ITEM #1 – THE BREA GRANT CONNECTION

That smirk seems permanent.

Brea Grant may not be a well-known face (or even known at all), but the moment she appeared early in the sixth season of Showtime’s Dexter, I recognized her.  I didn’t know what from, so I investigated.  Turned out, she also starred in NBC’s Heroes during its third season.  I tried to forget that awful show, and thus, I forgot her.  Now here’s the Coinkydink (or Coinkydonk)…

She starred alongside Actor! Masi Oka on Heroes, and alongside character (Vince) Masuka on Dexter.

It’s a little weird, right?  No, not really?  Okay then, moving on.

ITEM #2 – STOP SHOUTING!

I’ve noticed that The General Insurance must be doing pretty good, because their graphics have been getting better and better.  As for the concepts…?

Does this woman’s “hiya’s” sound familiar to you?

Because to me, I’m reminded of Link’s sidekick, Navi, form The Legend of Zelda – A Link to the Past:

You don’t hear it?  All right, how about this last one.

ITEM #3 - ROBOTS AND ALCOHOL DON’T MIX

Here’s the party I was late to… I love robots, but I couldn’t stand it when Heineken had this atrocity of an ad for an atrocity of a product (the keg can):

So it amazes me that Svedka Vodka could one-up their craptacular idea:

If that’s the future of alcohol, color me sober.

The Wonder Bread Years

There are degrees to which I get happy about my Happy Finds.

For websites such as Celebrity School Pics, it makes me more sad than happy to find out they have a section devoted to porn stars… so this non-charting Happy Find would be a Meh Find.

Then there are sites like Bread People that entertain me, but not for long, like a pita roll compared to a baguette, so they merit the most generic of Happy Finds.  What else could set the bar other than bread humor?

Memba this?

Pica Pic can be considered an Excited Happy Find because sites like it provide unlimited interactivity… until you get bored with its unlimited interactivity.  There’s a reason Nintendo stopped making Game & Watch… and most recently it’s called the 3DS.

The last level of Happy Find is the Ultimate Happy Find.  It usually ends up relating to a site full of videos, and tends to be updated somewhat regularly.  It likely has misses, but there are enough hits to keep you coming back.  One example might be Bad Lip Reading.  Check out this sample:

Here are A Handful Of… The Video Games That Got Away:

• Devon Aire in The Hidden Diamond Caper

Ah, the good ol' days of 16-color EGA graphics...

Not what you’d expect to be first.  This came out back in the days of me playing the original Maniac Mansion and Zak McKracken and the Alien Mindbenders, but it was only available for Commodore 64.  I had an IBM-compatible.  To those not around at the time, that’s like wanting Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception, when all you have is the Wii.

• ToeJam and Earl

I had a Sega Genesis, but I didn’t get the system when it was originally released with Altered Beast.  Then again, ToeJam and Earl was still released after that.  I’m not sure why I didn’t get this game.  All I know is that I wanted it.

• Battle Chess

Another nerdy PC game.  (It was available for DOS, but it looked fantastic on the Amiga.  So I wanted the Amiga.)  I didn’t even really play chess, but I guess I craved digitized violence.  Don’t be surprised if one day it’s revealed that this game paved the way for Mortal Kombat.  Speaking of kombat…

• Killer Instinct

This was one of the two arcade fighting games I was good at (the other was Virtua Fighter), so when it was announced that there would be a version for the Super Nintendo, I was ecstatic.  Then I realized how people must have felt when Pac-Man was finally released for the Atari 2600…  Here’s the SNES commercial:

• The Cavern of the Evil Wizard

"I get to be on top!"

This game might look familiar, although its name is not.  That’ sbecause you probably saw Tom Hanks playing it in the movie Big.  Sadly, TCOTEW never existed in the real world… until now.   Try it by clicking here.

Think of it as my early Gimme Gimme present for you.

First, there was…

Wild Grinders and Super Mario

I know that Mario Mario (real name) doesn’t hold the patent on red and blue ensembles, but come on.  Dyrdek’s Nickelodeon cartoon based on his Wild Grinders toy line looks a lot like he who dons raccoon apparel to fly.

And then there was (or this might have been first)…

It's Ridiculousness how much Ridiculousness is like Tosh.0...

Let’s just remember, aside from skateboarding, Dyrdek got all his cash money from Rob & Big.

So is that a Coinkydink or Coinkydonk?

Family is supposed to come first.  Always.

All of us (whoever the us was at least included my brother and my mother) were staying at an island beach resort, sort of like this one:

Ah, it's like a screensaver.

But then, as it often happens in dreams, sharks appeared.  It was kind of like this:

(Not So) Artistic Representation

The sharks were of every variety, and they could also crawl on land!  Like some kind of fish/mammal hybrid.  (You’d think there was a word for some kind of creature that could exist on land and in the sea…)

A great white shark cornered my brother.  It clamped down on his leg as he kicked at it and started dragging him away like an alligator would.  My mother screamed for me to help him, which I immediately did – until I stopped myself.  I hurried back inside to put this on the counter:

Yup. My brand new iPhone 4S.

I ultimately caught up to the shark before he could reach the water and saved my brother.  So win-win.

(SIDENOTE: For the record, I called to apologize to my brother the next day.)

This was from the back of the funny pages, and it was serious.

So I decided to enter the contest, and at age ten, I created these characters:

I entered all of the above except for CARRYVAN, and the one I didn't even like called PUPPY HOG.

For entering so many characters (I guess), I won this playset:

My mom offered to take it back to the store to get something else. I refused. I played with it once.

These ended up being the finalists:

What the fuck?

Fearless Photog won the vote, but no toy was ever made.  At this year’s San Diego Comic-Con, it was announced that there would finally be a toy:

You're still kidding me, right?

But there was one bit of satisfaction I was always able to maintain.  Mattel ripped off my Elephantom!

They gave him a robot head and dubbed him Snout Spout.

But now, there’s this:

Victory will be mine!

I will keep you posted on my final entries.  Yes, there will be many.

————————————————————————————————————-

In case you were interested, here are each of the character’s write ups as they were when I was ten:

C.A.R.’s a small, weak wimp that can be Crushed And Restored. But every time he’s crushed by Evil, he gets mad, and when he gets mad, he gets bigger and stronger and wants revenge.  Only He-Man can talk him out of this vengeance he want.  But every time he’s crushed by Good, he gets courageous.

I guess I didn’t like that idea.  Why would good guys crush him?

When Ill-Yusion sways his hands illusions appear.  Anything he thinks of at the time will become an illusion.  Also, he is always ill.  So anytime he coughs or sneezes, an illusion will appear or disappear.

He was always ill?  Who saw that coming?

Ticklon has four arms.  The two upper arms tickle a victim and the two lower arms grab the weapons.  So there is no need for a weapon of his own with arms like this.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Kangaruin (then named Kangaroo Man) has a pouch to keep things hidden.  Can jump to the length of 50 feet and can jump as high as 20 feet.  His hands and feet are very powerful.  He can punch or kick through any solid material.

Liquid materials, forget it.

Walrusaur (then named Walrus Man) has stun rays in his teeth. His teeth can also eat through 3/5 of any material except lime stone, like the walls of Castle Grayskull.  His flipper hands and feet make him a good swimmer (and slapper).

There should have been more slapping in He-Man cartoons.

Elephantom – The ghostly elephant whose trunk can stretch miles until the enemy’s caught. Weighs nothing with unbelievable strength.

Snout Spout was only shown in the He-Man & She-Ra Christmas Special, and some She-Ra episodes, although I never saw those.

She-Yuld – Her shields create invisible force fields that keeps gathering around.  Once finished, ricochets anything that hits them.  Her shields have magnetic forces under them, too.

I don’t get what any of that means.

Clustor (Tartor, Ropego, and Gluestick together) – Tartor alone shakes his leg and gooky tar flies; Ropego alone has a rope arm and buzzsaw spurs on his heels; Gluestick alone spits glue from his mouth.  Together as Clustor they are stronger than ever: streams of glue from the mouth, a more controllable rope arm, and buckets of tar from the legs of Clustor.

Gluestick was the best I could come up with?

When I was a child, there was nothing I wanted more than Optimus Prime.  The problem was that he cost $20, and I had a difficult time saving up a score of buckeroos.  There was always something else I wanted that cost exactly what I had, so alas… no Optimus Prime.

UNTIL NOW:

Hellz yes.

My dream has been not only met, but exceeded.  This celebratory edition may not include the weapons base trailer, but he looks just like the cartoon – in robot and vehicle form!  It’s an insane representation!

So what broken dreams are left floating around my adolescent heart, you wonder?

They are, in no particular order:

• Centurions – Wild Weasel

This went to Sam Rockwell, right? It was Jake Rockwell? Oh well.

You might not remember Centurions for their cartoon or toys (there were 65 episodes produced!), but I will never forget this cool vehicle idea.  In retrospect, the real world application of it wouldn’t fly roll past production, and in further analysis, I probably liked it because it reminded me of TRON (you probably don’t remember that old 1982 movie either).

• Star Wars – Tatooine Skiff

Everybody wanted this; nobody had it.

This one still didn’t live up to the Desert Skiff we all wanted with every fiber of The Force, but it was better than what was originally offered.  And too bad it came out after I started collecting M.A.S.K.

• M.A.S.K. – Razorback

This car could arch its back. For some reason.

I still consider M.A.S.K. the best toy collection of my youth (StarCom was a close second), plus I was blessed in prolonging my longing for the vehicles I missed the first time around when they were getting dumped in KayBee Toy Stores years after they were gone from store shelves… on clearance.  I never got a second chance to get Razorback, but I still have dreams about finding them still (this is 100% true).

• Transformers – Grimlock

Me, Sean, want Grimlock badly.

Perhaps there’s a 20th Anniversary Grimlock on the horizon?  How about 25th?  30th?

In this case, it’s Little Boppers vs. Pocket Rockers.  Which was the better musical toy of the 80′s?

• Little Boppers

• Pocket Rockers

I would declare portable music the winner because it’s functional (and fashionable), but then you have to take into account these were the bands available, things kind of change:

What I find (or declare) interesting is the background music in each of the commercials is twenty years older than the product they’re selling.  For the Little Boppers, the song is from 1965:

• The Gentrys – Keep on Dancing

As for the Pocket Rockers, the song is from 1969, and it couldn’t have any more of a different sound:

• Creedence Clearwater Revival – Down on the Corner

Based upon the theme songs alone, I would have chosen CCR and therefore, Pocket Rockers, the winner.  But the ad company behind them changed the lyrics, whereas those mad men behind Little Boppers did not fuss with The Gentrys.

So after careful deliberation, I still declare Pocket Rockers the champ.  What can I say, I love songs with changed lyrics!  Except, of course, in this case:

Omigodomigodomigodomigod!

I am loath to admit this, but I’ve literally dreamed of this day for years.  Or at least for the years that there were no new Star Wars action figures on the shelves of stores.

THERE ARE NEW STAR WARS ACTION FIGURES ON STORE SHELVES… er, I mean… HOOKS!

This is the first one I’ve purchased:

Imagine James Earl Jones saying: "This... is Chewbacca."

This got me recollecting (ha!) about the first toys in each of my collections.  Join me as I walk down memory lane…

• 1985 – M.A.S.K.

Secret raiders working overtime fighting crime!

Let’s be honest – it’s not really been ten years since I’ve purchased toys.  Having a little brother to spoil means never having to stop.  But this is definitely the last collection I had that was my own, and it all started with Condor.  I remember asking for this, not even really knowing what it was.

• 1984 – The Transformers

More than meets the eye!

I was dying to get any Transformer for what seemed like forever.  I really wanted Optimus Prime, but he cost twenty bucks!  Having read the giant-sized coloring book long before these figures were released, I really took a shine to Jazzz (he had three Z‘s in the coloring book).  The trick was this – my mom wasn’t too keen on me starting new collections that were similar to other one’s I started.  I already had Gobots, so Transformers were kind of off the radar… until my aunt took my sisters and I shopping.  I had the eight dollars it cost, and I begged her to let me buy it.  She used the payphone to double-check, and my mom relented.

• 1983 – Gobots

We came out before Transformers!

Memories are fuzzy, and so it goes with this.  The way I recall it all, there were animated commercials advertising Transformers long before they came out.  AND THOSE COMMERCIALS BLEW MY EIGHT YEAR OLD MIND.  Robots that transformed into cars and planes and guns?  Sign me up!  Well, they were nowhere in sight, so the Gobots had to do.  And they did.  Until I got Jazz.  I still think Leader-1 was one of the best, but Gobots could never overcome their horrible names (Scooter the Scooter, Tank the Tank, Cop-Tur the Helicopter, Loco the Locomotive…)

• 1980 (?) – LEGO

My first set

I don’t remember exactly when I started getting “big kid” LEGOS, but I know this was my first set.  The reason I say, “big kid,” is because when I first saw the LEGO spacemen at one of my parents’ friend’s houses prior to getting this set, that’s what I was told.

• 1979 – Star Wars

Obviously, my figure said "Star Wars" - not ROTJ.

I distinctly (and weirdly) recall receiving this from Santa, and I was fascinated by this strange action figure.  Was he a space policeman?  He had a gun and a helmet.  Was he a space fireman?  He was wearing orange.  All I know is that I hadn’t seen the original film yet, and I was hooked.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE PREQUELS!

My three favorite foods are (probably in this order):

1. Pizza
2. Cheeseburgers
3. Tacos

I drink Mountain Dew and Miller Lite.  I shop at Target.  And I thought finding this site was enough of a Happy Find.

I mean, c’mon… googly eye magnets!

Look how shocked this hammer is!

But then I found about this:

Imagine the googly eye magnets you could put on that!

You can see more pictures here, but I bet one thing is for sure…

Your face looks a lot like the hammer right now.