Awesome Battle… He-Man Vs. She-Ra
Sibling Rivalry
Recently, on the Hub or some channel like that, I happened to catch back-to-back episodes of both shows, and I’ve already decided that there is a clear winner in the Awesome Battle between He-Man and the Masters of the Universe and She-Ra: The Princess of Power. This post will illustrate my process.
- ROUND 1 – THEME SONGS
Each of these are classics in their own right, but one stands out as a more advanced arrangement. One could even imagine its back beat being lifted for an artist such as Nicki Minaj:
WINNER: SHE-RA
- ROUND 2 – ROGUE GALLERY
Let’s take a look at She-Ra’s enemies - The Evil Horde, lead by Hordak:
They were so bad-ass, they didn’t even sell them as part of the She-Ra toyline.
And howzabout He-Man’s baddies, lead by Skeletor:
I kid, I kid… Or should I say “I baby…” (pun!)
(Click here for the real pic.)
WINNER: SHE-RA
- ROUND 3 – SEXUAL OVERTONES
Sexual overtones are in all cartoons… especially in ones that phocus on fysique focus on physique. So in He-Man, you have Prince Adam who dresses like this:
Um… yup.
And this is him as He-Man with his merry crew:
Despite furry loin clothes and boots, plus Ram Man’s skirt, this is a bit better.
With She-Ra, well, here’s the whole kitten-caboodle:
Hello ladies…
Even if you excuse the rainbow for the times, on the episode of She-Ra that I watched, at the start of the show, she emerged from one of the other ladies’ tents after spending the night. Remember, this is pre-Brokeback Mountain, too, but mixed messages are mixed messages for a reason.
WINNER: TIE WITH SLIGHT EDGE TO SHE-RA (NOT TO BE INSENSITIVE, BUT I’LL CHOOSE LESBIANS EVERY TIME)
- ROUND 4 – COMIC RELIEF
On MOTU, you have Orko:
“Here’s today’s lesson… if you try to be funny, you’re probably not…”
On POP, you have Madame Razz:
Get it! She has a talking broom! (I don’t get it…)
WINNER: TIE… NEITHER ARE THAT FUNNY
- ROUND 5 – ACCEPTABLE WEIRDNESS
Here are some weird things on He-Man:
They fight by shoving, not punching.
Need more proof?
Who’s this guy?
A dragon wearing a horned helmet?
This takes the cake.
No weird pictures for She-Ra because all that shit’s acceptable.
WINNER: SHE-RA
- ROUND 6 – HIDDEN CHARACTERS
In every episode of She-Ra, you had to watch extra hard to find Loo-Kee hidden somewhere in a scene:
He hid better than this.
The only thing hiding in episodes of He-Man was common sense.
WINNER: SHE-RA
- ROUND 7 – OVERALL TOYLINE
WINNER: HE-MAN
OVERALL WINNER: HE-MAN
You know how when the team you thought was supposed to be doing fantastic is only doing so-so, it affects your psyche? Well, it’s really doing a number on my subconscious.
My Detroit Tigers are in the midst of getting out of a slump, but somehow, my brain while sleeping didn’t quite have the answer.
Apparently, in my dream state, to break any curse the team must be reeling from can only be broken by making ace pitcher Justin Verlander…
“I don’t like where this is going…”
…out of these:
Well, not just one LEGO guy. Out of many LEGOS.
Aside from having the idea of crafting a LEGO version of #35, I also recall realizing that LEGO has never released any playsets based (pun intended) on baseball. They’ve done other sports before:
Only one of these sports is “real.”
Why not America’s pastime? At least other people have taken up the mantle:
Fuzzy pic for so much work.
Show-off.
Bigger show-off.
Is that a famous park? Yes.
So we’re left with two questions:
- Why doesn’t LEGO have any MLB sets?
- Why did I dream any of this?
I always imagined that Bruno Mars wrote Marry You as a tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek ditty, as if to say:
Girl, I want you so bad, I’ll even marry you…
Am I wrong? Here are the lyrics. With a line like:
If we wake up and you
Wanna break up, that’s cool
Maybe I’m old-fashioned… or it means something different in Portland:
(via)
There needs to be some type of backlash coming against all the pop acts in this world. But then again, everything is so corporate, I’d have to dig deep to find the backlash.
SIDENOTE: I should mention that I’m lazy. So I looked up some of my favorites on the ol’ YouTube. Enjoy. Or don’t. Fuck you.
- Liam Lynch’s United States of Whatever
- Sex Pistols’ Who Killed Bambi?
- Suicidal Tendencies’ Institutionalized
InASense, Lost… Taylor Kitsch’s Film Career
All I have to say is in the post’s title. Taylor Kitsch has three strikes against him now… and I’m afraid his Hollywood future might be D.O.A.
It’s bad when Wolverine is the best of the three.
But on the other hand, he is Canadian, and they have that certain William Shatner resilience. So perhaps he can forget John Carter in his shadow, and leave Battleship behind him:
(Sorry, that’s lame… but so are these movies!)
So one day while drinking, the topic of superheroes came up. (Surprise!) In discussing whatever aspects we leaped and bound through, we realized something:
There’s a Spider-Woman, but no Superwoman or Batwoman!
Well, since that day, I’ve done some investigating, and the others have existed. Hence, I’m changing my postulate to this:
No major character spin-off with ‘woman’ in her title has ever had her own comic except for Spider-Woman!
But what about Wonder Woman, nerds you cry, or Catwoman!? They aren’t spin-offs based on some male version (even though there is a Wonder Man over at Marvel, and who the hell was Catman?)…
Even Hawkwoman and Invisible Woman were originally Hawkgirl and Invisible Girl. (Okay, so Hawkgirl and Hawkwoman are different characters, but latter hasn’t had her own comic line like the former.)
Hawkgirl gets love; Hawkwoman gets second-billing.
Anyshehulk, in the Marvel Universe, Spider-Man has nothing to do with Spider-Woman’s origin, whereas the Superwoman and Batwoman incarnations had ties to their male counterparts:
Some incarnations of Superwoman.
Some incarnations of Batwoman.
So what makes Spider-Woman so unique? Compared to the above, Jessica Drew has almost always been Spider-Woman. And she came before any of the other Spider-Man counterparts, too:
Spider-Girl is Spidey’s daughter, May; Spider-Boy is a mixture of Spider-Man and Superboy in a combined comic event (so in other words, not real, figuratively speaking).
Supergirl and Superboy have always been Supes‘ cousin or him as a kid (or later, a clone):
Supergirl… more like Superhot, and Superboy looks Superbored…
And as for Batgirl and Bat Boy…
…you should have all seen this coming.
SIDENOTE: For more on sexism in comics, check out Women in Refrigerators… this just turned into a PSA.
Worth 1002 Words… Saved By What Bell Edition
Lisa Tutankhamun
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