The HeartMark™ is trademarked?!

Trends.

They’re always stupid.  Pet rocks, sequenced gloves, pogs… and now this.  The inescapable heart hand gesture.  It’s everywhere.

Aeroswift™

But would you believe some lady “claims” to have the trademark on it?

This lady looks like she makes many "claims"...

She even licenses it out allegedly (although it just looks like she just made a list of places she’s seen it used and retroactively authorized it).

(SIDENOTE: Did she donate the gesture to Show Your Hearts?  It could be a tax write-off.)

My hope is that it actually is trademarked, and that she’s making bank on its pervasiveness.

I mean, what she claims is not impossible.  She could figured it out during a round of This is the church and this is the steeple gone bad.  I haven’t seen it in use until recent years, and it seems like a simple gesture to devise.

But was she the one who told Taylor Swift about it?  Because Swift claims she invented it, and her fans claim that Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, et. al. stole it from her.

All that matters is did this woman really trademark what she calls The HeartMark™?  Because I have an idea of my own:

My trademark... Deez Nuts™.

Seriously.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

Click this picture to read the Amazon reviews.

I’m not about to jump on the bandwagon of slamming some misguided, self-righteous kid, but boy… do I want to.  This is one of those situations best illustrated by illustrations I made to defend Justin Bieber:

By hating on McKay Hatch and his No Cussing Club, you only make his message stronger.  But then he goes and makes videos like this, and it takes you somewhere completely different:

The only reason I know about him and his fruitless endeavor is because he came out against an episode of Modern Family in which the toddler Lily says:

Fudge.

That’s really what she said in real life.  Fudge.  They just bleeped it out like Jimmy Kimmel does in his Unnecessary Censorship:

And he wonders why he’s “the most cyberbullied kid in the world”?

Here are rational reasons why; here’s the irrational; and here’s one more.

F This

Some alternates:

• Don’t Like
• Face Bunk
• Poke Me

(via)

I don’t know what would sex drive a man to beat this record, but I’ve got to hand it to this guy for sticking to something.  (I chose not to italicize the puns to give you a shot at picking them up.  It’s not that hard.)

(via)

The Wonder Bread Years

There are degrees to which I get happy about my Happy Finds.

For websites such as Celebrity School Pics, it makes me more sad than happy to find out they have a section devoted to porn stars… so this non-charting Happy Find would be a Meh Find.

Then there are sites like Bread People that entertain me, but not for long, like a pita roll compared to a baguette, so they merit the most generic of Happy Finds.  What else could set the bar other than bread humor?

Memba this?

Pica Pic can be considered an Excited Happy Find because sites like it provide unlimited interactivity… until you get bored with its unlimited interactivity.  There’s a reason Nintendo stopped making Game & Watch… and most recently it’s called the 3DS.

The last level of Happy Find is the Ultimate Happy Find.  It usually ends up relating to a site full of videos, and tends to be updated somewhat regularly.  It likely has misses, but there are enough hits to keep you coming back.  One example might be Bad Lip Reading.  Check out this sample:

Essentially, it amounts to numbskulls listening to this strange series of sounds (in most cases, the kids play Gates of Hades on their headphones).  By covering your eyes and hearing this track, the kids believe they’re experiencing a high similar to using cocaine or ecstasy.

Here’s a sample of a dipshit i-Dosing:

I planned on posting the actual noises produced during the course of Gates of Hades, but it was removed from YouTube and now sells on their actual website for $199.95… just like an actual pusher – at first it was free, but now you gotta pay.

In reality, it’s caused by playing binaural beats.  You can read about it here.  But if I know you – and I think I do – you’d rather watch a video about it hear here:

(SIDENOTE: Ha ha… you still had to read!)

AWFUL

This next one is creepy, but in a fun way, which seems weird to say based on what it’s, um, based on, but it’s true.  Honestly, it’s one of the funniest videos I’ve seen in a long time.

AWESOME

(original video here)

Aside from that, there’s a newer online dating site called HowAboutWe that could be interesting… if I online dated.

But my other big to-do is about the Lytro, a functional light field camera, which means you can take a picture without worrying about focusing – you can change the focus later:

It’s already been ripped off in this past summer’s Transformers: Dark of the Moon and next summer’s The Avengers:

This has happened once before with the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre using the flash bulb sound from the original trailer, and then it popped up everywhere (I just can’t remember where, for the life of me):

Previews are so terrible today, a woman is suing the advertisers of Ryan Gosling’s Drive for being misleading.  I was under the impression it was a cool, 80′s throwback movie based upon its neon logo, until I saw this TV spot:

Unbeatable?  Unstoppable?  Unkillable?

I started thinking he could be some supernatural driver out of the 50′s!  (The lawsuit states the woman thought it was going to be like The Fast and the Furious… my version is better.)

And how about this preview for James McTeigue’s follow-up to V for Vendetta…The RaVen (the capital V is in the preview just to remind you):

Anyone else think the inspector is the murderer?

Grace Helbig.

Why, you might ask?  Because this girl is gonna be Helbig.  Not big as in huge.  Well, not huge as in large.  Um, not large as in… well, I’ll just say it – not fat.  (But yes to phat.)

Anyyoutube, ever since first catching my attention on G4′s Attack of the Show, I’ve been checking out her vlog: Daily Grace.  And I can’t stop watching.

I don’t think she’s for everybody, but her comedic talents are palpable.  One of her better vids from last year:

I’ve sort of jumped around her catalog, but once I start, I’m mesmerized.  I truly believe her natural skills and natural looks could go over very well on the big screen.  And by big screen, I don’t mean fat screen.

Now back to the small screen… Have you heard this?

The Simpsons might get their own 24-hour channel!

How cool would that be?  I’d probably start watching them again… while in any waiting room… instead of the news.