Empire To Strike Back Against Returning Jedi In Cage Match

If you ask any self-respecting “Star Wars” fan (they do exist) what their favorite film is in the trilogy, they’ll most often respond, “Empire Strikes Back.”  (There’s no need to say original trilogy because the other three flicks don’t exist – how’s that for denial?)

I used to say “Return of the Jedi,” because I was eight, and I liked the Ewoks.  But as the real-life encroached upon me like Vader’s Star Destroyer over the Tantive IV (I’ve said too much), the cynicism and hopelessness of the second film connected with me… even though I still like the Ewoks (I’ve really said too much).

Sci-fi heavy website, io9, has complied a list of the Five Major Flaws in Episode V (And How to Fix Them).  Many of the issues have the same solution, as in what follows:

The bounty hunters should have fought each other in a Bloodsport-style tournament. All those awesome characters, and all George Lucas can give us is the non-canon Tales of the Bounty Hunters, which is in book form, making it very hard to imagine how everything that happens looks. In ESB, we see Bossk sneer at Boba Fett—and that’s it. That breaks one of the cardinal rules in Robert McKee’s Story: If one character sneers at another and they don’t throw down later, the movie is ruined.
     The fix:“You are free to use any methods necessary,” Vader says, “but I want them alive. No disintegrations.”
     “As you wish,” Fett answers. He looks at the other bounty hunters. “Not that you crumbheads will have to worry about finding them anyway.”
     Dengar bristles. “Who are you calling a crumbhead?” [Note: “Crumbhead” is a total Corellian insult.] He steps to Fett.
     “Watch it,” Fett says. “My dad killed most of the Jedi.”
     There is silence. Finally, IG-88 says, “That’s quite a stretch.”
     “Enough!” Vader yells. “We will settle this in the cage.”

Check it out for some interesting complaints.  Otherwise, we’ll have to settle this… in the cage.

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