All I Want For Christmas Is… Government Subsidized Gas Prices (99 Cents, Biotch!)

I dare you to tell me that America is not the Greatest Country on Planet Earth!  (I can’t vouch for countries on other planets… there might be some better ones than us.)  And how do we make this country even better?  By insuring, by guaranteeing, by swearing, by stick a needle in my eye not lying, by promising that we will never have to pay more than 99 cents for a gallon of gas ever again!  (And $1.09 for Midgrade and $1.19 for Premium, you douches.)

How can this be done?  I don’t fucking care how they get it done!  The government simply needs to git’r dun!  If it’s by funneling the money that’s funding the war or inventing more money like they did for the fucking lenders, git’r dun!  It’s the fastest way to save the country.

How’s that you ask?  If gas is cheap, people will drive more. 

If people drive more, they’ll go to the store more. 

If they go to the store, they’ll buy more because they have more money since the gas is cheap. 

If people are buying more things, more companies will need to make more things to sell.  Hell, people might even buy full-size SUV’s and trucks again to carry all the shit they’ll be buying, thus rendering an auto bailout unneccessary (because everyone knows American trucks and SUV’s are the best, right?) 

Back to the companies making things – they’ll need to hire more people to make things so there will be less unemployed people and more taxes being paid back to the government. 

In turn, these returning consumers will need cheap gas and want to buy more shit and see where I’m going?

If this is Socialism – sign me up!  So long as I can still buy shit.

If you don’t – watch this video:

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