doing a duet with Eurotrash superstar (?) Juraveggio Mugaiojdvkiaw… (I don’t know exactly – it was some weird dream name).

I just don't have enough dreams about her.

I just don't have enough dreams about her.

The couple let us out, and I ran to the TV because it was one of my favorite videos.  This guy was singing the duet with Shania:

Actor: Peter Stormare!
Actor: Peter Stormare!

Anyyojoe… my team ends up getting shipped out to do battle with Cobra, and it’s at this point that I realize I watching/participating in the G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie and I’m pissed!  It took this long to get to any battles?! 

There was a car chase that lead to a field with way too many chain link fences.  Bullets!  Bombs!  Explosions!

I was about to get captured/killed when I realized I had one of those hypersuits (whatever the fuck they’re wearing in this preview), and I started leaping and hopping about, between crater blasts and flimsy fences.  Something trips me and I land at the feet of a guy dressed like this:

Like the costume on the left, but more in the direction of the one on the right... also, is she smiling at her own reflection?

Like the costume on the left, but more in the direction of the one on the right... also, is she smiling at her own reflection?

As I struggle to get to my feet, he removes his mask, and lo!  Who is it?

Juraveggio Mugaiojdvkiaw…

I walked out of the movie/woke up because I thought it was stupid.

INGREDIENTS: Working 13 hours (and until 1am), 2 Cheesy Double Beef Burritos, 1 24oz. bottle of none other than Mt. Dew

Drunken Recollection… Drips Ahoy!

Posted on by sgottahurt

There has been a Drunken Recollection I’ve been meaning to get to for awhile, but the moment has passed and the recollection is fuzzier than it ever was.  My notes on the matter:

  • Frois grois was typed as a note in my phone, which is actually foie gras… it was a conversation I had with my sister, Tammie, about how ducks and geese are force-fed to fatten up their livers.  I never heard of it, but apparently it’s getting banned in various states courtesy of animal activists.  I have no opinion or witty quip on the matter now – if I did then, consider it “pissed away.”
  • Another thing my sister brought up was an artist she knows that wrote the saying, “War leads to Poverty, Poverty leads to Peace, Peace leads to Greed, Greed leads to War.”  Man, were we in a bummy mood that night.*
  • The only light highlight was a comment from my observant sibling.  On Friday, I missed out on homemade macaroni and cheese at my old grade school because they ran out.  On Sunday, I missed hanging out with an old friend downtown at a place that serves the best homemade macaroni and cheese.  Tammie said, “This was your Mac and Cheese Denial weekend.”

Now onto the most current D.R.  It occurred at a private boat club in Wyandotte, where the usual crew set out to play an exclusive game of trivia.  There were cash prizes to be had – $50 for 1st, $30 for 2nd, and $10 for 3rd.

I arrived first, and its location reminded me of a scene in a movie where people that need to exchange a suitcase full of money, a nuclear warhead, or “whatever’s-in-the-trunk” would meet.

Inside, I had to knock on the port door to be let in.  Then I had to sign a book.  All the old regulars surrounded the bar, and all they served was beer in cans that had that faint odor of old ice.  I ordered my can and sat my can at the table near the window overlooking Lake Erie.

The others arrived and we decided to split into two teams (the better to win more money – which we did, natch!)  We quickly learned that the regulars weren’t too fond of us being there, and, oh yeah – there was a certain spot at the bar you had to order from.  The bartender could look right at you standing anywhere else and he’d look through you.

We ended up drinking enough to build a beer can pyramid, a.k.a. a beeramid, which made the regulars mad.  We each walked out with an extra five bucks each and our tab paid back.  All-in-all, I will never return there again.  Maybe.

In closing, I also learned that cenosillicaphobia meant “fear of an empty beer glass” and that I am cenosillicaphobic.

Not pictured: our beeramid. This is based on a true story.

Not pictured: our beeramid. This is based on a true story.

*Okay, I was completely (well not completely) off on the quote.  It’s from a folk song and her fiancé’s uncle wrote it down and framed it:

ALL IN A NUT SHELL

War begets poverty
Poverty peace
Peace begets wealth
Wealth beget pride
Pride is war’s ground
War begets poverty

So the world goes round

In My Brain While Sleeping… Housecleaning Pucks And Hamburger Docs

Posted on by sgottahurt

I had to verify what my subconscious created in this doozy of a dream, because in another one, my subconscious got it completely all wrong.  It works in the second dream because it makes it kinda funny.  But the fact that I knew a certain fact in the first one so matter-of-, um, -factly kinda impresses me (humility is soooo overrated).

DREAM SCENARIO ONE

I was playing hockey.  It wasn’t a professional game, but professionals were there.  (This entire dream happened out of guilt for skipping pick-up hockey last night.  In my defense, two friends were not going… I just hope they had enough people… curse you guilt!)  Anyhattrick, one of the pros approached me at the end and said, “I heard your house could use a good spring cleaning.”  I told him, “Yeah, it could,” and then wondered who he’d been talking to.  That’s when he dropped this deal, “I’d do it.  For five bucks.”  How could I resist?  So I handed him five bucks and made arrangements, not even thinking he could be scamming me for five bucks.  And he showed up!  To clean!  The player in question:

"Pretend the puck is dust, and the stick is a broom... that's how I'm gonna sweep, eh."

"Pretend the puck is dust, and the stick is a broom... that's how I'm gonna sweep, eh."

Martin Brodeur, goalkeeper for the New Jersey Devils.  I didn’t know I knew him, or his position, or that he was Canadian, yet my subconscious did (I’m not 100% on whether I knew he was a Devil, but I want to say he was wearing their color scheme).  In double-checking my brain, some tidbits I learned about him:

  • He’s played for the New Jersey Devils his entire NHL career. (I like franchise guys, and the NHL is full of them.)
  • He’s three shutouts short of breaking Detroit Red Wing Terry Sawchuck’s record of 103 games. (FYI – Sawchuck’s mask was the basis for Jason’s mask in Friday the 13th.)
  • He holds the second place record (behind Patrick Roy) for the most wins, which he’ll inevitably pass provided he stays healthy.
  • He holds the record for the most wins in a regular season (48, in 2006-7).
  • He’s the only NHL goalie to score a game winning goal.

There are many more.  And I might have to add that I could be a fan now.  What?  Don’t look at me like that.  I’m not saying I like him better than my beloved Red Wings… well, maybe Chris Osgood if he doesn’t start picking up.

DREAM SCENARIO TWO

I was eating at a McDonald’s (like I often do?) when a commotion started at the register.  The friends with me initially ignored it, but when the buzz of excitement started spreading, people were rushing to the front counter.  I overheard a girl say, “The stars of Top Gun are here doing a promotion!”  So the group I was with got mixed up in the glee and followed.  I distinctly remember not even thinking Tom Cruise would be there.  I knew it would be Iceman (Val Kilmer) and Goose (Anthony Edwards).  Turned out the rumors were wrong.  Instead of getting this duo:

I could have cropped out the beer, but I enjoyed the beer being there. Existentialism for today.

I could have cropped out the beer, but I enjoyed the beer being there. Existentialism for today.

I got this duo:

Dr. Ross and Dr. Green inda house! (But not on "House.")

Dr. Ross and Dr. Green inda house! (But not on "House.")

 Except they looked like this:

Uh... yeah...

Uh... yeah...

 Of course, everyone was excited to see George Clooney, and under normal circumstances I would have been, too.  But Anthony Edwards?  How often is he out in public?  This was my chance to pitch a script in which he would have the starring role.  The script entitled “Continuum” was based on a dream I once had that featured Anthony Edwards (how meta).  I told it to him while Clooney took orders from dining room patrons, but I figured he was listening to our conversation and would possibly produce/direct the film.  The only catch – the script wasn’t written.  Edwards would be in town for two more days, so I’d have to write it in that time.  That’s when Clooney chimed in, “It could be the greatest script of all time… or the crappiest.”  (I knew he was eavesdropping!)

And that was that.  To sum up: Martin Brodeur cleaned my house for five bucks, and I had two days to write a script for Anthony Edwards to star in.  I have no idea what any of that means.

JusWondering… Some Things That Kept Me Up Last Night

Posted on by sgottahurt

I had a rough go at esacaping to dreamland last night, mostly in thanks to some of these thoughts that were splashing around in my brain (I’d have been content if they were swimming).

  1. Does Gatorade freeze?  I’ve never had Gatorade around the house consistently to know for sure, but I would assume it would.  If Gatorade is chemically structured to replace “sweat,” then maybe it doesn’t (unless sweat freezes).  If it does freeze, does it taste okay when thawed (soda pop does not)?  And where can I get a stock of the 32oz. bottles so I don’t always have to stop at 7-11?  (And speaking of G…)
  2. Why is the dance group known as Jabbawockeez kinda scary?  The winners of the first season of Randy Jackson’s America’s Best Dance Crew (or RJABDC for short, or DUM for shorter), are seen at the end of this commercial. 
    They’re good dancers, don’t get me wrong, but they are equally creepy.  Here’s video of them dancing.
  3. What kind of belt should I get?  I don’t like belts.  I never have.  And since they possibly say something about you, what do I want my belt to say about me?  The problem is that the new jeans I purchased were a size too large in order to give me pocket room.
  4. What happened to red, original flavored, Plax?  Should I buy it from online from Amazon?  Did it go away because it didn’t sell well… or because it causes cancer?plax
  5. How does this Korean baby know the words to “Hey Jude” better than me?

Giving Blood And Having A Blast! (Or A Least A Cookie)

Posted on by sgottahurt

I had a mini-adventure of sorts last week when I donated blood.  Actually, it was boring as usual – I had to turn it into an adventure of sorts.

Upon arrival, I was greeted by a man in a wheelchair with his assistant, a Golden Retriever.  I’m all for volunteers of all kinds and equal opportunity, but should a dog be where I’m about to give blood?

They make you read these pamphlets before you can sign in.  I had just sa down when I stood with a question.  The gentleman behind the counter asked if I had finished, when it was impossible for me to have read anything.  Does this mean no one reads the pamphlet except me?

I arrived at the right time between rushes and was sent to the verification room (I guess that’s what it’s called).  On the survey, they ask if you’ve been outside the country.  Last August, I visited Europe.  The nurse/tech asked where I had been.  I answered England, France, and Belgium.  She asked if there was anyplace else.  I told her no.  I had been to Amsterdam, and though I was a “good boy” while there, I didn’t want to raise any flags on my donation when I know it can be used.  They check it anyway, don’t they?

When I arrived at the bench I would be resting for awhile, I overheard two of the nurse/techs talking about the clock which ran in military time.

Lady One: I can’t ever figure out the time when it’s like that.

Lady Two: Just remember that 13:00 is 1:00pm and count up from that.

These are the people about to stick a needle in me?

Speaking of needles stuck in me, as I was bleeding, I noticed a bubble near the top of the tube sticking out of my arm.  Hello?  Should an air pocket be that close to my vein?  Can’t I die if it decides to move against the current like a salmon, and entire my body?

Guys will do anything to get laid.

Guys will do anything to get laid.

Two things made me laugh while I stared out the window and bled. 

1) There was a product by AeroMed called Magnum Plus.   I thought they were latex gloves (turns out they’re nitrile), and therefore chuckle worthy. 

Um... I think I'm not going to touch this one.
Um… I think I’m not going to touch this one.

 2) They had St. Patrick’s Day decorations everywhere.  The Red Cross takes after my own heart!  (Literally!)

Afterward, I was pleased as punch that they had Chips Ahoy! cookies for me to snack on.  The volunteer stocking the tables joined me and we discussed the 73 year old guy who played college basketball.  She gave me another sticker to go along with the nametag the front counter guy gave me.

My blood type is B-negative, and my outlook on life might be negative, but for some weird reason that day – I had fun!

I wanna be like Ken Mink!

I wanna be like Ken Mink!

(SIDENOTE: Immediately prior donating my blood, I tried out for the role of the Wizard in a local theater version of “The Wizard of Oz.”  Stay tuned, as I may write more on that later.)